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FREAKING OUT

justmakingthebest's picture

Some of you know that I had a very short 2nd marriage before DH. We met, married in 6 months and the marriage was over in 11 months. He was abusive and his son was the literal spawn of Satan.. His father being actual Satan. 

When I left I moved about 35 mins away to the town I grew up in and family lives in. He stayed in that house. ExH2's mom lives not far from us, but I haven't even run into her at a store or anything. However, since she is on more of a main road that I drive on often I have noticed exH2's trucks there. 

Before school started I called the guidance office to tell them to make sure that BS15 and exSS15 were not in any classes together because if they lived with exMIL, exSS would go to BS's school. I knew they wouldn't be in any core classes but maybe gym or something. ExSS was... slow... and violent. I am talking tried to throw a chair through the window in Kindergarten. 

Anyway, I was praying that he would have moved out or something... but BS just texted and told me he just saw him. I told him to stay away and I didn't want him or his father anywhere near BS. ExSS used to torment BS. 

BS keeps insisting that exSS is fine, totally chilled out. I am just not ok! I managed to keep us from them for years! We left 9 years ago and I haven't had to face them. I am freaking out and want to go grab my son right now and homeschool or something. Talk me down ladies. I am so close to a panic attack. 

Comments

ESMOD's picture

I know it's tough to let go and allow your kids to make good decisions.. and connections when you can't manage that directly.

You do have to allow that it's possible that the spawn of satan did somehow end up being a decent kid at some point.. that there maybe were situations at the time that caused more to happen then.. and things are in a better place now for him.

YOu also have to give your son some credit that he is able to be discerning about who he interacts with and how well he is prepared to protect himself from someone with poor intentions.. not necesarily violence.. but perhaps keeping people at arm's length until you get a full read on them per se.   

At this point, I think you need to have the talk with him about the kid.. the history he had with the kid in the past and that while the kid may be or appear to be chill now.. he should probably have his guard up to an extent.  That he is of an age where the reputation and actions of his peers can reflect on him so it is super important to surround yourself with good people.. 

I'm not sure if you should go into any of the history with the kid's dad.. to explain why you might not want him to forge some connection with this kid that might rope that toxic mess back into your life.. that could kind of go two ways.. so maybe better left unsaid.?

tog redux's picture

BS is 15 now, not 6. Just make sure he knows how to stand up for himself. 
 

Sounds like a trauma reaction for you. 

thinkthrice's picture

from the sidelines.  If your DS is communicative, he'll tell you that ex-SS is going back into bully mode.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Do you have contact with a therapist? If you do, call and see if you can get a session with them today. If you don't, it's time to find one because you're dealing with so much crap right now that it would be very helpful.

Your BS is 15. He's likely not the only kid in school who has ex-steps going to school with them. You're not going to be able to control what BS does or who he's around. That is outside your control. Even if you homeschooled him, he'd still likely be friends with kids from his school, and they may befriend XSS and then BS is still exposed that way.

What you CAN control is giving BS a heads up on how to handle this situation. He is older, bigger, and smarter now. XSS is also all those things, and it's quite possible that he isn't following in XH's footsteps.

It may also be a good idea to consult your local DV organization for advice. I doubt this is the first time something like this has happened, and they may have resources for you. Do a bit more research today on that front. That's what you can control today.

CallMeCrazy's picture

It's been NINE years. These aren't little boys fighting in the bedroom anymore. They're teens at the same (possibly large) high school and your DS sounds like he has no issue with XSS. He even called him "chill." I wouldn't discuss or react to DS about this anymore, unless an issue arises in the future. Your reaction sounds like it's more about you and how the marriage impacted you, so maybe speak with a therapist so you can resolve it? 

The boys attending the same school sounds like it's currently going well. Deep breath and appreciate that it wasn't awful drama right away. Smile

justmakingthebest's picture

I am calming down now and I do acknowledge that this is my trauma- but this was not a normal kid even 9 years ago. We are talking the kind of kid that we all recommend that you take your kids and run because something is wrong and he is not normal. 

I hope that he is medicated and "chill" like BS said but mostly I just hope they steer clear. I don't want his father to know where we live or anything about us. I refused to sign divorce papers for years because you have to disclose you address. I waiting until I was 2 weeks out from moving to do that so that we could get out of there before he had it. It is a big school, they just need to stay apart. 

advice.only2's picture

Hopefully your BS doesn't have any classes with him and can avoid him if he needs to.  If stuff starts happening you know you will get the school involved, the police if need be and so on.  I know it's hard to not know what's going to happen, but at this point all you can do is wait and see.

When Spawn lived with us she would pick on BS, when he got to high school she liked having her friends pick on him at school and played innocent she didn't know what was going on.  DH contacted the school and reported the friends and Spawn and they got to have a nice visit with the counselor and VP to discuss their actions.  After that Spawn's friends steered clear of BS.  BS to this day can't stand Spawn and wants nothing to do with her.  

justmakingthebest's picture

I am glad to hear that the school got involved. The counselor I contacted when I had my first suspicions that he would be going to BS's school, was wonderful and offered to get everyone involved right away- I said I wanted to wait and see. That is the rational thing to do. It was just a gut punch yesterday when BS texted me his name. I guess you really don't ever truly get over abuse. 

ImFreeAtLast's picture

I'm sorry this must be really hard. Let your son use his own discretion. Hope he has high standards for his friends and won't associate with the Spawn of Satan.