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Should skid still get perks?

Jcksjj's picture

So given the situation (spoiled skid only coming to our home 2 days a month because our house isn't good enough) would you continue giving skid the "perks" of having 2 homes to the same degree? Small example: easter basket. Big example: bedroom all to herself.

ETA: obviously this is a long way off, but what the heck do you give a kid for Christmas and birthdays thats never at your house? Looking at all the wasted money in her room irritates me. Just candy?


strugglingSM's picture

I would still do things like an Easter basket if the skids were going to be around, but they would not have their own room unless the space was totally not needed. They would probably move more into guest status than member of the household.

ndc's picture

I think it depends what the things are.  In your examples, I'd provide an Easter basket if she was at your home for Easter weekend.  If not, then no.  The room to herself - depends on the other uses the room is needed for.  If there are kids sharing who are in the home more often, or if an adult needs an office or a craftroom or the like, then the skid wouldn't have her own room.  If there's an available bedroom that would otherwise not be needed, then she can have her own room.

tog redux's picture

Definitely not the room to herself. And if DH wants a big deal made about holidays, he can do it himself.

JRI's picture

If you have the space, then I'd give her the room.  It works in your favor to have her out of your sight. How old is she?  If she's still an Easter bunny believer, I'd do the basket.  But if shes older and youre doing it to be nice, then stop.  Same with Valentines Day, Hallowen, etc.

caninelover's picture

A room to herself means less time with you...

Jcksjj's picture

This is a good point. And for now I'll probably leave it. However, we have a 1 and 2 year old that currently share a room, and when they're a little older it would make more sense to me to have them to each have their own rooms and figure out something else for her. I would guess in a few years and especially when she starts driving there won't even be overnights anyway.

JRI's picture

I was " nicer" back in the day.  The first year we had the SKs at Eadtertime, I bought a cake mold and baked a lamb cake, complete with coconut fur and jelly bean eggs.  My YSS mocked it to death.  No more lamb cakes.

CajunMom's picture

On the room: As it's just her room, how about turning it into a guest room that she can use the two days a month she comes. That is exacly what I did. SKs came here three weekends...Friday at 2pm til Sunday at 2PM. Then I didn't see them for a full 3 weeks, while DH was at work. So...guest room it was! Decorated just as I wanted it. SKs left nothing at our home so it really worked well. 

On the gift giving, I'm so much like Evil. I love giving gifts for all the holidays (might steal that St. Patty's idea, Evil!!). I tried with SKs and it was poorly recieved. So I stopped. I continued with my bio kids who loved it. And still do today as adults. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

I purposely get OSD something I know she would hate for Christmas and bday,  because she is greedy and ungrateful,. But, I don't want to not acknowledge her  and be a complete jerk. This year I paid for her to take the hunting course online. SO thought it was a wonderful gift. SD was pissed. Because now she had to listen to her father stone her to do it and then disappoint him by not wanting to do something he looked forward to.

But I don't do anything for the other Holidays. I would love to make her room a guest room. But right now it's not worth the fight with SO and everyone has their own rooms anyway.

Dogmom1321's picture


Exjuliemccoy's picture

You are a savage after my own heart! I'm nominating you for The WSMOTY award. The winner gets a gift certificate to the liquor store of her choice and a trophy with a witch riding her broomstick.

The only way to win is 1) not to play at all, or 2) follow form and pay lip service to CYA.

Jcksjj's picture


My SD is also greedy and ungrateful. And regardless of what she gets from us, whatever she gets from BMs side is better.

Dogmom1321's picture

I wouldn't give the SK a whole room. What a waste of space. You could easily do an office/craft room/etc. with a small twin day bed. 

And if the holiday happened to be on a time when they were actually there, then maybe your DH can do something for them (valentines basket, etc.) but I definitely wouldn't be putting it together myself or "saving it" for their next visit. 

nengooseus's picture

For the minor holidays, like Easter, I don't do anything.  They're here for Easter for the first time in like 6 years this year, and I don't know that I will do much  they're 11 and 16  

If they're not here for Xmas, they get a very scaled down holiday. Everything goes in one box and DH wraps it with everything he can to make it hard to get into. This year, he used a padlock, chain, paracord, duct tape, and cellophane. It was fun to watch them get super frustrated. SS11, who is our more challenging kid, gets a lot of clothes and other small stuff. DH absolutely takes the lead, though. 

And on bedrooms....  DH had a hobby room over our garage. SS has a bed and set of drawers in there. He's here EOWE, he doesn't need his own room. 

Wittzend's picture

Our oldest SD12 doesn't come around anymore thinks Dad is mean. And honestly she's the issue here. When other two Skids are here no problems for the most part. I went above and beyond one year planned a beach vacation drove down in a rv..bought xmas gifts around it,new swim suits beach toys towels etc and got why I get this I don't want this and just threw it aside..hurt my feelings something awful..Vacation came all they did was fight and call mom almost ruined my zen ( the beach) told DH never again will we take them on vacation!