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Wheres SD?

Jcksjj's picture

Does anyone else get annoyed with people constantly asking where skids are? I've noticed even DH (who people probably think wants them to ask) gets irritated by it. 

She doesnt live with us half the time. The answer is the same every time. Why is it necessary to keep asking where she is Every. Single. Time. If you've known us for years it should be kind of obvious by now, shouldnt it? It's like people seriously are that confused by what a stepfamily is and that she has another parent (dont get me started on the family members that try to refer to me as her mom when I'm obviously not).


somethingwicked's picture

Who's asking?

Make up some outlandish excuses for these types who probably spent their formative years   playing  Where's Waldo.

"She joined the Foreign Legion"

"She's at an orientation at Elon Musk's for  first Mars landing consideration."



Some people are just nebsh!ts. 

Jcksjj's picture

Lol I was hoping someone would have something witty to say in response. I want to say oh, we left her locked in a closet at home, since that's what seem to be implying half the time. 

Well, last night it was my brother's fiance who obviously knows she doesnt live with us all the time. But I dont think we've ever went to any family event without at least one person asking. Like, I think some of them seriously don't comprehend that she has a mom also since they've never met her and I guess cant put 2 and 2 together.

momjeans's picture

We used to get it often when we still lived in the same city as skid. It seemed rather... backhanded and askhole-ish. 

It was also very evident that the person asking had absolutely no clue how miserable BM had us 99% of the time. 

Jcksjj's picture

Yes, I feel like they're implying either that it's just so sad we dared to do something without her or they're disappointed or something. I mean probably most of them are either just dumb or asking to seem inclusive to DH (they usually dont ask when its just me) but it starts to seem insulting when that's asked nearly every time we go somewhere without her.

hereiam's picture

I don't think people are confused or dumb, they probably just think it's polite to ask about her.

"She doesn't live with us full time, so...." Just keep repeating, they will get the drift.

missginger's picture

It doesnt bother me too bad. I mean its hard for people to rember visitation schedules. OUr neighbors know she is with us every other weekend but they never know which weekends. Plus I like when they ask. Its usually to see if she can babysit which means she is out of the house for a few hours! Smile

Jcksjj's picture

Oh if it was something that would lead to her being out of the house I'd be just fine with it!

Thisisnotus's picture

yep. happens ALL the time. My MIL spends 90% of her conversations with DH and I asking where skids are, what they are doing, has DH heard from them. On and on and on.

And on the days that SD's are supposed to be with DH but end up staying with BM.......MIL acts like a derranged lunatic harping on where and why and how they aren't with DH.........I ignore her.

Jcksjj's picture

My MIL acts like it's a crime to allow her to see her mother also. Or terrible that we go on living when shes there.

Thisisnotus's picture

omg yes! The "terrible that we go on living while she's there"........I can't stand that. MIL has the mindset that if DH and I do anything without is just horrible and I can alwasy see that she wants to literally cry tears over it. And if DH and I do something without skids (b/c they are with BM) but with MY kids.......I think MIL is about to have to be committed to a mental hospital. She can't even function at the thought.............

Simpleton21's picture

Exactly this!  I hate that part of step life.  Like we are only supposed to do fun things if/when we have SD and the rest of the time we are supposed to just sit around waiting for her presence again?!?! Knowing damn well BM is taking her to movies and to the mall and whatever she wants b/c she is an only child over there.  So, our kids should just get the shit end of the stick b/c SD might miss out on something....Ugh!

It is annoying when people ask that knowing she has another home too.  

thinkthrice's picture

Oh her mom went on a scorched earth psychological warfare policy from day one and trash talked us to the point where she never comes over anymore.  Any more questions?

Or a comedic answer: "Not our turn to hold the leash."

Chef used to get these questions and piiiitiiiiful looks when the ferals were in the process of PASing out when they would make up any excuse not to come to visitation:

1.  Third annual BM's family reunion (in the same month)

2.  National Chocolate Ice Cream Day

3.  Mom promised us fun and games if we refused to come to your house


Jcksjj's picture

Theres not even any PAS, we just dont have her half the time. 

Not our turn to hold the leash is great though lol. Too bad it would amp up the oh poor SDs even more.

Iamwoman's picture

"I don't know. I can give you her phone number so you can just call her from now on instead of asking me."

silversong's picture

This is definitely one of my pet peeves of step life!  The thing is, 95% of the time, we are able to have SS with us for gatherings and events because BM is overall pretty reasonable about special requests.  The 5% of the time that we don't have him with us, DH's extended family makes a huge deal about it.  Walking into places and immediately being asked "Where's SS?" with no other type of greeting for the rest of us is annoying.  People aren't meaning to be rude but it comes off so rude to me.

Jcksjj's picture

That's exactly it. And then when we do have her instead of a hi to everyone its "oh shes here!" Like the rest of us are just her entourage.

We pretty much stick to the schedule because before when we were being flexible it allowed too much leeway for BM to manipulate. Plus there was basically no schedule because there was always something to change it up for.

silversong's picture

Yaaaasss!  "Oh she's here!" That literally happened last weekend at the extended family Xmas event - something SS has literally never missed.  "SS is here!"   Yes and so are the rest of us, thanks for noticing.

Jcksjj's picture

And hes never missed it?! Even worse. Are they the trying too hard to be nice type? My mom's family is, so they way overcompensate trying to be inclusive and basically make it look like they're favoring her.

Ispofacto's picture

" know she has a BM...right?"  Duh.

" know she has two parents...right?"  Duh.

" know DH shares custody with BM...right?  I think we've gone over this before..."  Duh.

"If she's not with us, you can assume she's with her other parent.  You don't need to ask again."


2nd wives club's picture

"She's traveling with the carnival for her "gap" year."

That is annoying. If DH and I are at ILs without skids, that's ALL we talk about  - the athletically gifted geniuses.



Jcksjj's picture

"Athletically gifted geniuses"

Gag. SD doesnt even have any special talents really, shes actually a little slow in some ways (good at reading I guess but big deal, so are a lot of kids). Shes just special for existing.

Simpleton21's picture

This comment reminded me of how SD randomly blurts out in the car to everyone "oh, I just got a notification that my GIFTED language arts class grade is now a was a D"....this was Saturday so apparently according to her one of the teacher's is randomly updating grades over the 2 week vacation they have from this?!?!  Mmmmkay....which I guess is possible but I also know she only made that announcement so she could be sure that we know she is in "GIFTED" reading....yet still almost failing it until this past Saturday.  Seems legit. 

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

OMG, MIL was the WORST with this. Obviously, she knew we only had the skids half the time. We always planned visits to the ILs when the skids were with us. But if she ever heard about us doing anything even remotely fun without them, she was all, "Ooohhhhhhh, but where were the skiiiiiids?? You didn't want them to go tooooo?" Didn't matter if it was something as simple as a movie. We apparently were expected to sit on the couch, hands in our laps, waiting for the next "skid week" while our lives were on hold. YEAH, don't think so. 

Jcksjj's picture

Oh yeah. MIL doesn't actually say that stuff anymore, but you can see it on her face. Its perfectly fine to intentionally exclude the other kids from things, even though they're always there so it's right in front of them - but we're supposed to accommodate every plan to SD being there. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Omg yes! SD was in Columbia with BM for thanksgiving, we were taking family pics with our kids and I posted on Facebook. SD grandma public ally posted "where's SD?!?!?" She knew exactly where she was!