SD
My DHs daughter only texts or calls when she wants money or a ride. We live about 30-45 minutes away from my SD who is 13. DH will text her every day when he wakes up around 2pm (he works 3rd shift). He’ll ask how her day was and it will take her 2+ hours to text him back with 1 word responses like “good” , “fine” , “idk” etc. But as soon as she needs money or a ride she replies almost instantly. I know his obligation is to take care of her, but this is getting ridiculous.
If you read my 2 past blogs, you’ll get more of the backstory. I have been keeping my opinions to myself because it is not my place. But this girl was bragging about getting detentions and almost getting caught with marijuana in school. She’s in detention at least once a week. She went to a mental facility about 3-4 weeks ago for cutting herself, but only stayed 4 days. She would put on social media that she was cutting. I personally believe it was all for the attention. Sadly, she is becoming the spitting image of her mother more each day.
I just don’t want my DH to be used, I don’t know if I should say something or wait to see how this goes.
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I just read your other two
I just read your other two posts and I think you DH could use some counseling to help him deal with this hot mess he is in the middle of. Having this all start at the tender age of 14 is a legacy that is coming back to haunt him and your family in a most difficult way. There is nature vs nurture in play here and I would hazard a guess that BM's metal issues are showing up in SD. I bet if he asked Grandma about family history, she would tell you about other people in the family that had issues.
I think he needs to get with Grandma and come up with a plan to put some structure in eveyone's life so SD can't cause havoc like her mother does. Its not just DH that she's messing with, its everyone and for SD to realize she has the power to do that can be seductive for her. DH needs to put limits on how much time he can devote to SD so he can still be a parent and husband to the family he created with you. He sounds pulled in many directions and if he cannot put limits on himself, he will self destruct. This is a mental game for him, finding balance.
I don't believe that the decisions made at 14 need to rule the life of an adult. Its a shame it happened but it did. It doesn't sound like it all turned out like eveyone hoped and its a hot mess now. All he can do now is the best he can for all involved and realize that if SD has a mental illness, she will probably not be a major part of your family, The goal is for her to get the best care available and reevalute at 18.
I also saw him getting beat up on the other posts and thought that very unfair. I went to high chool with a couple of girls that got pregnant at that young age and saw the decsions made then and have found out how they played out 30 years later, Mental illness in one situation and a lot of bitterness from it all. No one knows how it will all play out in the future, you just make the best decisions at the time.
So to answer your question, I think you can ask him about how much he wants the drama to impact your life and how much money he plans to throw at this, stuff that affects your family time and money. His guilt is another thing he might need an outsider to help with that. Keep your kids safe, that's your job.
If he pays Child Support,
If he pays Child Support, then he's not obligated to give her money whenever she calls. And frankly, if he wants to help her, paying child support is better than giving a 13-year-old spending money. I can see he might feel guilt about the whole situation, but enabling her to use him for money won't help.
Thank you both for your
Thank you both for your responses. That is a major issue I’m having is with her using him and not really wanting any involvement in his life. If she would try to carry a conversation with him or reply back a little faster, the occasional question for money wouldn’t be an issue, but that’s the only time she gets in touch with him or holds a conversation. I guess her grandmother is getting her on some medication to help with depression and anxiety along with therapy. I just don’t want my DH to self destruct because of all the stress.