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I truly don't care anymore if he wears a coat....They broke me...

Jsmom's picture

Every year, same thing with my SS16 and it used to be with my SD18. I don't need a coat. Well it is 26 degrees here in Atlanta this morning and he is wearing the same sweatshirt he always wears. He has 20 sweatshirts and wears the same one that looks like he is pauper, an expensive one (Abercrombie), but it still looks like hell.

I told DH last weekend he needed a new heavier coat. He outgrew his other one and I gave it away. His answer, he will be fine, we will do it next week. This kid has been battling a cough that has finally been cleared up and no one cares he is just wearing a sweatshirt. We have to get him some new dress pants for our vacation and he will just wait and do it at the same time. There are heavier options in his closet, hand me downs from my kid. He just wants to wear the ugly sweatshirt.

I realized today, I can not care anymore. His kid, his problem. I flashback to my SD screaming at me to wear flip flops in November before she moved out and just decide this is not my problem. My kid is fine at college and I have made sure he had all his warm clothes last week, because he asked for them and has the good sense to wear them.

Repeat after me, not my problem. Not my problem....I just get to listen to him cough....

Comments

Ljcapp1's picture

My kid will not wear his coat and it was 9 degrees yesterday morning. I guess it's 'more cool' to freeze to death than to take a coat. :?

momof3smof2's picture

Ummm, he's 16. More than able to know his comfort level. 26 was near our high last week and I never wore a coat. Neither did either of my teens or my teenage SS. My younger child did. Teenage SD did. Hubby did.

Jsmom's picture

What kills me is I know other parents are just thinking, can't they afford a jacket???? Did I mention, I live in Stepford and judgement is what the moms do. I am a work in progress in not caring. It seriously is a struggle. But, I haven't said a word since our conversation on it.

I get he is 16, but he is not like other 16 year olds. Kind of immature and a geek, so I hate the thought of him being picked on for anything and I just know the older kids have to be laughing at him. He is the type of kid that doesn't care. Kind of sad.

Elizabeth's picture

I feel this is an important step toward independence and autonomy, letting the kids figure things like this out themselves. My BD is 11 and she wore a jacket (not a coat) to school on a below-freezing day. I explained, "You do realize that it's only supposed to be 32 degrees today when you get off the bus and walk home. I suggest you wear your coat, rather than that jacket." She chose to ignore my advice. That night she told me, "Boy mom, I was cold walking home." She has worn a coat since.

SD was the same way, would never wear more than a hoodie no matter how cold it was. Not my kid, not my problem.

Tuff Noogies's picture

they all wear shorts and hoodies all winter long.

thankfully they're all old enough i dont care. }:)

i used to pull my hat and scarf off as a kid, as soon as i was out of eyesight. i never died from it. they'll figure it out on their own, they're 11-16, not little-little kids.

mommy0104's picture

I'm on the same page here with most of these answers! My bio-son is 13 and about 2 years ago when he started jr high (our jr high is 6th-8th grade) he stopped wanting to wear a traditional winter coat...then when I asked why he said kids got made fun of for wearing coats and i was like WTF..anyways, once, while my DH was dropping him off at school he noticed that of all the kids walking into the school maybe 2 or 3 were wearing coats..the rest..you guessed it..wearing hoodies! Whether we like it or not, hoodies are the in thing now and they're taking the place of nice warm coats..i guess to teenagers fashion is more important than health Smile

Jsmom's picture

I appreciate the reality check ladies...You have no idea how much. You ladies are the reason, disengaging is working so well for me.

I never had this issue with BS19, we lived in the North and he loved coats, so it was the opposite, I had to stop him from getting me to buy him jackets. Taking his warm clothes to him last week, I realized the kid has about 20 coats. Some are his late dad's that we kept for sentimental reasons, but the rest are all ones he as acquired. Such polar opposites.

mommy0104's picture

It's hard for me to even force my son to wear a coat because even my DH doesn't wear a coat and he works outside all day lol..he just wears a thick hoody..men and their hoodies lol..sometimes I think it has to do with age and even gender..my 9 year old son loves coats because he loves being warm..lol but my 13 year old son doesn't think it's "cool" to wear a coat..and both my skids, who are both girls (which is why i say gender may play a part..although that's not a fact..just my opinion lol) and they both own a few coats that they wear a lot. They like all the different cute coats that are out there for girls.

Jsmom's picture

I know, but when I say, you may not have a cough if you dressed warmer, I get the cold doesn't give you a cold speech from Steps and DH. So I give. I am not playing this game anymore. I love coats, so he can freeze, I will be warm. I am just not taking anytime off of work to take your kid to the doctor.

kathc's picture

when this happens you should just punch your DH in the throat and say, "But punching you in the throat WILL leave a bruise" and walk away.

kathc's picture

I used to go with not my problem. Sometimes I still do. Depends on the mood I'm in that day, honestly. And also if we're talking, "It's a blizzard" or "It's a little chilly" When I feel like engaging, I just give the "are you an idiot?" look and say "go put on X NOW" and refuse to allow any "debate" on the matter. Apparently my "I don't give a fuck and you WILL do what you're told face" is getting better because usually that's all it takes and appropriate clothing is changed into.

Although I do have to admit, I have in the past sunk to saying "I don't care if your mother (sneered with much sarcasm) wants to let you freeze to death, you're not doing it on my shift because I actually give a shit about your well being!"

Jsmom's picture

Did that and it was brought up in court documents that I harass SD18. They actually brought up the flip flops in November. Made me question my judgement. But, no I am still right, no flip flops in November when their is snow on the ground.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

We've had 20 degree weather and snow here in NY. SS15 refuses to wear a coat. It's "too restrictive." Whatever. He stands at the bus stop shaking and chattering. If he's okay with that, so am I. But if he gets sick, he gets zero sympathy.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

We've had 20 degree weather and snow here in NY. SS15 refuses to wear a coat. It's "too restrictive." Whatever. He stands at the bus stop shaking and chattering. If he's okay with that, so am I. But if he gets sick, he gets zero sympathy.