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SD, BM and Facebook

Jsmom's picture

Now that we have no contact with SD15 all DH has is Facebook. Well the child that BM wanted to have so she could take care of her, since all we did was micromanage her, she is now asking her to come home on Facebook. She actually put on Facebook that she needed to come home. Funny remark was "Mom I am in the house". Her friends all laughed about it. But, really you have no clue where your child is? DH told SS13 about it and they laughed and made fun of BM that she has no clue. My comment is great parenting...

What frustrated me more was that DH waited to tell SS13 about this when he was in our room before bed that night. He was with him all evening at Karate and couldn't mention it on the drive back. Has to wait until I am around to tell me. And then we wonder why I get so angry about BM.

We are trying to no longer discuss her and SD15 since the case is settled and we only have to do the EOWE with BM until July when SS turns 14. Hard to do when we still see her car in the neighborhood since one of SD15 friends lives down the street and she lives in the next subdivision. But, I am trying....

SS seems to be som much happier the last few weeks. His personality is evolving. The conversations are no longer about BM and SD and more about school and friends at school. He always had his guard up with me, but now seems to be more open with me. I think he had loyalty issues with BM. Since he no longer wants her in his life, it is okay to be with me. I am not trying to be his mom, but I have definitely re-engaged. I am not looking on him as a burden, but a part of my family. He still has anti-social tendencies, but they are getting better. Baby steps. I am worried about the cruise with him and all of my family. He can be standoffish with my nephews and nieces, but DH has promised to make him try to be friendly and hang with him on the cruise so I can enjoy my family.

The house is more relaxed but, I am still having a hard time letting go of everything BM did, but I am tired of her having space in my head and my life. She and SD are not worth it. I feel bad that DH doesn't see his daughter. But, it is not my doing, it is her mom's. She can't see past her own anger to encourage SD15 to have a relationship with DH. She is just pure evil. She doesn't deserve to be a parent.

SS13 goes to BM tomorrow at 6:00 PM. We will not take him since she is always late and we dont want him there any longer than necessary. She can come get him. But, DH is at her house at 6:00 PM sharp on Sunday. Last week was the first weekend of this and SS came flying out at exactly 6:00 PM. He was done...He told me before he left that he knew I would worry about him all weekend. He forgot his phone so I couldn't text him. Even though we reminded him to take it. Frustrating kid. I intend to make sure he takes it so I can at least text him to check on him.

Last weekend we were out with SS at a Sushi restaurant and his best friend. They kept going on and on about how BM has no food and his friend no longer will stay over there. SS said this week he was going to take food from our house so he had something to eat. I used to think a lot of it was exaggeration by SS, but his friend went on and on that she made dinner one time for them at 10:30 at night and he couldn't believe no one cared if they ate dinner. SS has been telling us this stuff just recently. We didn't know any of this. Nothing we can do according to the lawyers. As long as they are not being harmed to the point we can prove it, we can't do anything. If we had gone to court I am sure they would have no visitation since SS13 doesn't want it. But, we settled. I just wish we hadn't so this kid would not have to go over there anymore. He is counting down the visits now. DH thinks that is why he is coming to peace with this. He knows it is only 9 more months...Seems like such a long time. In the meantime, I am forcing DH to do something just with me on those weekends so that he is in the habit. We always did before and just left BS16 home or out with his friends. But, DH has this thing about not for SS. Not anymore, if we have him full time, he can spend time at friends house or be home alone just like we did with BS16.

Comments

Jsmom's picture

Yep! And honestly I used to stop it, but I can't anymore. She actually deserves it. I don't do it. I won't bad mouth her, but I will not cover for her anymore either.

Oi Vey's picture

If any parent ever deserved to be PAS'd, it would be my XH. I have been careful to not bad mouth him to our children. I don't think PAS is ever "deserved." IMO

SKAYE's picture

I have a SS that is 13. I have been married for 2 years. My husband and his ex have joint custody. If he does not want to come over the parents don't make him. I guess the relationship between my husband and the ex are ok, they do fight about the kids and she is a neglective mother ....sounds a lot like your BM... but if the 13 year old chooses not to come to the house my husband doesn't feel like he can force him to do so. He feels that he is at the age to make his own decisions, although I don't agree since they do have joint custoday and this is a more stable home for him. More rules, supervision, etc.
Not feeding a child, is that not neglect...

Jsmom's picture

I will no longer do any of this for BM and I will check up on him. He is in a situation over there that is horrible. His sister beats him up and they have now brought back the SD to live with them. He spends the whole time hiding out in his room. She neglects him. There is nothing wrong with checking on a child. Yes not feeding a child is neglect.

I wish we could say you don't have to go, but unfortunately this is what the judge agreed to until he is 14. I don't get it, on one hand we want us to embrace these kids as our own if they need it, but the minute I do, I am admonished for caring about him.

Last time he was there he called us crying because BM was yelling at him about his decision to not go over there anymore. All we can do is tell him it was just a few more hours and Daddy would get him and he didn't have to go for two weeks. That was horrible. So yes, I worry and yes he knows that...

Honestly there is nothing wrong with checking on him via text. BM is not involved and doesn't need to know anything about it. He deletes everything he says...

I get that DH should not bad mouth BM, but she has made it very difficult not to. She has told everyone who will listen that I beat my SD and I never touched that kid. She has lied and lied through this whole process. I have a hard time not saying anything bad. I am sure when he leaves this afternoon he will get hugs and told it is only two days and we love him. Sorry but it is the truth...

smileygirl's picture

I am very happy to hear that SS is adjusting well and that you have been able to re-engage yourself. I'm hoping for this myself soon. Best of luck with a difficult situation.