Mid Visit Update
Grounding was effective- at least it made some impact.
He has actually had a lot of really good talks with DH and my BS. My BS called him out one night when they were hanging out- just the 2 of them. He asked why he kept being a d*ck to his dad. I guess that opened his eyes a little. SS suggested that DH call him on Sunday mornings around 10am instead of the Tuesday night call that was in the CO. He also said that he will start responding to texts messages and APOLOGIZED.
DH gave his phone back to him Tuesday morning and so far everything is going smoothly. Last night he put it up while we were playing games. That has never happened before.
I am sure this will not last once he gets back with BM, but I think we did get through to him on some level and not being able to run back and talk to BM over anything said made him come up with what HE wants his relationship with his dad to be like. It sounds like maybe he wants to have something.
I'm probably delusional- but this visit really has been nice. SS has even been talking about visiting colleges and mini trips we can take this summer when he comes back- we usually just get some non-committal sure, ok, yeah- he is actually saying things this time though!
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That's what PAS kids need
That's what PAS kids need desperately, the cord cut from the toxic parent so they can breath on their own. I hope it's a solid memory for him to pull out if he needs to. I know a lot of people didn't approve the grounding but I just knew you needed to do it. I swear , these kids need a breather when there is still a glimmer of a chance to make a solid memory. Another thing DH might want to do is look at old pictures of fun times they had together (if he has any) or tell old stories of those times. We found that helpful too.
The goal should be an authentic experience of dad. Lord knows he will have to bury it when he goes back.
We have a photo album of the
We have a photo album of the trips we have done with him- I will mention the idea to DH, it would be good to look back and maybe he will remember good times.
I am happy your visit is going well!
I would just be cautious because SS's BM is such a manipulator and queen of PAS that SS could of just learned from his mother how to get his way and manipulate a situation. I hope everything from SS during his visit has been genuine, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was all an act.
Great, glad you made some
Great, glad you made some progress.
I do think that in future visits, rather than making it a punishment to lose his phone, just take it so he doesn't feel tethered to BM all the time (or to social media or a GF or whatever he's doing on his phone).
And what NotYourAverage said above me - he's a manipulator like his mother. My SS always told us what we wanted to hear and then it didn't happen.
I am not holding my breath
I am not holding my breath for anything- At this point who knows what will happen. I don't think DH is either.
We are "dropping the rope" when it comes to the fight- We will buy the tickets for his visits- up until he doesn't come and then it will be over, no court, no drama- just let go.
We do still have the final hearing and got a date for it yesterday- but this is all financial stuff- no custody or visitation or anything. Guilty of contempt- the money BM owes us for that and finally settling CS and Alimony.