Alimony
Court is in 7 days y'all!! I am a wreck. DH is a wreck. This is the worst feeling ever.
Backstory of going to court: BM accused DH and I of child endangerment, wants all parental rights removed and more alimony.
Well, we think we figured out where this came from. In running through all of the medical stuff, we remembered that when we took SS to a genetics clinic out here, she called the office- demanded the appointment be stopped. The staff there said that unless DH's parental rights have been terminated, they will see SS whenever DH feels fit to bring him in. --- This was our big AH HA! moment. That is why she wants parental rights terminated, so she can have all the false diagnosis she wants and DH can't even get a second or 1st for that matter opinion- like for EDS and for Dyslexia and POTS (found out that all his symptoms are "fading" according to the doc and he won't have the diagnosis for long... does that mean he didn't actually ever have it??).
Also, in our digging, we found that in school records and medical records she has been listing her boyfriend as Dad or Stepfather since early 2017. This was before the divorce was even finalized. Hopefully this is just another reason to prove that they are and have been living as husband and wife since 2016 and therefore my DH doesn't need to subsidize that home anymore- She is her BF's problem, not ours. We also have her stating 3 different times that the start date of alimony was 8 months earlier than what her lawyer is giving credit for and we have her swearing that she would never go after arrears and she wouldn't change the amount they agreed to.
The amount he paid for almost 4 years was $945/month. The final divorce, which DH never even saw the amount until the judge awarded it was $1450. So he went into arrears for 4 years worth of payments of $500/month. They back dated it all to his first check. However she stated in texts to him multiple time that she would just pull it from his bank account since it was easier for her that way and she didn't want to take her name off if it. Finally DH changed banks to keep her out of his account and started writting checks. But we are praying that since we have all of these messages the judge will end alimony.
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I think ive read your story
I think ive read your story before. I hope all goes well and the truth comes oit. As much as the skids are a pain in my ass, im glad we have full custody now. Dealing with skids is easier than BM!
What state does BM live in?
What state does BM live in? (And don't answer "deranged" - *biggrin* )
I try not to answer too many
I try not to answer too many questions that could lead this back to us...
Totally understand
Your instincts are correct; only share what you're comfortable with. I have paranoia about BM or SS finding/reading my blogs, too.
Keep breathing, you got this.
Sorry, I wasn't thinking. I
Sorry, I wasn't thinking. I was just curious about how the state viewed common law marriage. Didn't mean any offence.
None taken! The state does
None taken! The state does have guidelines that if you are co-habitating that alimony can be stopped. Since she has been listing her BF as dad and stepdad since before the divorce was finalized, I feel like we might have something good on her now finally!
I really hope so! It sounds
I really hope so! It sounds to me as if she's had her court-ordered alimony (i.e. the whole 40 months you referred to) and is now pushing her luck by trying to ask for more, right?
Alimony
What do terms of his court order say? Alimony till death or remarriage? Is there common law marriage in your state (very few have for new relationships). If it says death, remarriage or cohabitation, I think the forms will help you, but he may say he lived elsewhere (like with his mom). Good luck.
She lied about where she was
She lied about where she was living, we have proof of that now. It did state that there was a predetermined amount of months to pay, however, the state law said that Alimony can be terminated if there is co-habitation or remarriage. We are just hoping that this will stop her asking for more $$$.
Good luck. I know you've not
Good luck. I know you've not fared well in this court so far, but I'm hoping this time will be different.
My dh's ex tried to threaten
My dh's ex tried to threaten alimony after we had been married over 10 years and they had been divorced years before that. Their decree said that alimony was not ordered but reserved and either party could request if circumstances dictated it. Of course after all that time and the fact that she had been living with her bf almost 10 years rendered the request ss having no merit.
These days it is more common for alimony to not be awarded...or if it is to limit the duration for the spouse to get on their fert... long term alimony generally is for longtime married situations where the spouse may have been a stay at home etc... even then. Remarriage will often cut it off. Praying your judge sees the truth
Yeah, they were married a
Yeah, they were married a whole 9 years. Split since 2013 and she still wants more alimony even though the paperwork said 40 months. DH had been paying up until May this year.
Oh, so BM filed for this
Oh, so BM filed for this court date? I thought your DH did, because she's withholding visitation (though I get everyone's story mixed up).
They will NEVER grant a termination of parental rights and she is making herself look bad even requesting it. On what grounds does she feel rights should be terminated?
So we filed for alienation
So we filed for alienation but found out 3 days before we filed she filed all of this! We were going pro se but since we were accused of endangering SS we kept our lawyer.
They won't say how we endangered him, we think it is becasue we took him to the doctor.
I feel strongly that the court wont termniate and we might even get more visitation - which the main goal. I am worried about alimony though and I finally think we have enough to shut that down.
Oh my ... if she is really
Oh my ... if she is really going to accuse you of endangering the child because you took him to a doctor (and a specialist, to boot) then she really is a loon.
I hope your lawyer is of the pit bull variety ...
Court is always nervwracking
And I havent even been, just DH. First Divorce and Alimony and then Child Support. Hopefully we are seeing the end of the tunnel, as alimony ends March 2020. Unfortuantely Child support wont end for, oh another 5 years and 7 months.
Its all just yuk. Good luck.
Sometimes us stepmoms win in court
it does happen sometimes, you know. Dd4's dad beat North Korea. North Korea took him back to court and her $1000 a month was knocked down to $480 and he was given credit for overpaying her. Lulu just won.
i think y'all have a very, very strong case. You talked to the judge 's clerk, right ? Cause her lawyer never did what the judge asked last night and your DH received none of his summer visitation? And now she has asking for your husband's parental rights to be terminated and y'all have all of her crazy shenanigans documented. I think the judge is going to be fed up with her and her lawyer disobeying his orders and it's not going to go the way BM wants. And who knows? He may end her alimony . Her should end her alimony if you have prove that they are cohabitating and is daring to ask for even more money . Is your lawyer going to bring up that y'all believe the motive for all these fake diagnosis on SS is so she she can get disability for him illegally and that she doesn't wish to work to support herself? I think a judge is going to see right through her and y'all are going to win
Yes we are bringing all of
Yes we are bringing all of that up, and the clerk notified the judge when she found out why we filed (before we knew about her filing). The clerk said "Oh, Judge ___ isn't going to be happy about this. I am going to give him a heads up about this situation now!".
I hope that the judge would see through all of this. I hope we get normal visitation. I hope that some of the nonsense will end!
I have to agree with
I have to agree with NoWireCoatHangars, I think you have a really good chance because there is SOOO much stuff happening.
In our case, we were scheduled to have one hearing per one thing. So, the restraining order was one, then making the temporary emergency custody permanent was one, and having BM remove the Instagram account she created in SD12's name was another... I think there was at least one other thing before we got to the hearing for reduction of CS, but now I can't remember...
In any case, they were originally scheduled for separate hearings, and when they went in for the first hearing, the judge asked the court secretary if DH and BM had any other cases pending and when she read off the entire list, he said, "We'll get most of this out of the way today" and they got started.
At first, he was fairly dismissive of the whole thing. He denied the restraining order and then granted the permanent custody, but after he saw all the photos BM had been posting the the fake IG account she made for SD12, he actually went back on his own denial and granted the RO! Which then made the CS case that much more obvious.
He started really lenient with BM, but then there was another issue, and then other, and then another, many documented with texts and photos... multiple things that showed BM was off her dang rocker. Taken separately, I'm not sure they would've made an impression but when they were all put together in short succession, they painted a pretty picture of the train wreck she is right now.
You have, what? All the "fake" diagnoses, your own alienation case pending, her refusal to follow the judge's orders from one of the latest hearings, and now records of her living with her boyfriend WHILE she is trying to get more money from DH in alimony WHILE she's trying to terminate DH's parental rights?? I just feel like if that all gets presented in one fell swoop, she is going to make your case for you. I certainly hope she does!
We were not at all confident in the case with BM because the first few times DH was in court for her off-med parenting problems, they did NOT take it seriously at all. We lost a handful of times before we won. So I know how stressful it is, but I really, really hope this goes in your favor and she is shut down.
Any update, Justmakingthebest
Any update, Justmakingthebest? I've been thinking about you, and I thought you had your court date earlier this week. I really hope it went well.