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O/T Would this annoy you? Neighbor vent.

Jlbfinch's picture

I am trying to figure out if I'm justified in feeling super annoyed by this. My DD7 is friends with a neighbor kid who is on the Autism spectrum. It doesn't make me think any differently of this little girl compared to other neighbor kids but it does make it hard to understand what she wants sometimes and sending her home can be difficult bc she will sometimes refuse to leave. There have been a handful of occasions where her mom has had to come over and physically remove her, which involves a lot of kicking and screaming, bc none of my "okay it's time to go home" prompting has worked. Aside from that the kids play well together.

This summer this neighbor kid has been at my house multiple days a week, staying for hours at a time. Her mother works at a small business right outside of our neighborhood until like 2 pm each day and the neighbor kid is supposed to be being watched by her 12 year old brother but obviously she is allowed to come play at our house since we're just a few doors down. It has occurred to me that I've basically been babysitting this kid all summer for free. I've fed her lunch soooo many times, snacks, drinks, etc. The kids have made PLENTY of messes while playing together but luckily nothing that can't be cleaned up.

So here's the reason I feel so annoyed. Yesterday I was in kind of a bad mood. I had to drag the kids out super early to go drop off our puppy to get spayed, then the neighbor kid was at our house all day long. I booted her out when we had to leave to run a few errands and pick up the dog from the clinic. We came back and were barely even pulling into the driveway when I saw the neighbor kid riding her scooter down the sidewalk to come back to our house. I started telling my daughter and the neighbor kid "look why don't y'all go play at *neighbor kids* house, our dog had to have a surgery and she needs some peace and quiet right now, etc.". The neighbor kid told me, "we can't, *my mom doesn't let *my daughter* come in our house anymore." I'm sure you could see my jaw drop when she said that bc that was the first I heard of any ban of my kid from entering their house. I asked the girls what it was all about and it turns out that my DD can't play in their house anymore bc she got Play-Doh in their carpet.

I'm just thinking, "so I can supervise and feed your kid all summer long and don't even get so much as a thank-you but my daughter can't even step foot in your house bc of some Play-Doh in the carpet?!" It has me feeling so put out. Here's the only bad thing though. I pretty much have to just get over it bc while my heathen child isn't allowed inside their home she and my other DD are still invited to go swimming in their pool multiple times a week. It really helps me out in the evenings when I'm trying to cook dinner or relax with a glass of wine. I don't want to get into a spat with this neighbor lady and lose my kids' access to their pool. I just wish I had been informed about the Play-Doh mess so I could handle it on my end. No one likes to hear that their child is such a tornado of destruction that they can't go into someone's house.

Comments

hereiam's picture

Talk to the mom (she should have talked to you about it in the first place). Maybe have the same rule, the girl can play with your DD in your yard but cannot come in your house.

kathc's picture

^^^I was thinking this, too. I'm shocked she'd ban your daughter and risk you not letting her kid come over anymore.

kathc's picture

Tell the mom that her daughter is welcome to come play but NOT all the time, unannounced. Then stick to only letting the girl come over as much as you want---say, two or three times a week. She may be under the impression that you're inviting her over all the time. If the girl is alone with her brother and she just takes off to your house, the mom may not realize she's just showing up and inviting herself.

Also, I would ask her about the play doh in the carpet. Heck, offer to have it cleaned if you really want to preserve a good relationship with this woman.

zerostepdrama's picture

I'd ask her about the play doh incident. The mom really should have addressed it with you right away especially since her daughter comes over to your house all the time.

Jlbfinch's picture

I don't worry about them swimming bc they have two and three summers of swimming lessons under their belts and it's only a 4 ft deep above ground pool.

Jlbfinch's picture

Thanks for all the comments. I called the neighbor a few minutes ago to talk about the Play-Doh incident so I'll see what she says if she calls back.

Jlbfinch's picture

I can relate to this. Some lady moved onto our street and after a few days of noticing my DDs' and the neighbor kid playing unattended at the cul-de-sac she told my neighbor (the one I vented about) in passing that she was going to call CPS to report the kids bc they never had anyone watching them. What makes it funny is that my neighbor is white and her daughter is black (adopted) so she had know idea she was actually talking to the mother of one of the kids she was going to supposedly call CPS about. Needless to say that lady walked away from the conversation very embarrassed. We live in a very small subdivision (4 streets) in a very safe area. I'm very thankful that there aren't too many helicopter parents in our neighborhood bc they would certainly have a problem with me.

uofarkchick's picture

Nothing worse than the nosy busybodies of the world. Back in the 80s and 90s, we were told not to come in unless it was meal time. My parents would probably be rotting in prison if they tried this now. Even though our country is now safer than it has been in a very long time, the rise of social media has scared people in to thinking that kidnappers lurk around every corner and that any adult speaking to a child must have ill intentions. Do not be surprised if CPS shows up at your door. Women like your neighbor think they know more than you do about what is safe and age appropriate for YOUR child.

momjeans's picture

It would annoy me for a hot second, but then I'd be over it. And by over it I mean - refrain from feeding and entertaining this child as much as humanly possible. Play-doh happens. If she wants to limit playtime to strictly outside, I'd return the favor and do the same, weather permitting. I'd consider occasional indoor play in the cold months.

Jlbfinch's picture

I definitely value the 4-5 hours a week in the evenings that my kids are gone swimming at the neighbor's house. The neighbor girl is at my house easily 12-15 hours a week depending on what we have going on so its not an even exchange of time but it hasn't bothered me much until days like yesterday when I had a lot going on and just wasn't in a great mood. You know, it's hot, our pup is already 25 lbs and she was coming out of her surgery stupor and starting to wrestle against the e-collar while I'm picking her up out of the car, I'm concerned about her pain level, etc. To have the neighbor kid show up while we haven't even gotten out of the car yet and pop off that she HAS to play at our house bc my DD isn't allowed at hers just really irritated me.

But I did talk to my neighbor about the Play-Doh and she told me that she scolded both the kids over the mess bc she knows they both did it. She said my DD is in no way banned from going inside their house but that she does make them play outside bc Her AC doesn't work that great and with the four dogs and other family members she has in the house it's just way too hot and busy for more bodies.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I don't blame you for being irritated. To be sprung on before you've even gotten out of your car? Not cool.

What do you think will happen when the kids return to school? Will the neighbor kid stick closer to home?

Exjuliemccoy's picture

You've already received solid advice, so I just want to add that I don't understand why a parent would allow their child, their autistic female child, to roam the neighborhood. This is so incredibly dangerous! Check this out:

Our last home was kind of a weird set up - a three acre oasis in a very busy suburb. We had apartment complexes bordering us to the west and north, a row of duplexes across the street to the south, and a single family home on the other side of a high fence to the east. So, lots of temporary residents, and people kept to themselves.
A single mother moved into the house to the east with her brother and her autistic daughter, who was 10 or 11 and big as an adult. Soon, the girl was roaming the neighborhood and apparently out property as well. I got it - we had a lovely, rural park -like property that was very private - but it got to the point where I would get home from work and find her in my backyard! I had to tell her she was not allowed over anymore.
Well, one of the duplex occupants saw the girl acting suspiciously, and followed her onto our property, where she went around the back of the house and proceeded to go into our sun porch and climb through a window into our house! Upon questioning, we found out that she had been "visiting" my home almost daily, helping herself to food, playing with our pets, and taking small objects :jawdrop:

The mother apologized, but seriously, who allows ANY kid to wander around unsupervised for hours? And this mother was at work, too. Children get molested, kidnapped, even murdered...it does my head in that this woman thought our neighborhood a suitable playground for her autistic kid.