Mixed feelings and I realize I am being petty
I had a wonderful mother's day. My bio's each got me a piece of jewelry (it was their stepmom who helped, so it was super sweet). Nothing expensive but one was a delicate bar necklace with a mama bear and 4 cubs behind her. The other was a pea pod necklace with pearls colored to each of the 4 kids birth stones.
Here is my issue... My kids- obviously, I am mom. SS19- Yep. I am mom. I am the only mom that kid has and even though he still calls me by my first name, he tell everyone that I am mom. I am the one he comes to for comfort, when he is upset, when he is happy, when he finds a 4 leaf clover- I get the call!
My kids wanted to include SS14. I realize it makes me petty but I don't want to include him. He isn't mine and I don't want him. At least I don't want him right now. Right now I am angry and bitter at the hell we have gone through. I am angry and bitter that because of him we had to book 3 separate flights for me to go to the Midwest over a 3 week span. I am angry and bitter that I am losing days with my bios right before they spend the summer with their dad across the country because I have to deal with this crap. I am bitter over the money lost, the stress this has caused, the fact that I am taking xanex almost daily! I don't want his stupid little baby bear or his little pink pearl in my necklaces.
I know I am stupid and petty right now and that it might all change after this hearing and once he actually spends time with us again... But right now. I just don't want it.
PS- How sweet are those gifts though? I thought it was very nice of my kids to include their stepbrothers even if one is a douche right now.
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Comments
Not petty. Time with your
Not petty. Time with your bios is gold!! My bio sons 24 & 22 both found jobs in other states and have been away from me all year. My oldest just moved closer...3 hours away. I have seen him 3 times in the last month after only seeing him 3 times in a year. Trust me time with them is priceless and I would never let skids take that away from me.
Sorry I dont know your story and how SS is taking time away from the kids but it's not petty at all to be bitter against a skid who causes nothing but problems.
I have a constant bitter grudge against BM and the skids for taking away from my quality of life
It is a very long story
It is a very long story filled with insane court hearings, alienation like I never thought possible and heartache. Our final hearing before we quit this fight is in 2 weeks, however due to scheduling of this hearing along with family obligations I now have to fly back and forth 3 times over a 3 week period. My bios are only making one of those trips with me. The final trip is 2 weeks before they leave for 2.5 months, so I am just bummed that I am missing a weekend with them that I wouldn't have had to if things could have aligned differently.
You have to go for court? Or
You have to go for court? Or just for support of DH? I hope you're not getting dragged in to court!
You are not petty or stupid
You are not petty or stupid just fed up at all the BS. You're human and are allowed to have those emotions. Heck I'd be annoyed too and I hear you! Don't down play your feelings.....It is, what it is. Hope you enjoyed your Mother's day regardless.
Thank you. I did enjoy it...
Thank you. I did enjoy it... the kids and DH did a really good job. SS19 even woke up early to clean the kitchen before I woke up because he knows how much I hate waking up to a messy kitchen!
I've actually had this exact
I've actually had this exact same debate. I love personalized jewelry. I have a ring with just my ODS birthstone since he was the only kid i had at the time but I want one with all of my bios. But I feel like I'm "not allowed" to have one excluding SD. Same with pictures - I really want some professional with just my bios because seeing SD evokes the opposite feelings that my bios do. I want to have them to look back on and go awww....not ugh.
Luckily pictures have never
Luckily pictures have never been an issue for us. In fact we often have a hard time getting a picture with all kids together. However, this jewelry thing bothered me for some reason. More than I realized... Until I was putting on the other necklace this morning... I just don't feel like SS14 belongs anymore. Which makes me sad and angry. Hopefully we will have some kind of closure soon...
Intellectually, I know that
Intellectually, I know that SS19 was alienated and being brainwashed and manipulated by his mother, but I just couldn't help being angry at him. I still can't help it. For now, he and DH seem to be building a better relationship and I'm happy about that. But I hate how he treats DH. I'm expecting that DH will get bupkis for Father's Day, not even a text, and I'm already annoyed by that, lol.
I have no relationship with him, by choice. He's not my stepson, he's my husband's son. If he comes out of the Mom Cult and figures out what happened to him, I'd be happy to forgive him. And I will always be civil to him if I need to be around him. But otherwise, there's no way I even consider him family at this point.
That is the hardest part for
That is the hardest part for me... Intellectually I KNOW that BM is behind it. I KNOW that SS was a completely different kid 9 months ago. I KNOW all of this. But I am tired of my heart hurting and seeing how much this has destroyed my husband. We did nothing to deserve this treatment. I hope that things can turn around one day. I just don't feel like that is likely the longer this process takes.
Maybe this is how I am preparing myself to cope with the loss in court. We were so sure we had slam dunk cases before and got shut down hard. I just don't know what to think... if we were in the court room here I wouldn't even question what we were facing. However out there.... damn...
I felt bad about it, too -
I felt bad about it, too - and DH is able to hold onto the fact that SS has been turned against him by BM, whereas I can't. That's because it's his bio child and he loves him unconditionally, and remembers him as a young child.
I've decided my anger at SS is OK, as long as it doesn't get in the way of DH's relationship with him, and it doesn't.
I dont think your unjustified
I dont think your unjustified in feeling angry with him at 19. I don't know much about PAS, but just from posts on here I can see a lot of my own moms behavior was probably alienation. So having been the kid in that situation I think it's fair to hold him somewhat accountable...she might influence him but hes not a robot thats completely unable to think or act for himself. If he was really little still and at the stage where parents are still the main influence I'd feel different.
Your feelings are valid! We
Your feelings are valid! We are human and are allowed to feel anger and bitterness regarding terrible situations.
That is a very sweet gift though!
I don’t think you’re being
I don’t think you’re being petty at all. I’ve known my skids since they were 4 and 8 years old. DH and I were married when they were 6 and 10. They are now 18 and 22, so I’ve known them and been their stepmom most of their lives. I have necklaces and rings that include their birthstones, and I have always considered them part of my family. My bio-son (the oldest of all the kids) took his life last year, and now I’m having trouble considering my skids my family. Skids went to live with their mom shortly after DS died, so they haven’t been part of our household for several months. They will never know how I feel and neither will DH. I feel a divide now between the families, but it’s my own feelings – not anyone else’s. I feel it’s me and my DH/me and my daughter/me, DH and my duaghter/DH and his kids – does that make sense? Before, I would say I had four kids – now I have one in heaven and one still with me and DH has his kids.
I am so sorry for you loss. I
I am so sorry for you loss. I can completely understand how you would feel the way you do.