Do you ever feel like giving up?
Does anyone ever feel like just giving up and walking away? Do you ever just want to stop fighting a fight you know you can't win? Love does not conquer all! I can't even put all the thoughts in my head into something that will be readable they are so jumbled and all over the place. It is the same thing day after day, year after year and it will never change I just want to run, take my kids and run. But as my heart breaks everyday, everyday I keep hoping. I can't run, I can't move my feet are like cement blocks and to heavy to lift. I can't breath I can't eat, I don't sleep, for as much as I love this man the baggage he comes with is to much for anyone to handel. Not even the skids but BM. I don't want it anymore, but don't how to escape without feeling gulity and defeated. I don't want her to win, but I can no longer live with OUR time being intruded on daily for stupid shit, I know I can't control her actions, but he will not set boundries. Knowing he is with me and lies down and wakes up every day with me is not enough. I want to be able to go out and enjoy each other without bullshit calls from BM, his attitude is "she is the mother of my kids" so I have to answer it could be important, 99% of the time it is bullshit, and I know she looks like the fool making the call. But I just give up, I can't do it anymore!
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Sometimes the bad out-weighs
Sometimes the bad out-weighs the good and I want to just give up and walk away.
Sometimes the good outweighs the bad and, well, here I still sit.
I feel like my frustrations
I feel like my frustrations peak on the weekend when the SK's are here. Then things settle back to normal during the week and I'm happy where I'm at. Then the weekend rolls around, and then I'm not happy.
It's not that I don't want DH to see/spend time with his kids. I've NEVER felt that way. It's just how everything is when we are all together here in this house. Tired of being ignored by SK's. Tired of hearing my DH say "I can't do anything about it, they don't live here" when one of his kids does something, yet ALWAYS has a consequence to hand out when one of MY kids does something. Tired of feeling like DH "owes" the BM something, so is always rolling out the red carpet for her.
It's hard to explain, some days I'm happy with where I'm at, and it's usually on my better days of mastering disengagement. Then there's other days where I duck into a deep, dark place that just has me so down I don't feel like I'll ever get up again.
Ugh.
Tired of feeling like DH
Tired of feeling like DH "owes" the BM something, so is always rolling out the red carpet for her.
^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^
It is worse on the wekends we don't have the kids, when we have thme she NEVER calls but when it is our weekend to ourselves there is always some malfuction she has and needs to call him. I feel our relationship should come first, one day all of the kids will be grown with lives of their own, if we don't make our realtionship work we will be alone. I don't want that.
Yea they never want to rock
Yea they never want to rock the boat with BM, but it is ok to rock the boat with me! You live with me you should be keeping the peace with me, what is she going to do not let you see them and give up her free time, NOT HAPPENING! Agian it is a fight I can't win, which is the reason for my blog!
It took years for my DH to
It took years for my DH to set any boundaries & it took years for BM to back off, not because she was respecting boundaries but because she started getting her own life and finally coming to terms that her needs were NOT going to come before mine
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
She has a life on our weekends and when it is her weeknds she doesn't give us the respect to be left alone. When we have the kids we doesn't call her or bother her. HE doesn't seem to set boundries. Shrugs IDK!
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your support. I could just cry reading all of your responses. The feeling I feel now, there are no words other then , defeat, disgust and heart break.
Every single day I want to
Every single day I want to leave.
My luggage is light. My exH is dead and my grown kids are nothing but wonderful, thoughtful, helpful people.
My DH's baggage OTOH is overwhelming. Two asshole kids. One is a gay pervert and the other in a mouthy, obese jerk. But as many have mentioned above, worse than all that is the greedy, entitled, selfish, lazy horsefaced BM. I hate her like I've never hated another human being.
Some days the pain from being put last and people making sure you know that you "are not their family," the disrespect is too damn much.
We are in marriage counseling right now and he is learning to set boundaries, but after 7 years it may be too little too late.
The counselor told my H that I need to come first and foremost. Even above his kids. My H seemed to finally get it, but I'm not "in love" with him anymore because of the years of built up resentment.
I feel ya OP. (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))
I feel so alone in all this,
I feel so alone in all this, no one understands. People have the mind set well it's his kids mother and he should take her call, and I am not opposed to it totally. I believe there is a place and time. I feel after 9pm during the week and weekends that are not ours with the kids there is no reason to call unless god forbid one of them is seriosly injured or sick. I tried to comprimise, and say send it to VM listen to the message if it is something that requires your attention ASAP then by all means go ahead, BUT if it some stupid bullshit, like someone sneezed or stubbed a toe, or lost an eyelash, there is no need for it. Even stomach bugs or fevers, what is he going to do NOTHING. Lets enjoy our evening and you can call tomorrow. His thinking is to answer it, take the time to talk to her and then be done if it is not important, problem with that is once he answers the phone once she will NOT stop calling, and it ruins our whole weekend, becuase instead of enjoying our night out, we are dealing with whatever is it she thinks is urgent. THis week it was her speptic tank, 1) she lives with GMA so it is not like it is their house or was their house, 2) he does not repair speptic tanks for a living, and 3) it is not our weekend and if it was that bad, she has a mother she could take her kids and spend the night, which she did not! I think she was trying to get SO to come get the kids, but never flat out asked. It was more like do I still have the control and by him offering she knows she does and I know they are out so let me annoy them with BS!! This happens alot it was not a 1 time thing!
While it may not be right, I
While it may not be right, I can understand what drove you there. OHHH the thought of being on a date with a man without interuptions that are bogas and BS. Having a man pay attention to you and not dropping the second the phone rings because one of the kids eyelashes fell out. The feeling of every once in a while wanting your man all to yourself and have all his attentions YUP may not make it right but I see why anyone of us would do it!
THANK YOU!!! He should have
THANK YOU!!! He should have NEVER answered it!! But thank you, because it wasn't the last call that night!!
I feel for you!!! I went
I feel for you!!! I went through this for at least the first 18 months and we argued hard about this.
I finally told DH that if he wanted to be "friends" with his EX and be at her beck and call day and night he shouldn't have never gotten a divorce and just lived together. If that is how he wanted it I was leaving! I was sick of it!
He finally started not answering her calls and just letting it go to voice mail/answering machine. We agreed that if it was an EMERGENCY involving SS (not BM) he would call her right back. If not it could wait until every evening after dinner then he would return her calls (only about SS). If it wasn't about SS she did not get a return call. BM hated this and threw a few fits about it but in the end it helped our marriage tremendously! I actually got the idea for this plan on ST!
When DH started following through with this plan I knew he was serious about US and the rest would take some time and patience but it would work!
BTW, not once during the 18
BTW, not once during the 18 months or so she was blowing up DH's phone was it ever an emergency.
Yes, I know exactly how you
Yes, I know exactly how you feel. {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}
I struggled so many years with the life of a stepmother, and I can remember so many times crying until I couldn't cry another tear, just wanted to disappear from my life. Too tired to make the effort to leave and start anew. Just crumpled in a heap. I knew I wouldn't do anything as drastic as taking my own life, but I wished there was some magical way to "poof" out of the one I'd found myself in. "Another one of my failures" I thought.
I didn't have StepTalk back during the darkest days-- there was no such thing. I hadn't read Stepmonster, which I think is the most invaluable book for both stepmothers and their husbands. I thought everything that was wrong was MY fault, and that I was the defective one. In a way, that ignorance and fear is what kept me in the marriage and kept me there until it DID get better and both DH and I saw and understood what was going on with PAS.
If you and your SO can get on the same page, you can make it work. I am SO happy that I stayed, even though my reason for staying was pure fear and exhaustion.
You're much more equipped to learn to successfully deal with your skids, and if you can get your SO to read Stepmonster you'll be surprised at the quick improvement in your life.