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Email to SIL from BM....cont...

Jsmom's picture

Below is an excerpt from a 4 page email to my SIL from the BM after our lawyer called her and told her we would be going for custody of both kids. Long story short...SD15 sued us to live with BM in April 2010. She left. Here is her version of what took place and led her to let SD do this. If you believe everything she has written I make Joan Crawford look like MOTY. Everything here is exagerated and taken out of context. I can't attach the whole email, because it is too long and disupting it all would take the entire day.

When SD15 asked to live with me full-time, it was not an easy decision for me to agree to. It was difficult for me to listen to SD15 crying to me (when they allowed her to have her phone) because her and KJSMOM were fighting and DH wouldn't listen to SD15 about it. Often times, JSMOM would call SD15 names like "Slut and Bitch", and DH would allow it. SD15 was constantly picking fights with SD15 over things like: putting the serving spoon on the wrong side of the plate, accidently serving JSMOM unsweet tea instead of sweet tea, the clothes that she wore, her friends, the way she wore her hair, if she didn't say hello to her when she walked in the house from school, if she texted while watching tv, if she was in the kitchen with her while she was cooking, she wasn't allowed into her office ever (even when JSMOM was in the office), SD15 Dog peeing in her office... These are just things that I remember SD15 telling me about, she could tell you more. Every other Monday night, both kids were interrogated about what went on at my house the week before. The kids would go hide in their rooms after dinner to get away from it. Also, SD15 was reminded on several occassions by JSMOM how she would not be invited to Peru or on the Disney cruise ship if she chose to live with me. JSMOM, the adult in the situation, was very hateful towards her, yet SD15 and I (who was trying to make excuses for her and DH to SD15) were always the ones to blame for SD15 bad attitude towards JSMOM.

This is just one paragraph in a diatribe that maligns me. To dispute a few: Never called her a name, told her one time in front of her dad if she wore a shirt that she borrowed from a friend that she would look like a slut. He agreed and said she couldn't wear it. She did anyway. My office is where I run a company from and no one is allowed in here. I have thousands of dollars of equipment in here. It was a room that they never used, that I paid to have french doors put on. I gave up a house to move in here and my office was the one place I could be. She would come in and look at Youtube videos on my computer and lock it up. She and everyone was banned, including DH. My database is worth over 10K and not worth her wrecking it. I would ask her to leave the kitchen when I was cooking sometimes, if she couldn't stop talking and it was distracting me from getting dinner on the table. The child never stopped talking...Peru and Disney cruise are outright lies. My mom only offered to take the whole family on the cruise in March of this year. She left in May of 2010. Peru was only 6 months ago because DH's brother eloped with a peruivian girl and we were planning on going. There never was any conversation with this child about any of this. Hiding in their rooms, I re-decorated all of their rooms and made DH by them TVs so escaping to their rooms was what they did because it was a nice place to hang out. Tea - I only drink un sweet, we do not even have Sweet in the house. The spoons was actually a fork. Her one job was to set the table for dinner. She would give everyone salad forks. Five times she did this before I finally looked at her and asked if she had a learning disability. Why can't she tell one from the other. The smirk on her face said it all, she had been waiting for me to blow and I did.

The dog was her dog and it was her job to take him out. She never did and would get yelled at when this would happen, by Dad...

The 9 months that we were in this house with her, from the day I moved in before the wedding until the day she left were the hardest of my life. When she left the building you could feel the tension leave. Everyone got calmer. This BM has told anyone who would listen that I hit her daughter. I never raised a hand to her. I barely screamed at her. I was screaming at DH and telling him to deal with both of his kids. In that wntire time, I grounded her once from Facebook when she called me a bitch. That is it. I gave it my best and for the first time failed miserably at parenting. I truly believed if I loved the child this could work. I was wrong and I have been beaten down continually for it. It has changed the dynamics of what could have been a great marriage. Friends do not understand why my SD hates us. I have been at countless charity events and had her name come up and I have to walk away because it is so upsetting to hear other peoples views on her.

If I am so evil why does SS13 want to live here full time? He wants a real family. One that sits down to dinner every night and sets rules and guidelines for him like taking a shower every night. Buys him clothes when his are too small. Notices that he needs a haircut. At BM's house he says he is last to talk and she forgets to make dinner, let alone really cook. Asked him last week if she said anything about his haircut. Drastic cut...He said she never notices me. It is awful to hear and listen to. But, yet I am so maligned and there is nothing I get to do.


the_stepmonster's picture

Hopefully your SIL recognizes these are outright lies and exaggerations. I think alot of this is a mixture between lies SD15 is telling her mother and her mother blowing it out of proportion. Based on your POV (and honestly even some of hers) it appears you are just disciplining her as a normal parent would discipline any child. IMO SD15 is at an age where she is trying to figure out which house has the least amount of rules that will let her get away with being a brat.

Do you know what purpose BM had in sending this email to SIL?

Jsmom's picture

Yes - Long Story....BM sent SD15 to CA (previous blogs....lots of them) to visit with DH's family. While there SD15 decided to brag about drinking and running over street signs and beating mailboxes with a bat. SIL called DH and DH called Lawyer. Decided to sue for SD15 along with the pending issue of SS13. Our Lawyer calls her lawyer and informs her of all of this. BM goes off on a very long email to SIL. DH steps in and tells her to stay away from his family. SIL stays out of this mess, finally now seeing what is going on. Lots of blogs on this. SIL and I have no relationship now because of this. Also in the midst of this DH calls MIL to wish her a Happy Birthday and being the Bi-polar nut that she is tells him to leave SD15 alone and that she is a good girl. He hangs up on her when she won't listen. Then BM's DH sends email to DH threatening him (previous post) and now we wait for our lawyer to respond to BM's lawyers claims that everything is fine and she is not going to let SD15 go.

All sorts of crazy here....