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Need some prayers y'all

justmakingthebest's picture

Not for me this time, for my niece.

A few days before Easter my niece (23) found out that her long time boyfriend, that she has 2 babies with, was cheating on her.

She left and they discussed doing 50/50 no child support. After the 1st week she handed the kids over to him. He has since kept the kids, tried to file a restraining order on her stating she was a danger to them, and now after that was dropped is still refusing to give the kids back. He has moved and she has no idea where they are. These babies are 14 months and 2.5 yrs old. 

My sister and I are meeting her tonight to strategize. He is hostile and nasty and horrible. I have never liked him but now I just want to murder him. She hasn't seen her babies in 2 months. This is insane. She is scared of him, scared that if she doesn't sign some paper work that his mother's lawyer drew up that she will never see them again. 

We found out how abusive their relationship was last week, she finally told my sister and I. I am heartbroken that I didn't see the signs, especially since I lived that before. She is young and stupid and needs guidance. I have somethings written up to go over with her but if there is any advice here that you can give before our meeting I will be sure to add to it! 

My big things are her life plans, long and short term goals and how to get there. She needs to establish a home and more secure job. She needs to learn a proper budget. I will walk through court filings for emergency custody and a writ of assistance. If there is anything else you can think of please help! My head is spinning and I have to keep my sister calm for this too, she is about to lose her mind as well. Those are her grand babies. She used to babysit once a week and they have been stolen from her too. 

I am the only professional on that side of my family (My older sister and I share a dad and didn't grow up together, I had an easy life, she did not.). I want to help my niece anyway I can, that will make HER help HERSELF! My sister and I both are strong believers that you have to fix your life, you can't have other people do it for you. 

Comments

beebeel's picture

Once she finds out where he is living, she needs to show up with police and a lawyer. If they were never married, he has no rights to those kids until a judge says he does.

justmakingthebest's picture

Since he got the emergency RO against her- even though that has since been dropped and the judge called it malicious and said that the kids need to be returned to her... I don't know if he was awarded anything. I need to find out the exact details. I am getting it all 3rd hand from my sister.

tog redux's picture

So, in some states, children born out of wedlock are automatically in the custody of the mother if the parents split up, and if there is no other CO in place.  Is she in one of those states? If so, he could be charged with kidnapping and custodial interference.

At the very least, she should NOT sign that paper (as you know) and proceed to court. She has a very good case for getting full custody and him getting supervised visits because of his shenanigans (with her having a vagina and all). 

Petronella's picture

Why did she hand the kids over to him? 

Laws vary widely by jurisdiction. Where I am, an unmarried father has the same presumption of custody of his children as the mother does.

Your niece certainly does sound young and stupid. Does she work, does she have a decent home for the kids and a way to support them on her own? 

She needs to get a lawyer immediately and work out a custody plan.

Monkeysee's picture

The niece agreed to a 50/50 split, so she had them for a week & gave them to him for his week. Not seeing how that makes her stupid? 

Agree she needs a lawyer, and he should be charged with kidnaping.

Petronella's picture

They had nothing in writing. He may have had the same right to keep the kids as the mother had. 

OP, why did he take out a restraining order? What danger was he claiming she posed to the kids?

justmakingthebest's picture

None. That is why it was dropped. He claimed that she was abusive to the kids. CPS investigated and said it wasn't true and the judge saw thru the false claim quickly.

Monkeysee's picture

No parent has the right to withhold or kidnap their kids. The judge threw out his RO.

tog redux's picture

Well, he's withholding them with allegations that she's unsafe, so until there is a CO in place, he can do that. 

justmakingthebest's picture

She is a waitress for a high end resturant and makes a decent living. She has a plan for child care. She is living with her uncle (father's side) right now. He is well off and had 2 spare rooms for her and the kids, however, she needs to get her own place, something that my sister and I will be addressing tonight. She can't count on others and has to learn to take care of herself and her kids.

justmakingthebest's picture

Yes, she thought they could handle everything with civility. She found out that she was very wrong. Aunt Justmakingthebest tried to write up an agreement and since I am a notary as well, I would have had it all ready for them to file and be done.

50/50 no CS. Week on/Week off, split holidays. - I thought this was very reasonable and smart and fair for the children and was proud that this is the road she wanted for her kids. HE however, had a different plan obviously and his parents are fueling this fire. 

No custody has been awarded to either of them at this point. I will see if I can find out if that means that she automatically has custody since she is the mother and they were never married. 

Petronella's picture

Why no CS? Even if they do end up doing 50:50, Whoever makes more money should be paying some CS. 

Any verbal agreement they had means nothing, as she has now found out. Any piece of paper his mother gives her to sign is also worthless. She needs a real custody order from the court. And in most places a real CO does not allow either parent to waive child support.

Goodluck's picture

Petronella...my x and I waived all child support. Judge signed off on it after taking testimony from us both. It can be done.

I lived it.

 

 

Petronella's picture

Yes that's why I said "most" places, not all. The question of waiving child support, like the question of whether an unmarried father has any rights to his kids, will be different depending on the place. OP's niece needs to find out the facts for where she lives.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

She needs to get an emergency custody order, find out where he lives, and go WITH THE POLICE to pick them up.  They'll normally let those go through if someone is withholding the kids. Espeically if out of wedlock where he doesn't have rights established yet!!!

Deep breathes. I suggest she gets housing situated too real quick. I know that's a stress, but needs to happen!

Lots of prayers! That's terrifying!