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MIL wants to stop by

Jcksjj's picture

So MIL just messaged DH and said they were invited to SILs and asked if they could stop by and bring the kids their presents here.

My answer would be a big F no, but of course DH is being a wimp about keeping to his boundaries he set. This isnt going to be some miracle where they magically decide they care and are going stop being a bunch of assholes. Most likely SD and BM are at SILs. So they'll get to have their cake and eat it too.


Aniki-Moderator's picture

Gads, I'd be awfully tempted to herd the kids into the car for an impromptu drive.

You can do this: polite, but distant. *give_rose*

Jcksjj's picture

He hasn't answered them yet, but I really don't want to open my door to them in any way. I dont need people around my kids that think they exist solely to validate them. Or that delete my Facebook because they "can't take" seeing me post pics of my kids without SD. Or that tried to ruin their family by causing problems in my marriage. 

Jcksjj's picture

Ha - MIL posts almost exclusively pics of SD. On top of that, she couldn't bear deleting BM off of FB because she had to see pics of SD.

tog redux's picture

It's really hard to just set hard and fast no contact boundaries on family. If all they do is stop by and drop off gifts, that doesn't seem too bad.  Short of moving far away, it's going to be a challenge to just cut them out.

Jcksjj's picture

Yeah. You'd think the fact that they're probably sitting there gossiping with BM about us again right now would make it easier. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

"Sorry Mom, we have plans today. Maybe another time. Bye."

That's all your DH needs to say. Just tell him you want to enjoy the day, not have it overshadowed by family problems. He doesn't need the stress, either.

CajunMom's picture

No further explanation needed. 

Tried out's picture

to insist. 

Tried out's picture


Jcksjj's picture

Right. And they didn't end up dropping them off or responding. Guess we just don't appreciate them still bothering to wrap a present or 2 for the "kids that aren't SD" quite enough.

Tried out's picture

this whole situation so bizarre. You've given her the greatest gift a DIL can give her and she tosses it aside as if it is nothing. If I was close by I would gladly take over the job! 

Jcksjj's picture


I agree it's just weird. 

hereiam's picture

Well, if they are on their way somewhere else, maybe they really will just drop off gifts and not stay long.

Make sure your DH does not offer them refreshments!

Jcksjj's picture

They wanted to on the way back :/

I have a hard time believing that they would just drop them off and there would be no mention of anything else.

Tried out's picture

do as my husband's daughter used to do - after saying it was okay that we drop by she and her husband would remain standing and never ask us to sit down. And then bitch that her dad spent all his time with his "other family." You know, mine. 

Tried out's picture

would be PERFECT!

thiscantbenormal's picture

BIL is dropping off MIL's gift for our DD in the garage today.  Can't visit with him because of the virus exposure in her household. I want to tell her to save her money and not bother with being involved only thru gift giving. It's superficial. She's not long distance and I've NEVER heard a phone convo between the 2. My dad lives next door and still does occasional phone convos with DD. There has been enough passive aggressive comments that I'm the wrong wife and DD is the wrong grandchild that shouldn't have been conceived on purpose.. So they can take their fake grandparent role and shove it where the sun don't shine.

My mom stinks in the grandmother role as well.  Touch of narcissism saddled with alcoholism seems to be her problem. MIL is cut from the same cloth as BM, and BM is the typical vindictive pas'ing hcbm we read about here.

Jcksjj's picture

Yep sounds familiar. I watched a video once that discussed this exact scenario and it was crazy how accurate it was for us. The guy grows up with a narcissistic mom, ends up dating a narcissistic woman and missing all the red flags because of how mom was, and then sometimes end up having a narcissistic adult child also because their ex is like that. It's a really shitty dynamic