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My First Blog

just tired's picture

I've recently found this site and am so grateful that I've found it. I find comfort in knowing that I'm not the only person going thru the awfullness of being a SM.

My story is much the same as many here, maybe a few details different...and the names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.

I spent 27 yrs married to my xH, and raised his daughter. SD31 and I have known each other almost all her life, she calls me "mom" and we have a great relationship. Her teen years were tough, but even though she was rebellious she & I never stopped loving each other. XH & I divorced and I've remarried DH, who has a bat-shit crazy ex (nicknamed Medusa), and 24-yo and 14-yo daughters, who are replicas of their BM.

The reason I mention all this is that I mistakenly thought that being a SM to SD31 would have prepared me for these 2 SDs. No....not even remotely. They follow the typical mold of other skids on this site. They love, protect, enable and are loyal to BM, and they treat DH the same way they watched their BM treat their shit on their shoes. Treat him any way you want, and he'll just keep taking it. Manipulate him into what you want from him, and he'll comply. Talk to him any way you want, b/c he'll never call you on it. Argue with him IF he speaks up, b/c he'll back right down. So, to be fair, they've been taught by the master manipulator....and they've learned the lessons well. They are good little soldiers in their mother's Army of Hate.

So, along comes Just Tired and DH starts growing balls. He began to see what life COULD be like and has begun standing up to all 3 of them and drawing boundaries. Of course, I am to blame for his non-compliant ways. I am the evil-doer. I am the one standing between the 3 of them and nirvana.

But wait. There's more. DH's 84-yo widowed mother lives with us, in an in-law apartment in the basement of our home. Now that I've spent time around this woman, I see that he married his mother when he married Medusa (BM). She has three gears: negative, passive-aggressive, and it's-all-about-me. I've never met a bigger narcissist. And as much as she hates DH's ex, my MIL is four-square in her granddaughters' corner. Poor widdle giwls....daddy is so mean to them....he doesn't do what they want anymore....poor widdle things.

I've truly reached the end of my rope with all FOUR of these bitches. I love DH with all my heart, and he & I are SO good together. Unfortunately, these females don't want to see him happy. They need him to be under their control. In a nutshell, that's where we're at. He continues to set boundaries and they piss all over them. But I will save that for another blog entry.

Just know that I feel at home here, and thank you all for any insight, humor, or anything you provide.

Just Tired


just tired's picture

DH does not like being treated this way. He was married for 30 years to a bitch with boderline personality disorder (BPD), and living with that particular form of mental issue makes a person question reality. BPDs have a way of making others question themselves. DH is still dealing with learning reality from the alternate reality she continues to try to force onto him. And his awesome daughters do the same shit to him, b/c they learned that behavior from their awesome mom (that's what they call her).

So, no...he doesn't like being treated this way. He's still trying to get his legs under him from the abuse he lived with for 30 years.

Of course, now that he stands up to them....that's ALL my fault. I'm the bitch that is preventing them from getting their way all the time.

Man....I am truly a bitch...and I'm okay with that.

dontcallmestepmom's picture

I love the way you write! You and I are in similar situations with our nasty steps. I am lucky, though, that my FMIL is pretty cool and has FINALLY seen FDH's kids, her grands, for who they truly are. A year ago, she was defending them, now she has seen the light, and makes no more excuses. She still thinks they can be "fixed," though. Sigh.

"Good little soldiers....."....loved that line! THAT IS EXACTLY what I am dealing with here. All 3 of FDH's young adults (19, 20, 23) are replicas of BM, and they get worse by the minute. I am also the one to blame, in their eyes, especially since FDH stopped the cash flow last year. They were bankrupting him and acting like complete asses (one faked being suicidal).

Our wedding is a month away. They are not invited, and know nothing about it at all. Truth be told, they scare me at times, b/c they are so callous and cold. I do not know how they came from FDH, as he is the extreme opposite.

I feel for you, as I can really, truly, see what you are dealing with here. My FDH is nothing but shit on his kids' shoes, and he was supposed to exist only to make them happy. It hurts to see that, but we are lucky our men woke up. Mine is still a little sleepy, but he is so much better than before. He suffers from misplaced guilt and the feeling they will change into nice humans some day....any of that sound familiar?

just tired's picture

dontcallmestepmom - OMG, your wedding sounds so familiar. When DH & I married we told only his mother and our very close friends, no one else. We went out of town to marry and only told his 2 daughters after the fact. We knew if we'd told them before the wedding that they'd want to be involved and would only bring drama & chaos. It was OUR moment, OUR dady and we didn't want any one spoiling it.

Of course, we were only permitted 48 hours of wedded bliss before both his daughters pissed all over it. They created drama & chaos after the fact. "Why couldn't you wait to get married until WE got comfortable with the idea???? What about us?????"

He responded by saying to both of them, "Hello????? You were saw me sleeping on the sofa in the living room for 3 years before your mother & I separated. You saw & heard all the fighting. And we've been separated and/or divorced for more than 2 years. Just exactly how long am I supposed to wait before I get to be happy??? How long am I supposed to wait until the 2 of you 'get comfortable with' things????"

And yes, my DH holds out hope that his daughters will one day awake from the toxic spell their mother has cast on them. I've tried to explain to him that shit only happens in fairy tales, but he is still hopeful.

bi's picture

fdh and i have discussed going to vegas for a weekend and getting married there, not telling anyone until it's done. the way his sm and sd19 have acted over me being pregnant and them not being told first among other ignorant things, there is no way i'm interested in having a wedding where i will have to see their annoying faces on MY day. and just like when i got pregnant, i'm sure sd will say the same thing she did then: "this is happening so fast, it hit me like a freight train!" really, dumb bitch? how did me getting pregnant "happen so fast"? we already had a son together and had been together over 4 years when i got pregnant the 2nd time (lost the baby). but yeah, it "happened so fast". (eye roll). we'll have been together 8 years in december, but i'm sure getting married will be too fast for her, too.

i think what that actually means is that SHE doesn't want any of this happening and wants us to feel guilty about it. she got pregnant at barely a year with her bf. but that's ok. she's a teenager and in college, but that's ok. it was just a problem when it was 2 grown adults who had been together for several years.