Hey everyone! It has been a long time, I was on here for quite a while some years back and have sense been divorced and am in a wonderful relationship with an amazingly supportive guy and he has 2 kids. I need some advice on how to give advice and this is the BEST place I know for it!

Back Story:
STBH was 18 and 2 months from leaving from the Navy when OOPS! And then came #1. They got married and the BM1 was not ready to settle down... not even when pregnant. STBH has had full custody and she lost parental rights since he was like 6 months old. Then about 3 years later he went back to po-dunk midwest, ran into a chick that he went to HS with, she was already 2x divorced (age of 22) and had 2 kids... long story short, they got married soon after and she followed him to the east coast. They have a son, we will call him #2. She decided that about 9 years in that being a military wife was no good- cheated (no proof that will hold up in court) and took the kids and left. She dropped #1 off at STBH's mom's and kept #2 and moved to the tiniest midwest town EVER... Like literally population >20. STBH was on a ship in the Navy and was stuck and screwed. He had to turn over custody to his mom and let #1 finish up HS with stability since he was TDY so often and you can't really leave a 13/14 yr old for weeks at a time.

Fast forward 4 years-- STILL NOT DIVORCED. He was being cheap in the beginning and just using her lawyer. I mean he was paying her $1500 a month in Alimony and another $500 in CS soo... Kind of tapped him out. They could never come to terms on custody. He wanted visitation and to be able to have visitation where he lived, not just if he was in the midwest. Long story short, she found out he was out to sea for 3 months and had her lawyer rush a divorce to while he was gone citing that he was unresponsive. In the divorce she got 50% of retirement and full custody of #2 with no visitation. Of course when he got back he found out what happened, got a lawyer who cited the Soldiers and Sailors act and had the whole thing thrown out. This was almost 2 years ago. WE STILL CAN'T get her to agree to custody and the freaking judge to them to figure it out. He gave them until April 2018 over this last summer. Now, we are coming up on Christmas for year #4 where #2 is being denied time with his dad. She said he couldn't because of basketball. She convinced him that if he misses a practice he will get kicked off the team. We contacted the coach, principal, athletic director and the superintendent of schools who have all e-mailed us and said that there will be no repercussions if he misses a freaking middle school basketball practice.

She has alienated this child so badly and has such an intense co-dependent relationship with him. He is even scared to talk about college because he can't leave his mom. Her older 2 are the same way... it is the most bazaar situation. Anyway, I am at a loss... STBH is heart broken, the kid just doesn't know what to do, the BM is a raging B**ch and I just want to be supportive. I think that if he goes for full custody he stands a chance. I mean this woman came up with a fake heart problem and convinced the kid that he couldn't go on a cruise with us for spring break last year. We had to get the head cardiologist of the hospital to submit paperwork to get him on the plane with 3 days to spare for us leaving! It just never stops with her....

What can we do/say at this point to see him for 1/2 of winter break. We don't even care which 1/2!! Do you guys think that we would have a shot at full custody? We live in one of the best school systems in the country (like seriously top 50), we have amazing sports opportunities, we both have great jobs (she is on disability and lives of baby daddy $$). Our house is big enough for him to have his own room (he shares a closet size space with her boyfriends son)... I feel like we do, but since it has been so long since it all happened I am nervous about the $$ it would take and the heartbreak if STBH looses.