I swear, I can't get away from drama
I was so excited about booking a vacation. Our first in 3 years. My son is 16, he is going to be in college next time I blink. This is one of our last chances to make those family memories.
Due to my kids schedule with their father, he get's them for all but 2 weeks in the summer. Usually I just pull them from school for a week when we do a trip. Obviously since DD missed 5 weeks of school from her accident, and probably at least another week or 2 for follow up appointments, I can't take her out this year. The dates I booked had them going to their dad's Sunday Morning instead of Saturday afternoon. I figured this wouldn't be a big deal.... except what I didn't realize is that Sunday is Father's day.
Once I found out I called and profusely apologized, he understood, said it's no big deal, they will be there before Lunch, it's not like I took the day from him- all good. Glad we get to go, he understood.
BUT THEN HIS WIFE STARTED IN. She texted my kids at school to ruin the surprise. She told them that father's day is now ruined. That is am selfish and inconsiderate. That she never wants to speak to me again. That I really just must spend my days trying to F up things for their dad... On and On.
She texted me that I was taking advantage of exH and that she couldn't be a part of our co-parenting anymore. That all communication needed to be between me and exH. (For the record, that is all I ever wanted but she used to go insane if she wasn't included, so to keep peace I worked with her). I apologized to her and said that I definitely didn't have any malicious intentions about it. It was literally the only week that could work for me to be able to travel with my kids. When I booked it, I didn't even realize the date as being father's day. But sure, no problem, I will handle all communication with ExH from now on.
I didn't find out about the texts to my kids until Saturday evening and waited until the Sunday to contact their father. He had no idea that she did that and apologized and said that he would talk to her. I honestly believe him. So does DH.
This broad then turns around and starts texting me about how she never did it and how I say way worse things about her and on and on.
Nope- not going down that path. I just told her she is overstepping, needs to back off. Re-read the texts she sent. She wanted out of communication and she is out, have a great day.
I am all out of F's to give and there is no way I am letting this bitter broad ruin our trip. My kids are going to have an amazing time. DH and I are so excited for this. But what kind of person texts kids in school, says "Your mom booked a cruise for you and now fathers day is ruined." ???
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Yikes. I have legitimate
Yikes. I have legitimate reasons for wanting to go off on ET, but I wouldn't never drag the kids into it.
Does this make you wonder if she is the reason your XH went from being reasonable to making some of these bone-headed comments recently? Or maybe she has been texting on his behalf without him knowing?
I can understand being upset. Heck, as a SM, I can even understand where she would think you did it on purpose. But my reaction would be to just plan something for a different weekend - especially if it was a one-off occurrence AND I knew there were 6 other weeks of summer to plan something.
Early on she was really bad.
Early on she was really bad. She was really young too, she was 21 (11 years younger than him and 8 younger than me). There was once incident right after they got married. My kids didn't want to go to their dad's. I told him to come in and talk to them, DD was hiding under her bed and I wasn't going to physically drag her out. She was like 3/4.
SM came up to my door and tried to push her way into my home and told me that she has as many rights to my kids as I did. She was very lucky that I didn't take her out right then and there.
I really thought that she had mellowed out and grown up for a while now. She's like 31 now! I know my ex married a child, but damn! There were flare ups that would make me roll my eyes but she is apparently just nuts.
I'm not much older than her,
I'm not much older than her, and I think she has lost her marbles. Many young SMs make mistakes (I know I sure did), but after a decade, she knows what kind of relationship y'all have. She knows you're not trying to overstep. Sure, you made a mistake and your XH seems to have gotten over it. Not sure why she feels the need to publicly seethe.
Sounds like you have to teach
Sounds like you have to teach your kids how to manage their HCSM. Wtf!? What would she do if the kids told her " you're not my mom we don't have to listen to you". (Smirk). I think I would give permission to kids to block her, distance themselves from her. They don't need that crap.
Good grief. She wants all
Good grief. She wants all communication to be between you and XH? Fine. Unless it's an emergency, all future texts from her should be ignored. SMDH
Sounds like life in their house is all about her
She is why stepmom's get a bad wrap. I would never begrudge my children doing something like a cruise because of "Mother's Day" falling in there, much less stick my nose in as a step parent. Sorry you have this person to complicate your life.
It happens, you didn't check
It happens, you didn't check the actual date, so be it. She can just go no contact and let you deal with him, he sounds more reasonable anyways (even if he's a cradle robber, yuck!).
My DH and I have been putting off vacation for 3 years as well, we just now have a 4 night stay on the coast w/our pups... come to find out I booked over Mother's day lol. So I won't see my mom and my kids won't see me (they're grown and we live together so no biggy). My family has always been flexible on celebrating a different day.
Hope you have a wonderful time!!
She is a maroon.. you
She is a maroon.. you litterally have the reciepts! she texted you. I would simply screen shot it all and send it to your EX and tell him that you agree that it would be best if his wife was out of the loop.. based on her response!
I think L-D is on to something here
It really seems like most of the issues are coming from your ex-H wife. She is revealing herself to be not a great person. Sorry, this must suck for you especially as you already have enough on your plate.
PS Did you SS21's mother slink off back to whatever hole she emerged from?
None of us have heard a thing
None of us have heard a thing from her, so here's hoping she got back on meds or is off on another bender- whatever has her leaving us alone! LOL
I agree that it is generally
I agree that it is generally better to get permission first before we actually make a booking that might fall on time that is firmly in the other parent's side of the calendar. Because.. what if her EX had booked a cruise to leave the first day of his custody.. or first thing the next AM.. or something like that.. it may have been a big deal then. I mean.. I get it to the extent that when you book a cruise.. it's not like a normal vacation with complete flexibility of start date.. you have to pick one of their preset schedules.. but I do think booking prior to getting the sign off was probably a mistake
I don't know that it makes you selfish.. or absolutely inconsiderate.. I don't know the flow of your typical custody.. do the days generally not stay firm for either of you.. so you are both used to it being no big deal to shift a day here or there? If so.. I guess you just assumed it would be ok now.. and well.. we know that when you ASSume.. you make an "azz" out of U and Me.. lol.
But... she doesn't need to jump on you when you have already spoken with your DH and he gave his approval to the change.. obviously.. they DID NOT have something big planned since he was fine with the shift.
Sol.. could you.. should you have checked before you pulled the trigger on booking? probably.. but her response to you when you already had spoken with your DH was uncalled for.
I probably should have
I probably should have confirmed, true.
However, as I said above, it was still within our 7-10 days after school gets out time frame for them to go. I have it that way so that i can take a vacation with them. Yes, father's day was a total mistake!! But considering he was fine with it, she was out of line.
We are normally very flexible, I am supposed to get them back 7-10 days before school gets back but due to a trip they are taking they won't be back until 4 days before school starts. I am not going make them miss that because it's MY DAY.
OMG! I feel so lucky!!!!! I
OMG! I feel so lucky!!!!! I have never ever texted or spoken to BM on the phone and vice versa! And I have only seen her twice in 7 years - both times by accident by running into her in a store. And she and I would never ever try to go into each other homes. My DH has his issues (which is enought for me to deal with) but for the most part I think I have the best BM in the world!!!
If the children's father doesn't care
that the kids will arrive later on Father's Day then he should of, then why does she care and think it is totally appropriate to be texting her skids complaining about it and ultimately also ruining a surprise? The children aren't skipping father's day all together.
You really never can escape the drama, I'm sorry that sucks.
Oh man I am cringing reading
Oh man I am cringing reading about this immature HCSM. The fact on how she brings you and your children into conflict is just not ok. I think your mistake is genuine. we are human, we make mistakes! The fact you even explained yourself to your exH and apologised about the mistake you made seemed genuine to me based on your custody agreement and years of your past history. You do not sound like a HCBM, I think you have a HCSM. How many of us SM's on here want to create drama by expecting to communicate with the BM, and drag thier SK's into drama and texting them behind their DH's backs? I don't think they would be on this forum.
If she has concerns about you and your exH agreements, she needs to hit up your exH not supporting her, not blast you and your kids. That is just not ok dragging kids into it.
From reading your posts over
From reading your posts over the years it seems like SM had a fairytale in her mind. She was going to be the BEST stepmom ever. Love the kids as her own, everyone will look and see how good she is that she's swooped in to rescue this man and his children, etc. But that sort of scenario is only possible if the bio mom is permanently gone and kids really young when it happened. What she got instead was YOU. A loving devoted mother that has the kids majority of the time. You weren't going to go away any time soon so there goes her fairytale. And to make matters worse for her, you and exH co-parent reasonably well. So she feels threatened when she feels like the third wheel. Her solution? Insert herself in between you and exH to manage your kids even though it's not her place. Your exH was never a hands on parent to begin with so he's used to the dynamic of letting his partner do all the planning. So what you end up with is the bonehead ex going along with whatever idiotic scheme his wife cooks up to make her fantasy a bit closer to reality.
I never pictured it like that
I never pictured it like that but I think you really hit the nail on the head!
I'm sure you must've
I'm sure you must've mentioned it at some point but I never realised how darn young SM was when she entered the scene with exH. You gotta ask yourself what on earth does a 21yo see in a 30 something year old divorcee with two kids?! Any reasonable 21yo girl would've run for the hills. The only answer I can come up with is someone from a dysfunctional family with low self esteem issues. She sees a older worldly man and thinks "yay! instant family".
She wasn't much more than a teenager. And teens fall in love head over heels. By our 30s we're much more cautious entering relationships. Teens though are super possessive and dive into relationships with rose tinted glasses and tunnel vision. Some people when they're proven wrong will adjust their view, some people double down. SM sounds like the latter.
She is NOT one of us! I was
She is NOT one of us! I was happy to miss a day with skids. LoL.