Possibly a competitive situation with the SD
I think I’m starting to notice some possible competition from teen SD and or possible mini wife thing going on. Little signs here and there have popped up before, but I just attributed it to issues with the BM. Now I’m starting to notice more because she’s at home with us more. Maybe she is just being overly helpful. Like with bio baby who is 1, sd will give drinks or food that haven't been approved yet (a concern because of unknown allergies). Today went to the doc SD sat right next to DH, and there were no other chairs close with the baby. I needed to sit next to him to fill out paperwork. Baby needed shots, instead of me being right there to comfort bio baby, SD blocked me out of the way and stood next to DH with bio baby while she was laying down. I've come downstairs, bio baby and DH and SD sitting on the couch, SD gets an attitude when I come down and goes back upstairs. I'll ask SD to hand me bio baby if baby is fussy and she's holding her, sometimes she'll ignore me. DH even mentioned one time just kidding around that what I had on would be too revealing for the young boys in the neighborhood they'll be looking and Sd said they'd probably be looking at her instead. DH said today that he caught some guys checking me out from behind, SD mentioned that she caught someone checking her out too. We let SD do some cooking like putting meat on the grill, which not a problem of course but now she wants to do all the seasoning too, which something I normally do.
Am I just being weird? I don't know, I feel like I sound ridiculous.
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I actually ignored it. If DH
I actually ignored it. If DH and SD were in the same room sitting close, I'd leave and find my own thing to do. Take my kids out. I'm pretty independent like that though. DH would get fed up sometimes because he's a bit needier than me. I guess it was really kind of like grey rocking her. Eventually SD just gave up, and she didn't care anymore.
She has absolutely no right
She has absolutely no right to literally block you from holding your child or tending to their needs. That needs nipping in the bud, ASAP.
I think it's probably time
I think it's probably time for me to create an actual dialogue about that. That's the first time it happened and I do not like it. I don't want it happening again, but I wasn't sure at the time if that's what was actually going on and wanted some input first.
Yeah, you need to be more
Yeah, you need to be more forceful when it comes to her being mini-mom to your baby. Obviously DH doesn't see it, or won't do anything if he does. Next time she doesn't come to the doctor with you and DH - insist on it. If she has to for some reason, she can wait in the waiting room. When she feeds your baby something you've told her not to, stop it immediately and tell her in no uncertain terms that it's unacceptable. Yes, she will pout and cry and blah blah, but you have to protect your child and your relationship with your child.
Your DH sounds like another one of these guilty/fearful fathers who won't set a limit on his daughter, but make it clear to him you will not tolerate her trying to take over as mother.
She's what? 14? 15? She
She's what? 14? 15? She certainly does not need to be in the doctor's surgery with you for your baby's visit. Either she stays at home or she sits in the waiting room.
I don't care whose daughter she is, YOU have the last word concerning your baby, their food, their activities, their care and their safety, not her.
I'm not sure if DH actually
She's 16. I'm not sure if DH actually notices it. He's quite aloof to her behavior a lot of times unless I bring it to his attention. I've definitely said to him once that he needs to talk with Sd and let her know she needs to ask before giving baby stuff. I'll have a more in depth discussion with him again. Although it'll probably lead him to shrug or dismiss what I'm saying because of course, I'm always exaggerating things. We'll see.
16?! Then she definitely had
16?! Then she definitely had no business there! There was no reason for her to be with you at all. Next time she stays home. Period.
As for your DH talking to her, that's all well and good but as the baby's mother you have every right to tell her not to do whatever it is she's doing that you don't like. If you were out at a park and a kid came up and did the same, would you be casting around looking for their parent to tell them to stop? No, of course you wouldn't! You'd tell them to knock it off right there and then! So do the same with your SD. "SD, kindly don't do that." See? It's easy. If she asks why "because I said so." Just be firm.
I agree. I think the reason
I agree. I think the reason why I haven't been more forceful, is because I know that BM left a lot of responsibility to SD taking care of her other siblings. BM has way too many kids to deal with, and SD is the oldest. I also think that's why she's over stepping a bit too, because this is my first child and she may think she knows more than me. I'm slowly but surely noticing this. I will let her know that the way your mom would do things, I don't do it that way. I understand her being sister but that doesn't make you second mom.
Then it's fair to say, "SD, I
Then it's fair to say, "SD, I know you've done a lot of child care in the past, but this is MY daughter and your father and I will make decisions about her care. Do not give her anything without asking me first."
Let her do everything and you
Let her do everything and you sit back and relax, put your feet up, let her season the meat, let her wait on her dad, let her go get the baby's diaper, hey in fact make her change the baby's poopy diaper, tell her she needs to wake up at night to get the baby's bottle- and make sure it's heated through evenly, next time she stands next to you tell her to go stand next to her father instead, give her what she wants. Don't compete with her.