I absolutely understand how you feel. I had that when DH and I bought our house. I was so excited but he didn't seem all that excited because he had "already been through this before". At one point I had to tell him to shut up about the house that BM and him had or I wasn't going to sign the papers. I always feared he would be like that if I got pregnant.

I hear a lot of steps talk about this feeling.

I don't think its so much that I feel like I'll be missing out on experiencing a 'first'-when I have a child, because he/she will be my first. Its just that the excitement might seem kind of hollow because I don't get to share that joy with BF because he already has a daughter. Its kind of a lonely feeling for me.

I had my first baby with DH - I was so excited and wanted to buy everything and this and that and DH was so not into it - I got so mad because I was like is it because it is with me or is it because you have two other children??? But as people have told me before, yes she got his first but you have his forever

I am almost in the exact same place you are with the exception of being a SM and it is very unlikely that I will have bio-kids. I think we are missing something and I don't believe that can be replaced by having step-kids, but I am thankful that I have been part of their lives when they are young so I do get to experience some of the excitement of having small children. I do believe not having bio-children is a loss that people should face, it is not bad or wrong but something to be acknowledged at least personally.

Be the first with you and someone she truly loves.

No, firsts don't matter.

Seconds are often much better, especially if you learned from the first experience.

I totally understand those feelings. What I do when it gets to me is talk to FH about it - he's very supportive and reminds me that our firsts are our firsts. He says for him it's no less exciting, no less second best and no less second rate - with me, all of those things will be with someone who loves him and cares for him as opposed to someone who less inclusive with him about the whole process and who, over time, showed less and less care for him. Our relationship is far healthier and happier than his previous marriage was even in its best days, and I know he's excited to share in some of those big moments the way they're meant to be shared between people.

"do you think getting to experience that whole period of looking forward to a birth of your own child can be replaced by having step-kids?"
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I accepted the fact that DH couldn't have more kids when we started talking about getting married. BM wasn't around at the time, so we had them FT. I love his kids & I did decide that having them in my life could help me fulfill my needs to nurture & love children, & I could help fill the voids in their hearts that BM left when she decided she didn't want to be a mother after all. It all worked out well until BM came back into the picture. Skids went back to live with her & we no longer see them. They have their voids filled, but I'm still trying to figure out how to cope with mine.

I would love to have children of my own, but I think about it like this...I could've had children with my ex-husband, but I'm glad I didn't because he's an ass, & I hate the thought of having to deal with him in my life forever because we'd have a child together. I can't imagine my life without my DH. It's more important to me to be with a man who is trustworthy, & who loves, respects, & cherishes me, than to be with a man because he can give me children. I'm not saying I couldn't have found it all in one man. Many women do. DH was just too good for me to pass up.

Firsts aren't really important to me. I guess because I know I had many "firsts" with other people before I met DH, as well as him having had many before he met me. It all comes down to the fact that everybody has a past. As I go through life with DH, we will experience many firsts together as well.

I think unless you truly love your Skids and they truly love you, no strings attached then no they cannot fill the void. Some people will say different because everyone is different. Some people never have the void and probably won't ever have the need to have a child, some people have gaping holes that need to be filled. I do not love my SS, he is a good kid and he is my husbands child but I am not his mother. Our relationship is similiar to how a close family friend would feel towards children she sees as family. Since having a baby I could never have imagine the love and bond I have with him. It feels like there was a piece missing and now it has been found. When I think of how much I love my son my chest gets tight and I want to explode. That does not happen with SS, maybe one day but I doubt that. As for the other firsts, they don't matter. Even the first child is not a big deal. Each situation is different and to DH our baby feels like his first. He really got to enjoy our pregnancy. With SS, he was not planned, they had broken up. They were fresh out of high school, she had a 3 year already. He didn't want to be with her, and had to work 3 jobs to care for them all. He only did what he thought was best for SS by marrying BM. The times were not joyous and he didn't see SS much. Now this time is really different, we are married, in love, the baby was planned. Times are good right now, so no worries there, and DH gets to be a SAHD. So this is kind of a first for him.