Christmas party
I had hoped to evade any big Christmas get togethers, like we did in the covid years. In those years, we saw the in-town family a little at a time and I mailed the gift cash to the others. Best of all, little Christmas drama from SD61.
But, she called yesterday and is planning to have Christmas at her small 2-bedroom unit. She's been estranged from her daughter, M, but supposedly, M urged her to have it the 23rd and specifically asked if we'd be there. In a way, its a good idea since it will let me give M and her brother their gifts. SD has expanded the guest list to include her other daughter and her kids, OSS and wife and SD and SIL and DS and DIL. I'm not sure if she's counted but that comes to 16 people. I dont even know if everybody could fit in her place.
I had such a feeling of dread as she talked about it. She has a huge fantasy menu in mind, I've heard in the past about dishes she was going to make for various events but its never happened. If this was just a situation where I could show up for a few hours on the 23rd, that would be okay. But, I just cant see her pulling this off without help, financial aid, tears, tantrums, pity parties and all the rest.
I'm much more stable, physically, emotionally and financially, than she is and it was overwhelming for me each year and I had a DH to help. I'm dreading next week when it all starts hitting the fan. Stay tuned.....
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Do you think the wider family
Do you think the wider family will even accept her invitation? By now, most people I know already have their holiday plans in place.
If she taps you for help, maybe give her a set amount for food but say you haven't been well and aren't able to do more? Don't let her steal your joy.
I'm hoping
I'm hoping OSS, DD and DS all have the sense to decline. In the past, we've given the person who hosted financial help for food cost. I swore I wouldn't do it anymore but that might be the best path this year. You're right, maybe I'll get too "sick" to do more. Lol.
Yeah, it's funny how I've
Yeah, it's funny how I've been getting so many "migraines" lately.
Do you think this could be a
Do you think this could be a potential money grab for SD61 which is why she's suggesting it? Once she gets the money suddenly the whole thing will be cancelled and she will go radio silent about returning the money.
Definite possibility
Surprisingly, she hasn't asked for her Chms $ early as usual. She told DH she was okay (he offered). I hate to have such negative thoughts but I'm wondering, is she dealing? Or what is she selling?
That sounds like a nightmare,
That sounds like a nightmare, and yeah I will place my bet now that this party never comes to fruition or she calls you at zero hour begging to have it at your house and can you supply the food. I don’t envy you these next two weeks.
Yes, I think this will happen
I forsee a big, dramatic collapse next week and a last minute change of venue to our house. Ugh. This type of thing is why December is always so tough for me.
We currently have house guests, DS and DIL, as they move here so I already have a more complex situation than usual. I have my mom99 in long term with dementia requiring twice weekly visits and shopping. My DH85 has prostate cancer and oncoming dementia. At our age, I vainly hoped we'd be off the hook for entertaining by now. Sigh...
Do not entertain! If it falls
Do not entertain! If it falls through, go to a restaurant.
But Will It Happen?
Hasn't she made big plans in the past only to cancel?? Maybe that will happen. If not, take a deep breath, make the visit and get out asap. Fake illness. Schedule something. Anything. LOL
I'm so glad I still don't have to do holidays with DHs kids. I know it will probably happen again in the future...and like you, I'm in a better place, but I sure don't look forward to it.
Could you suggest that she
Could you suggest that she scale back her gathering due to the prevalence of respiratory illnesses at this time and her elderly father's health? It's probably still a disaster waiting to happen, but fewer people would be affected.
And I would just say no to a change in venue to your place. I'll bet SD61 could use to hear NO a bit more.
I'm going to praise her
If she or DH even hints at having it here, I'm going to pre-emptively loudly praise her for having it since we are TOO OLD and I'm so thankful shes having it cuz we are TOO OLD. Lol.
I would be pre-emptive with M
I would be pre-emptive with M who is the one pushing this for her mom.. to be very involved in helping her mother pull this off..
Yeah but it wont happen
Ideally, this would be the thing to do, pressure M to help her mom. But M lives about 50 miles away, is a full time teacher, has a 2yo and is 7 mos pregnant. M isnt thinking it thru, just sees it as a way to "do" her own bio family Christmas since her husband's family has elaborate 12/24 and 12/25 celebrations. Plus SD61 is radiantly happy to have a chance for reconciliation with M so wants to satisfy her. SD61 says she's been praying hard for this. Its sad, she just doesn't get it that her actions have turned off M big time, starting with, but not ending with, SD draining her college fund.
Oh Boy!
I soooooo hope that you are not roped into doing anything!
Ugh. I’m waiting for the shoes to drop here too.
DH of course is "contributing" to whoever hosts theirs. Despite his commitment to me to stop funding get togethers he doesn't attend. So I said when he told me he committed $ "ok so I guess you'll be going alone once again" since I refuse to attend anything bm is at, meaning every get together they have.
OK, here is your OUT!
COVID. People in small enclosed spaces are at a major risk for catching it. Neither you nor your DH can afford to risk that, can you?
The best format for 16 people
The best format for 16 people in a 2 bedroom apartment is an OPEN HOUSE. The hours are usually 4-6 hours during which people can drop in. It's much better than a set time. With that format, people can stay 4 hours or leave after 30 minutes. I'd make sure she's set up with some snacks and beverages, perhaps some decorations. This way, instead of holding 16 people hostage in a cramped space for 2 hours, she can hold court for 4-6 hours and, hopefully, enjoy more attention spread over a longer period. Can you tell I'm a huge fan of open houses at Christmas?
Open house
Yes, I agree with the open house format. She will be here tomorrow and I'll suggest. She spoke with DH today and since she gets her food benefit Friday, that apparently will pay for the food. She was running thru her fantasy menu again and I heard him say, "Dont drive yourself crazy".