DH and I have known each other for 10 years married for 3. I have BS14 and he has SD14. SD lives with BM. BM isn’t a neglectful parent but she does work a lot. I can say that I believe she loves SD and she takes good care of her. Because she works a lot SD14 in the beginning was left in the care of neighbors, as she got older BM thought she should be able to stay by herself sometimes overnight. The overnight thing isn’t something that DH agrees with (I really don’t care . . .I’m disengaged) and it is a point of contentiousness between he and BM. Here’s the thing DH has repeatedly told SD that if she is home alone she needs to call him and she can stay with us . . .she never calls. He blows a couple of gaskets, gets mad at BM and dotes on SD14. He can’t seem to understand that maybe SD likes being home alone.

She is an introvert, DH thinks she’s just shy . . .SD has one friend, she likes to spend time in her room with her door closed on the internet(24 hrs a day), she gets very crabby after spending any amount of time around other children and she can go days without speaking to anyone if the feeling so hits her (she’s gotten in trouble a couple of times at school for this one). She has a really stank attitude most of the time unless we are near a major holiday. Other habits . . .She will not eat unless he specifically calls her to a meal, she will not fix food for herself, she will not get up and get dressed in the mornings until he personally rouses her and then she moves like a snail. We also went through a little stint where she wasn’t showering until DH noticed (sometimes 3 days later). Once she got her period I reengaged for one afternoon.

I am of the opinion that SD14 is just lazy with a taste of introvert. At my house BS14 is the complete opposite. Maybe because I RAISED/AM RAISING him. The things above would be a no go for me. When I tried to help DH with SD I was accused of “you just don’t like my daughter”. I got so tired of him saying this to me I disengaged. It really wasn’t SD’s fault it was DH and his lack of parenting with BM. I take care of my BS14 and DH/BM take care of SD14 . . .not my kid not my problem . . .right.

Here’s the problem. Because of the stuff I mentioned up there DH is a very guilty daddy. He feels that he needs to really dote on SD14 and make sure she knows that he loves her and that he’s there for her. He has in turn closed off all affection towards me. Because of my disengagement I no longer get “I love you’s” , he no longer holds my hand, no special attention is ever paid to me. I am the woman that cooks his dinner, cleans the house and he sleeps with on occasion. I have to sit through he and SD on the phone declaring their love for each other but I can’t even get a kiss goodbye in the mornings . . .as a matter of fact he doesn’t even tell me he’s leaving anymore. He just ups and leaves the house. I guess he has disengaged from me.

If we go an extended period of time with SD not coming over everything goes back to normal . . . .I get my husband back. Once SD decides she wants to visit . . .we are back to being roommates. I’m tired of this roller coaster but most of all I’m disappointed in the man that I married. If I don’t kiss SD’s ass then I’m out of luck I guess. I feel like I got shafted and maybe he feels the same about me. What do you guys think?