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I tried and I’m done with trying already

Jmom's picture

Today I finally got up the nerve to ask DH about SD13’s behavior. This kid is the unhappiest kid on the face of this earth. He picks her up usually every weekend and we have her every major holiday (including mother’s day). BM claims she’s working.

She immediately goes to her room and shuts the door upon her arrival. My BS13 and I may get a hello but then we don’t see her again until the next day. She’s locked up in there playing with her electronics and watching TV. She comes out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and if we are going somewhere but other than that she doesn’t interact with any of us including DH. We go to the movies she walks 10 feet behind us. . .we go to a restaurant she sits at a different table . . we go grocery shopping she wanders off because she doesn’t want to be around us. When I address her in my home she pretends she doesn’t hear me (she also does this to him). She’s very anti-social and withdrawn. She sits around like a Zombie with a hoodie on 24 hours a day. When SD13 is visiting we walk on egg shells the entire time she’s there. DH nor BM have never to my knowledge tried to correct any of this behavior.

This behavior even trickled over into school . . .the teachers were tired of it and called DH and BM on the carpet about it. What was the solution: remove SD from public school and stick her in a small private school so she can get extra attention. SD13 is worst now. At least in public school she was forced to work in groups and forced to work with others. Now everyone just leaves her alone.

To make a long story short DH doesn’t think there’s a problem. He says she communicates fine with he and BM. I don’t believe this. I don’t think SD communicates with them at all. She placates them with good grades. He says there’s nothing wrong with her. I told him that he and BM need to try and get in front of this problem. It’s almost as if she is in a depressed state and she is even hateful sometimes to my Niece6. He didn’t agree.

Here’s the kicker, DH said that maybe she acts the way she does because she as well as he have noticed that she’s being treated differently from my BS13 and my Niece6. Well she is being treated differently . . .if BS13 ever ignored me he’d be popped in the mouth and he knows this because he’s being raised. Same thing goes for my N6. They get into your typical kid trouble but they are what I consider normal kids and this type of behavior would never be allowed in my home but I am allowing SD13 to act this way. Hell maybe I will start treating her like the other kids. Let’s see how he likes that. I have included this kid in Bday parties, got her cakes for her parties with gifts, she’s spent the last 3 Xmas with us and had just as much if not more than the other kids. She’s been included in BBQ’s, family reunions, pool parties and a ton of other stuff over the years. Grandparents (my parents) have given her back to school money like the other kids, bought her gifts like the other kids . . .I could go on but I won’t. She always displays the same shitty attitude. How the heck do you then turn her unhappiness around on me DH???

To be honest I don’t even think he likes being around his own daughter. His mood immediately changes on Thursday’s when he finds out if she’s coming or not. If she’s coming we know by HIS shitty attitude. Is she’s not coming he’s all friendly and Mr. Nice guy. That’s what I’ve noticed you DICK!

I decided today that I will remain disengaged. I tried, I’m done. FML!


oneoffour's picture

If she wants to sit at another table at a restaurant she doesn't get anything but a drink. By allowing her to behave like this means she is being encouraged to continue. I wouldn't force her to communicate with others but she is in a dark place where outa sight is outa mind.

Forget about the eggshells. Just do whatever you want. She should be helping out with the dishes etc. Taking her laundry downstairs. NOT shutting herself in her room. Take the TV out of there. Ask her opinion, If she shrugs just tell her "Shrugging is not an answer. Do you have an opinion or not?"

Another example of lazy parenting.

Jmom's picture

oneoffour I'm tired . . .he can do whatever he likes with her. I will continue to ignore. Lazy parenting is correct!

RLZ0073's picture

i think we’re married to the same guy and have the same SD... except I have two that are both miserable room hermits. 

I totally feel your pain. No matter what you do, they’re never happy. Even if there’s nothing bad going on... they’ll start shit up just to make the whole family miserable with them!

they drive me bat-shit crazy, girl! I decided to not bother with trying anymore. I’m just Counting the days til they are 18...