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Late Night Thoughts/Conviction

Jordan3312's picture

So I'm doing my casual late-night Facebook scrolling when I see a post by someone I don't know. I'm one of those people that unless I've met you, I will not accept your friend request. So I clicked on the profile to figure out who it was. It turns out that it's SS's grandmother (BMs mom). I'm not sure when or how we became fb friends, but curiosity got the better of me and I started scrolling down her feed. She doesn't post much and everything she does post is about SS, but most of her stuff was from 4 years ago back when SS was just a baby. 

There were some videos. The more recent ones had SS in them and he was being the terror I know him to be. Yelling and screaming, throwing things, just being obnoxious. But the further down I scrolled, the smaller he got until I found myself watching videos of him saying his first words and learning to crawl. I saw pictures of him the day he came home from the hospital. He was so small. I got a lump in my throat and I felt like crying. I felt so ashamed and convicted for how I've thought of him and how cold I've been towards him. I know he's not that sweet innocent baby anymore and is now so spoiled and disrespectful, but it just struck a chord seeing SS as a baby and watching him struggling to crawl. Maybe it's the postpartum hormones. I just had my daughter a month ago and she's just a little thing like he was (well not that little. Shes only 6 weeks old and is already 10.5 lbs!)

Anyway, I've always looked at him as a nuisance who's standing in the way of me having the life I want with DH. I've never put myself in BM's shoes or even looked at this through a mother's perspective. I've also never thought about how SS never asked for any of this. He was born innocent and is now the way that he is because of the adults in his life. **sidenote--DH was not around during the time SS was a baby. DH didnt know SS was his until SS was 17 months old  bc/BM told him it was someone else's.

I don't think I have a point; this is just a vent session. But maybe I was supposed to see those pictures and videos. I've been praying about it a lot lately because I have felt so guilty for not liking SS. So maybe during his next visit in 2 weeks I'll be able to approach him a little more warmly. Maybe I'll start looking at him in a more human way instead of with resentment. Maybe. We'll see.


thinkthrice's picture

 that an infant with so much potential can be ruined so quickly by non-parenting/bad parenting.

I would use this thought provoking moment to reaffirm your commitment to properly parent YOUR DD no matter how tough nor the temptation to "let things slide" because it seems easier.

Chmmy's picture

Ive seen video of ss11 at 3 years old & everyone surrounded him while he acted obnoxious to get attention. They all laugh & laugh haha he's so cute....NOT. The video made me sick & dh gushing over the video made me sicker. These people ruin these kids.

My favorite video of him was at 7 telling his sister to "shut the f*** up you f***** weetard". They laugh & laugh. Weetard=retard. Not ok in my book to use that word, weetard, retard or f bombs at 7 years old. Maybe being a teacher makes me sensitive.

My point is it doesn't get better if they are not parented. Having dinner with this kid was like having dinner with Helen Keller until i started walking out of restaurants and insisting DH take me home and then everyone leaves and of course Im the bad guy. He learned real quick not to talk to the waitress with his obnoxious mouth, walk around the table touching peoples food and even slapped his sister across the face and of course hit his dad. BM taught them all its ok to hit daddy. He's awful at school because he won't shut up til he's the center of attention. 4th grade tracher tries to tell DH how distracting it is for everyone. He says ss11 is really funny always clowning but he needs to stop talking over the teacher, stop shouting out things at inappropriate times and stop saying inappropriate things to get a laugh. DH leaves conferences beaming "did you hear Mr D say ss is the funniest kid in class?"   NOPE, im a teacher I heard Mr D say your kid is obnoxious tell him to shut his smart mouth.

God save the world from the millions of feral children who are going to be adulting in 10-20 years or sooner.

thinkthrice's picture

or not...

As for Helen Keller, The Miracle Worker should be required viewing for all parents.