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Husband mad!!!

Jsmom's picture

My DH came home tonight so mad at my Skids new SD. He went to drop them off after they were here for Hannukah tonight. We get them for an hour at sundown during Hannukah. Well he had taken Friday this week off since the kids have no school to take everyone to the new Avatar movie. We have to drive an hour away to see it in 3D. He is so excited to go. Me not so much, but if it makes everyone happy great. Well he told them in the car on the way home that he was taking them. SS11 told him he can't go because he mad a promise to his new SD that he wouldn't let his Dad take him, he wanted to. He is livid and pacing. Not good for the BM.

I think the new SDad shouldn't have put the child in this position. I told him he needs to call his Ex-wife and tell her that he needs to tell the SS11 that his Dad is taking him. That puts it back on the SDAD and doesn't make his Dad the bad guy. They have only been married a month. This could set up a precedent and be a bigger problem down the road.

The kids tell my DH all the time that the Sdad is so much fun. We get that a lot because.

He is calling the BM and since he is angry he decided to ask for an hour on Christmas morning so I can give the kids the Christmas presents and their stockings. Technically she gets Christmas. He is so mad at this point she may just give in.

Comments

Angel37's picture

I agree that the stepdad should never have put your SS in that position. Your husband has every right to be angry and I hope Mom will listen to reason.

“Every truth has two sides; it is as well to look at both, before we commit ourselves to either”~Aesop

StarKnight's picture

woww I have to agree completly. I can understand trhat step dad is just tring to do something fun with the boy, but to make him promise he would not see it with his own dad is a very big problem. I hope your husband feels better soon about the situation and they can talk it out and make sure it dose not happen again.

Storm76's picture

The easiest way is to turn it back on BM - 'how would you feel if the kids refused to do something with you because they'd promised Jsmom they'd do it with her & not you?' Add into the mix that as they presumably live with BM the SDad gets to see them more than your DH it must be horrible for him. As SMs we get told about our boundaries all the time, it sounds like SDad needs to learn about them too!

Angel72's picture

We got that alot from my skids and didnt do anything with them...couldnt..bm wouldnt listen and didn't care. Her plans always went first and the kids listen for fear...My dh was heartbroken so many times that i told him enough. Never tell them in advance what we are doing cause she sabatages it, and if the see it twice, oh well....
SD maybe didn't realize that your dh wanted to first. Kids are not great at communication. Your dh should call and tell his ex that he had planned it and he doesn't understand why his son made that promise. ...
i honeslty think its also a way a child thinks. The promise thing..mm...very hard to honestly know.
I would be mad too. Andif SDad honestly did that, he is overstepping and they need to have a man to man talk about it too. That the son should never be made promises and choose between either of them.

Jsmom's picture

Well the situation was resolved. DH called his ex wife and she was genuinely shocked that her husband had said that. We are sure he did, since the wording was not that of our SS. I am sure she is talking it over with her DH. She told my DH that she was sorry and that he should definitely take his kids to the movie first. She handled it well. My husband was fuming all evening, he is sure that this is going to be a problem. This guy has two daughters that are extremely screwed up, so much that DH had to go and make sure in mediation that they do not reside in the house with his kids. I think that the guy was excited to have a son. A good kid. He will just need to learn to understand his bounds like I have.
I did use myself as an example for DH that I knew not to take SD13 to do any firsts. It had to be things that she had already done with her mom. I would love to have heard that conversation.
It is nice that they are on the same page with this. I just wish they were on the same page with parenting issues.

Sara_Smile22's picture

Was SD aware that DH was making those arrangements? It sounds like it COULD have been an innocent mistake on SD's part...sorry if I am missing history. I think the step sometimes gets overzealous in trying to make the kids like or love them that they overstep boundaries but it's not malintent. Is there benefit of the doubt that needs to happen?

Jsmom's picture

Not really - It just sounds like he misspoke in telling SS to promise not to go with his Dad. He hasn't been a step for long and really didn't realize how that sounded. My DH was going to surprise the kids with doing it on Friday when normally he would be working. They knew he planned on going to the movie, they just didn't know when. Also that it is in 3D and my DH really gets into that.

A step should not put a child in between. I don't think he realized it. My hope is that the BM explained that to him.

stepmom2one's picture

SF is overstepping here. We have had this happen a few times, but my H just whines and cries to me about it. He refuses to call, so propps to your DH for standing up for himself.