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How much longer til we reach 18?

jisselle's picture

Some days are better than others, (like the days that my SS is not here and he is with his BM) and other days I just wish he was 18 already and out of the house. It is the poor school work, the manners, disrespect, and of course the psychotic BM. My SS has reached the age where he thinks he knows it all, constantly playing video games, and lies constantly even about stupid stuff.

I feel really bad for him that he was dealt a bad hand in his life and that he got the BM he did, but I am a strong believer in that we make our own destiny and he has the power to change who he is. He does not need to follow in his mothers foot steps and end up like her a middle school drop out, in and out of jail, never having any money and a constant life of conflict.

My SS and I use to have a really good relationship, we would do many things together lots of outdoor activites, arts and crafts, family vacations, my DH and I make a decent living so we could afford to do all this stuff, where the BM as I said was in and out of jail has a long list of court dates for god knows what, and is never working steady and getting evicted from where she lives. My SS knew these things and we talked about them.

But in the past year our relationship just started going down hill, and as I said I do not know if it is the age thing or what, but I am just not one for lying and disrespect. and my SS knows this so now we have moved to a good relationship to a: I just tolerate him relationship. and he is always getting grounded for these issues. Sometimes I feel bad, but what else do you do? I will not keep letting him disrespecting people and lying to people, sometimes the lack of manners make me embarassed to bring him in public, like on days he comes back from visitation with BM's it is awful.

I have 2 step children one boy and one girl the girl is the oldest and I never ever have a problem with her she is an angel, very helpful could not have gotten luckier where she is concerned, she is 17 graduating HS this year and then off to college. just my SS is the only problem child and my DH and I have one together.

Comments

PPV40's picture

how old is SS? I'm starting to see the same pattern you described in my SS10 - I keep saying he wants extra attention from BM & BF...good or bad they all seem to want attention...

jisselle's picture

I have a long road a head of me SS will be 10 here very soon. Yes I know what you mean. It is just very hard to deal with that is why right now I just tolerate him. I feel bad but being a working mom BM and a SM some days I just can't deal with it and look forward to his visitations with BM even knowing that when he comes back from BM he may be even more messed up then when he went.

didddos's picture

Do I dare say it is the age??

I look back at my life with SS and I can tell you that this is EXACTLY when he turned in to a lying, disrespectful, mean, uncontrollable, menace!!!!!! He went from the cutest, sweetest, most lovable little 3 year old to a mean, mouthy 10 year old WAY too fast!

If I were replying to this even 6 months ago, you would have read a different reply from me. I was struggling with my feeling for SS. I hated having him around. I loved him, but it was so damn hard to be near him. I couldn't say a word to him without him getting extremely defensive and disrespectful. DH and I had marital problems as a result.

Something has changed. DH and I are stronger. We are united. SS is coming back. (He's living with us, temporarily or permanently we don't yet know.) I can see that little boy in SS again - that sweet, caring little boy that I've missed SO much. He's controlling his temper. He's trying hard.

SS just turned 13. I really don't know if it's the age or not, but I tend to think that at least some of it is.

Hang in there. I hope this *phase* passes faster for you than it did for me.

jisselle's picture

I guess I just have to hang in there, as I stated in my blog I have a teenage daughter too. She is a handful but I do not remember having many problems with her, maybe it is a gender thing too. any how thanks for the insight I always like to be prepared and know what is happening ahead of time.