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Buying another plane ticket today

justmakingthebest's picture

We have court for contempt for Christmas on Feb 25th. Plane tickets are for March 21st. We plan on specifically having our lawyer bring up spring break and her refusal to communicate with DH on anything ever. We gave her 24 hrs to respond for the tickets we are buying this evening. Of course we didn't hear a word. 

I am so sick of these games. 

For those that don't know my back story:

  • BM has PASed my SS15 beyond belief
  • She has refused to send him per the court orders to our state for over 17 months
  • SS currently believes that his father never wanted him or fought for him, that it was all me because I want to take him away from his mother. (Puhlease! I have 2 teens of my own plus SS19-special needs from BM1 that live with me full time. I don't need another teenager!)
  • SS has publicly rejected his father every time he sees him around his mom
  • HOWEVER- SS also hugged and cried and told his dad he loved him the last time that they saw each other when BM wasn't in the room.
  • BM was the one that moved away when she left DH while he was on a deployment 6.5 years ago.
  • We have spent over 60K in the last 3 years in this battle.
  • DH going there is not an option. They live in a No-Stoplight town. DH either has to get a hotel about an hour from SS or stay with MIL which is over 1.5 hrs from SS. PLUS there is 0 guarantee that SS will even be there when DH gets there. BM likes to send him away during DH's parenting time so that no one can reach him. 

 

Comments

Aunt Agatha's picture

This is what is so sick with the system. $60k is just unfathomable, with no consequences for the BM.

You have the patience of a saint.

futurobrillante99's picture

OMG - That's just insane. I hope someone finally sees the light and helps get that kid away from his nutter mother.

Siemprematahari's picture

I hope your H gets some justice in all this insanity. It's ridiculous that she gets to continue getting away with this nonsense and there have been no consequences. I hope the judge sees through all the bullshit and that she gets h@ll for it all.

Positive vibes, chin up!

Aniki's picture

How awful! I will never understand what is WRONG with these horrible excuses masquerading as human beings to do things like this. I sincerely hope something will be accomplished and end this BS once and for all.

While it's a no-stoplight town, is there any possibility of an airbnb closer than an hour away?

somethingwicked's picture

I feel so sorry for the SS and his father and you for having to deal with the crazy .

What an effing,calculating ,evil monster this  bioho.

I hope your DH kicks her a$$ in court.Very best of luck to you both to prevail.

tog redux's picture

I think, unfortunately, the only way to stop the game is to stop playing yourselves. 

Please, if this court date ends with nothing again - it's time to drop the rope.  It's the definition of insanity to keep trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

And you know that I do know just how hard that is -  but I also know how much peace it brought us to drop the rope. 

justmakingthebest's picture

That is our plan. If nothing happens this hearing and SS doesn't show up for spring break, we are done. No more hearings, no more contempt. DH will simply let SS know that he can't keep up this fight. 

He also will let SS know that we will not pay for a car or college or anything above CS. Relationships are reciprocal. If he isn't going to even try with DH, that is on him. 

The only thing we will fight is BM lying about her income trying to leach more from our household. 

tog redux's picture

Please don't tell SS that - he's an alienated kid, he's effectively a psychological hostage. Just tell him, "Love you son, the door is always open for you."  Deal with cars and college when they come.  Saying that to him might make you feel better but it will make him feel even MORE like BM is correct and DH doesn't love him anymore. 

The key is to keep the door open and act like who you are - which isn't who BM says you are. 

Iamwoman's picture

I couldn't believe the first time you lost in court. I thought for sure you had a winning case. This is insane.

The fact that SS will cry and hug his dad in private indicates something beyond PAS. It seems to me that SS is being mentally and emotionally abused by his mother (I know PAS is mental/emotional abuse too, but usually PAS'd kids don't put on a show only when their mother is around. They usually lock-step with BM 24/7 and drink the koolaid). Our skids never indicate anything other than 100% koolaid drinking at all times.

I feel so sorry for you, DH, and skid.

tog redux's picture

Some PAS'd kids snap out of it quickly when the alienating parent isn't around - my SS used to. 

advice.only2's picture

We spent 7 years in and out of court fighting against a junkie who was incarcerated several times, even did time in another state....so I understand just how pathetic the family court system is.

I agree with Tog drop the rope and just let SS know he is loved and the door is always open. I know you want to say things like "we won't pay for a car or college!" but it's better not to, all that would do is feed into all the bullsh*t BM is feeding him about his dad.

thinkthrice's picture

when referring to "family" court.  You can't fight city hall!  You should get a medal and a trophy for putting up with the biowhore's vindictive actions!!!

bananaseedo's picture

If I were you, I'd not buy the ticket and cancel court....or each time you will say 'one more time' -in the meantime you have spent thousands for the same result.  I doubt at his age it would change.  Just have his dad tell him he loves him and door is open if/when he wants to be a part of his life again.

 

tog redux's picture

Yes, I agree. Don't buy the ticket and cancel the court date.  "One more time" could go on forever. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Even our lawyer said we need to buy this last ticket and stop. Without it, he can't hold anything over her head and with the 15K she owes us in contempt charges- I am not ready to stop that until after this hearing. I will totally put liens on her everywhere I can. I also will get my debt collectors that I use at work to go after this bitch. 

tog redux's picture

OK - so if they refuse to find her in contempt, refuse to make her pay the 15K and he doesn't show up for Spring break, you guys are done? What if the judge delays this hearing?

It can go on and on - and there is almost no chance you will get that money back, given what's happened so far. 

bananaseedo's picture

Wait, I think you mentioned that your DH wouldn't attend the hearing, but the attorney would do a conference thing right?  Also, when is that coming up btw?  I understand if he's wanting to show 'effort' one more time.  Is the court date after spring break? Otherwise can you hold off buying the ticket?

So far, how many tickets is that already that he hasn't shown up including this last time?  Or maybe (though costs more) by a fully refundable ticket (no penalty to change) which is like a temporary hold since you know he won't show.

 

justmakingthebest's picture

Correct, we aren't flying out for this hearing it will be a conference call. This is just for her lawyer not following the judges orders on the JE and leaving out the items that favored DH and including more that was never ordered, Contempt for Christmas and asking for Judgment for Spring Break, Medical and school issues that have happened. That is on Feb. 25th, so 3 weeks before spring break.

He hasn't shown up 2X. We f'ed up for summer because we didn't buy the tickets- so without us getting tickets there is no contempt for him not coming over the summer. How could she send him if we never got a ticket? 

The flight right now is only $278. If we wait we will see it go up to the $500+ which we have paid for in the past. We know the judge will order her to send him for spring break. That was always ordered and up until last year he ALWAYS came. Like, since they first split up before I was in the picture at all. A refundable ticket is over $1000- Plus there has to be a refundable reason. Her not taking him to the airport isn't a reason that insurance pays us back for. If we cancel for other reasons you have to do it 24 hrs before the flight. She won't ever say anything so that doesn't work. We have been down that road already with spring break last year and our cruise. 

bananaseedo's picture

Just as an FYI- a fully refundable ticket needs NO reason given for cancellation, you can even be a no show....no advance notice given.  I work for an airline and that's pretty standard.  Insurance is a different thing entirely (which I've never done on trips).

 

Gimlet's picture

This is true!

And if you fly Southwest, even Wanna Get Away fares will give you a credit up to 10 minutes before the flight (not sure if that works for you though).

justmakingthebest's picture

Unfortuately the only airlines we can use are United and Delta. Small airports suck. Neither has an option that allows you to cancel within 24 hrs of the flight without a "documented" reason. I have tried, believe me.