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Well, after 6 years BM finally pulled the "you can't have her" card

Jcksjj's picture

So things were supposed to go back to 50/50 since SD will be in school full time again soon. And BM just last week had agreed to that. All of a sudden today, she messages me that she is changing the schedule to have SD all the time except DH can have her one weekend a month. And then threw in that she wants to claim her on taxes every year. She says the reason is SD says DH doesn't spend enough time with her and so she wants to stay at BMs.

Now for some background, SD has always been much more attached to BM and when she was younger would cry nearly every night that she wanted to be at BMs, despite the fact that DH catered to and coddled her to the extreme. And when she first started school and was struggling with every other week DH asked BM if either one of them could have her full time during the week to make it easier and BM said no. And then at one point BM was going to move away and didn't want SD to come with. So its a little suspicious that she all of a sudden wants her full time, when it was fine a week ago.

I replied that I can't really agree to that for DH, and she said she's "not asking his permission at this point" and that she's just doing what SD wants. Note - there's been no prior discussion about complaints from SD.

So idk what her deal is, but I'm not sad.


futurobrillante99's picture

What did you say to her? I would just say, "Talk to DH."

But wouldnt it be awesome if you only saw SD one weekend a month?

Jcksjj's picture

Yes! And I did basically say that, but she kept going lol. Said DH needs to go to counseling with her if he wants to see her more. Pretty crazy how in a span of a week it went from being fine with 50/50 to DH needs counseling.

futurobrillante99's picture

Sounds like something changed in her life. Maybe problems with her boyfriend/spouse and now she's creating drama to pull your DH back in?

Jcksjj's picture

Probably. She is single and I already told DH that she'd be causing more drama once she's single again.

I also already told DH a long time ago that no matter what he does SD is gonna complain and treat him like shit.

ksmom14's picture

Are you in the US? Would BM normally be claiming SD for 2020 taxes? Maybe she just wants to keep SD to claim her on taxes so she can get the COVID stimulus money?

advice.only2's picture

If he's willing to go along with it that's on him. His kid his decision. Who cares what her motivation is, just let her know this is how it is now, no takesie backsies.

Jcksjj's picture

No takesie backsies lol...yeah I figured it'll last until its not convenient for her any more. And then it'll be "well I had her full time so now its your turn."

Sparkl3s's picture

How frustrating! Tell her you will be following your court order and show up to pick up SD start calling the police. Even if they don't make her allow SD to go with your husband at least you can start having recorded contempt of BM. If she asks just tell her that you are building a case of her refusal to follow court orders and coparent. It seems to scare some BMs .... but some take it as a personal challenge to put a wedge between the kid and bio. It's tough.... 

Jcksjj's picture

There is no court order - i told DH to get it in writing when he had the chance but he didn't do it so

The_Upgrade's picture

Don't you love the logic? SD says DH doesn't spend enough time with her so she'll now opt for zero time with her....

Jcksjj's picture

Could be. I think she's really just angry and bitter and wants to fight. But I'm guessing the next thing will be to file for child support. 

I'm pretty sure she thought he would grovel at this point but he's not.