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Skids and Holiday Traditions....do they exist?

jlot's picture

So, this year I am being a Grinch of sorts….

I didn’t want to put up a tree, I didn’t want to do any festive decorating…I just wasn’t feeling it. Then my SD11 says, “But I want a tree here!” So, the DH gets the tree and we put it up. No decorations yet. We are selling our house, so much of our things are boxed away and it’s a hassel to get them out, but I decide yeah I will decorate it’s the holidays. He then tells me he will get the decorations out this weekend and the skids can help me…I reply: NO.

I may have not wanted to do the tree in the beginning, but I really don’t want their help. It’s almost worse. I would rather do it my way, the way I like it done. Selfish? Maybe, but it’s the truth. He then asks me why I find them so annoying an in the way. I don’t answer.

He then says: How are we ever going to establish family holiday traditions with the kids if you won’t let them help…
I don’t let them help because they complain, they don’t treat my stuff well and it becomes more stressful than fun. I also feel like there is NO time for holiday traditions if we are carting skids around to BMs houses, family get togethers and trying to meet a schedule from hell during this time of year. Not to mention, I live about 1500 miles from my family and I can’t see them this year, so I am sad myself. I also have no family where I currently live and no bio kids....I am just not feeling the holidays.

So I guess I will bite and ask do you all have traditions you have established with the skids and SO?

Comments

jlot's picture

I agree I need ideas
I really want to enjoy this time of year...and I have done a lot of thoughtful gift shopping for my skids. I want them to like them and I want to feel good knowing they do.
It's just hard. I am losing my holiday mojo and it's just started.
So all ideas are welcome. Smile

TheWickedStepmom's picture

wow... nope... no traditions with sk's. I have a couple with my bios though that were started LONG before steps every came around. My dh has never given a crap one way or another about ANY holiday except the food part of it. But I seriously never thought about it all like this before.

The 1 tradition I have with my own kids that I started with my ds17's very first Christmas (1st baby)... each year I go out and buy each child a special ornament. I usually try to get something that correlates with something that they have done that year, but sometimes if nothing significant happens or anything, it's just some random ornament that I like for them or a cartoon character or something they like that year. After almost 18 years of doing this, we have quite the collection between my 3 kids. Each year they put up their own ornaments on the tree and when they have their first Christmas in their own place, my plan is to give them their ornaments to start their own tree with (and buy myself some new ones to maybe one day have one of those "magazine perfect" trees we were talking about on another post).:) My reason for doing this... I had NOTHING for my first Christmas and was too poor to buy anything worth a crap. Smile But when I married dh that was the ONLY tradition I had with my children that I absolutely refused to share with my sk's. I did everything else as equal and fair as I possibly could and that was one thing I had started with each of my kids from the first Christmas and that was something special between me and the children I carried in my body. But sk's and dh never cared about it anyway so it never was a problem.

I seriously never realized that there really are no "traditions" within our blended family. How strange is that? 11 Christmas's together and nothing that is just between our blended family. Nothing at all that my dh ever contributed in the way of traditions from his family or anything... that is REALLY weird to me... especially weird I never thought of it like that before. Hmmmm... interesting.

jlot's picture

I like your ornament idea. It is very thoughtful and really personal - shows you took time to care and think about something that reminded you of them. Good idea!!!

TheWickedStepmom's picture

It's fun too because each year when I take the ornaments out I tell the kids the story behind each ornament. They don't remember receiving the first ones of course so they (the girls especially) like hearing about when they were babies and why I chose that particular ornament for them. A couple months ago, before all of the BS with my sk's, sd20 decided that she was going to "make" everyone's gifts. Guess what she did for my bio-kids? ORNAMENTS... how lovely huh? :sick: They will still get mom's special yearly tradition ornament and they are going to revolve around the fact that THEY are my children (since this is the year I decided to quit focusing on all 5 kids and make my kids priority 1)... I'm planning on writing on each one myself a short message for each of them individually that years from now (after I'm gone) they can look back and remember how much mom loved them. Smile

JustAnotherSM's picture

My SS18 grew up as an only child (although DH and I gave hime a couple of brothers in the past 4 years). Our traditions included decorating a small Christmas tree with SS during visitation and letting him keep that tree in his bedroom. We also baked cookies during the holidays to give to family and friends.

Just thought of one more thing... we always did silly art projects for every holiday. I have stacks and stacks of construction paper christmas trees, santa hats with cotton glued on, etc...

jlot's picture

Cookies - I can totally do that. And that is something my mom used to do with me every holiday. That would be fun! Thanks!

Eagle Eye's picture

I have always given my BD an ornament at Christmas that also started with her first Christmas. It is our tradition and I won't stop.

Now SS13 & DH have no traditions AND neither one of them seem to like my ornament giving. They feel like the tree doesnt belong to them because it is covered in ornaments from MY childhood as well as my BD.

I have tried to buy each of them ornaments but of course it is no match to our collection but how is this my fault? Am I supposed to stop my tradition just because DH never started his own?

I used to love Christmas but now I dread it! I don't want to decorate at all but I will only because my BD loves it!

purpledaisies's picture

We just continued my traditions. Bm doesn;t have any at all. She takes the kids to the store lets them pick out their gifts and gives them to them. She gets up the tree and does all the cooking. She brags about doing everything herself.

I on the other hand have always bought a new ornament for my kids every year so when I got married I started doing it for the boys and they love this. Sometimes I just buy one other times I let them make one. Then We make ginger bread houses, make cookies, and have hot coco. We also go to the lights of the ozarks and we drive around to see all the lights people put up. I also get each kid new PJs for christmas eve.

I just started doing everything with skids as well as with mine.

hismineandours's picture

Yeah, we've always had traditions. We've been a blended family since ss was 1. We always decorate our tree on T-giving weekend. We always had a real tree (until this year since dh is away we did artificial and it saddened all my kids). Dh and I drink wine while decorating the tree. The kids drink sparkling grape juice out of fancy glasses. We see a movie t-giving weekend. We watch every stinking xmas special known to man-all the ones on lifetime, the cartoon ones, dvd-every night starting with t-giving w/e it is xmas movies. We go to midnight mass on xmas eve. WE have my family over on xmas eve. We used to open our family presents on xmas eve am or xmas am depending on what day ss was here that year. We would tell the kids that they got presents one day early that year cause Santa had so much to do that he started early with them. Well, with the exception of last year-dh and I finished wrapping presents xmas eve around 1am-we woke all the kids up and said Santa had already been there. HAHA. We live in a very um, Christmasy town, so we go to our local xmas parade, and view all of the xmas lights in our town. We have dh's family over whenever his bm is not working (she's a nurse) and we do a sneaky Santa gift exchange. Wow-I could go on-I'm probably boring you. I guess it is one respect in which we are lucky. We blended our family when they were so young (2, 1, and 9 months)that all traditions have always been OURS.

Happily Stressed's picture

when I was growing up there was mom's tree, and the kid tree. lol ya know mom had to have her perfect themed matching color tree. so our solution was to have our own cheap 6ft tree, then put all our ornaments on it in another room. the fact that it was "ours" too made it even more fun. so maybe something like that would be a good suggestion for you. no worries if the ornaments get broke or lost, cause its theres. and it leaves you room to do your own holiday decorating the way you want it done without the fear of your ornaments ending up trashed.

this christmas being the first christmas our house was finished, we let the 4 year old put all the plastic ornaments up so they wouldn't break, then if there were to many bunched together we just went around and moved them later when he wasn't looking. lol until bulbs start breaking I'm fine doing it this way.

jlot's picture

I appreciate all the suggestions, you all have given me somethings to think about. I guess that I find it hard because I have no kids of my own to start traditions with, but I will try again this year with the skids and I hope to do something fun and special. I hope it works and gets me out of my funk......I hope I can keep it together until New Years! LOL.

T.O.'s picture

I don't have any kids of my own either & DF & I bought our house about 1.5 years ago so last Christmas was our first, and we also hosted Christmas @ our place for my family (there's about 20 of us here) & he had 4 people come since that's all his family here.

Since I was starting from scratch I was able to have one of those 'magazine trees' & it turned out very nice, & i figure once I have my own kids in a few years they'll want to put ornaments up & that will be the end of that ...

Growing up I didn't have this tradition I've read about hear of my mom buying my bro & I an ornament every year (although I think it sounds wonderful & I'll do it when I have kids of my own). I decided I'd try & have SS7 do what I used to with my mom & that was just to put ornaments up together - the 3 of us. FH & I put the tree in it's base & strung the lights & SS did help put up some ornaments but I finished it as other things came up & then he was back @ his BM's. Even this little involvement made him happy & he was proudly telling other people when he came back another weekend that he helped with it. Although I must admit I did rearrange what he'd put up as soon as he left LOL

Just think that the tree isn't just for skids - it's festive & beautiful & will make your house look all nicely lit up & pretty Smile I just decided to put mine up this weekend as I've also been busy - & it's partly cause SS asked about it - and FH was also asking - he didn't grow up having much so they never had big Christmas trees @ home with all the decorations .. so this is also a first for him - & it just feels so good to have the people you love around you happy & perhaps it'll help fill you with the Christmas spirit watching them.

Eyes Wide Open's picture

I grew up with awesome Christmases in the "great white north". My mother got us an ornament each year (there's just nothing like that avacado green mushroom with the elf on it!), and I continued it with my BD and my late husband. We always had such lovely holidays.

DH would get a tree, buy some crappy ass ornaments, slap them on the tree, then toss EVERYTHING out after Christmas. NO traditions. His kids don't even know the meaning of Christmas other than "gimme gimme".

Thus, no blended family anything. We go to his sister's for the morning, watch everyone greedily tear into gifts. Then, everyone leaves. My daughter comes for dinner on Christmas. We open gifts, eat, have a good time. I'd still much rather have my former holidays, heck, I'd rather have my former life! But.....

The holidays are not good for me.....always a little sad at this time of year....

tofurkey's picture

Sd lives with BM, she is primary. DH does x-mas exchange/dinner with SD at MIL's whenever his every other weekend visit falls closest to Christmas. Since we have no kids together, we do little things that we look forward to. We go trudging through the cold and snow and pick out our tree and cut it down, then enjoy some hot chocolate together when we get back cold and wet! We get each other ornaments every year with the other's name on it. We bake cookies together then put them in tins and share w/ family and friends. We go to the local park and drive through the annual light display. And on Christmas Eve we watch Garfield's Christmas special. MIL never really did anything traditional or special for DH when he was growing up, so these are a lot of things that I always did when I lived at home during Christmas time. When we have kids, I'm sure we will pass this down for them to enjoy doing as well!

Oh, and another thing that my mother always did for us when we were younger was get the advent calenders. I used to love them!

jlot's picture

I have been away from the computer for a week or more, and just saw all these suggestions...thanks all!!!!

mom2five's picture

We have several. We always decorate the tree on the Saturday after Thanksgiving.

I always make cookies while the kids decorate. And we listen to Christmas Carols while we get the tree decorated.

We always go out to eat on Christmas Eve and then to look at the lights.

We go to church every Sunday as a family, but we always go on Christmas Eve no matter what day it falls on.

I always get the kids new pajamas to wear on Christmas Eve. They open the present when we get home from church. And they always act surprised when they open their gift and find Christmas pajamas.

We always bake a Birthday Cake for Jesus. And on Christmas morning before we get too caught up in presents, we sing Happy Birthday to Jesus.

...I could keep going. We have lots of Holiday traditions in our family. We don't differentiate in our house between steps and bios. They are all "our kids" and they all participate.