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MIL crying about Thanksgiving pt 2

Jcksjj's picture

So DH decided on his own that he was going with me to my grandparents for Thanksgiving. I left it completely up to him what he wanted to do. Honestly, I think he would much rather go to my family's anyway, because while they have their faults, they are more pleasant to be around and there isnt usually any drama. But I still give him credit for having a spine this time.

MIL sent him a somewhat guilt trippy text earlier today asking about it, and when he told her we were going to my grandparents Thanksgiving day this year since we went to her house last year, she just sent back a thumbs up and per usual started posting her passive aggressive poor me memes on Facebook. Including one that said " I try to tell myself it is what it is, but deep down I wish it was different" with the caption "ironic." Of course, SIL chimed in with all the sad faces and likes on them. I'm sure there will be more since she tends to drag on these "injustices" against her for years, but I finally unfollowed her so I wont be seeing it. I cant handle the constant drama and negativity coming from MIL, SIL, and then also BM and SD. Too many drama queens in too close of proximity to me. And being completely honest, it makes me feel bad/guilty even though rationally I dont think it should.

Side note, DH has an older half sister that MIL lost custody of when she divorced. I'm really curious what she was like as a non custodial BM if this is what shes like with her adult kids. Dh told me once that his dad was the one that always went to pick up his sister for weekends, supposedly because his mom hated her ex so much she couldn't even bear to go there. I wouldn't be surprised if there was actually a restraining order or something.

Comments

Chmmy's picture

This will drag on wont it? And wanna bet that next year she will assume it is her year? Especially the way DH worded it that last year  you were with MIL so this year he's  going  with your family.  She will immediately feel entitled  that DH will be with her next year.

Jcksjj's picture

Yes, I'm sure it will drag on. And yes, I'm sure shes expecting next year to be hers then. Which I'm not totally opposed to right now, as long as there isn't any more direct crap towards the kids, which shes been holding herself back from it seems like. Who knows if she can keep that up for another year though.

Disneyfan's picture

Why don't you just block them on Facebook?  They don't  have to know that you can no longer see what they post or like.  You can't be annoyed by stuff you can't  see.

 

Jcksjj's picture

I didnt block her because I'm sure that would be more drama to deal with, but I did unfollow her. Same effect for me.

tog redux's picture

Oh for crying out loud. Yes, just ignore and move on. 

We are usually with my family for holidays because they are closer than DH's and he doesn't much like his family anyway - but one year we went to his for Christmas and my family said, "Have fun, we'll miss you!" 

You know, the normal response. Your MIL is quite the narcissist.

Jcksjj's picture

Yep that was pretty much my familys response last year when we went to hers. And anytime we havent been able to make it for the holidays. I mean, I understand it would be nice to have everyone there, but it's not like they never see us or wont be a few weeks after for Christmas.

MurphysLaw's picture

"Side note, DH has an older half sister that MIL lost custody of when she divorced."

Now THIS is interesting! We all know how incredibly difficult it is for the courts to award custody to the father over the mother! Circumstances have to be beyond bad for that to happen!

Jcksjj's picture

Right? And this was 35 years ago, when I'm pretty sure it was even more unlikely for a mom to lose custody. She says it was because she was younger than him and had no money, but idk. 

MurphysLaw's picture

All the more reason she "could have" taken him to the cleaners!

That would have been in the 80's, wondering if MIL was a party girl coke head...
Inquiring minds wanna know!! LOL 

Jcksjj's picture

Oh wow...you could be on to something. There have been references here and there on her facebook to her party days, but I assumed it meant alcohol. She does also smoke like a chimney.

Jcksjj's picture

Yeah it is. Also, that SIL you can tell was raised in a different household and has a lot better boundaries and is much easier to get along with and seems healthier mentally overall interesting to me. 

momjeans's picture

I’ve always thought that your MIL is a lot like mine. 

Even down to the insufferable attention grab meme posting on social media. It’s what people with low emotional IQ do. 

Jcksjj's picture

Is that what it is? MIL is actually fairly intelligent but I suppose that doesnt necessarily correspond with having high emotional intelligence.

And the attention seeking online really is insufferable. Honestly I dont know how they dont feel stupid doing it, it's so obvious.

Simpleton21's picture

My SIL is just like MIL and does the constant attention seeking online.  I did actually block her.  At least MIL just constantly forgets her fb login and has like 6 accounts that she can't access!  LOL! It is so transparent to most normal people.  

momjeans's picture

Sorry, that should say “low emotional EQ,” not IQ. I don’t think the two are mutually exclusive. 

Simpleton21's picture

Yep, this will be my MIL when we tell her we aren't coming b/c my DH is having surgery like 7 days before Thanksgiving.  She one time found out that my DH's SM had come over and sent him a message. "Why are you hanging out with SM? She's not your mom, I'm YOUR MOM!"....DH's SM has been in his life since he was in grade school and she is a much better mother figure than MIL.  Honestly after hearing her say that and act like a child over it I was so disgusted that I will never have much respect for her ever again.  Not that I had much to begin with but when you hear a 60+ woman acting that way it is pretty gag worthy!

Jcksjj's picture

I'd be really curious what MIL thinks of SILs SM. I'm pretty sure they are pretty close and she spent more time raising her so...

Simpleton21's picture

Oh I'm sure she hates your SIL's SM and probably has to proclaim to SIL that SHE IS HER MOTHER NOT SM!  LOL!

momjeans's picture

People have described my MIL as: a narcissist that infantilizes her grown sons (my therapist), a backbiter, superior and fake (my SIL from my FIL’s first marriage), insecure and sometimes ignorant (my DH... LOL), codependent and an enabler (BIL’s ex fiancés mom).

They’re not wrong. *smile*

Jcksjj's picture

Interesting that first what was told to you by a therapist if you think our MILs sound similar, because that's exactly what I see in my MIL. She wants her kids to be dependent on her forever and resents them being happy or successful without her.

momjeans's picture

Yep, and YEP.

My therapist, a rather reputable one I might add, is pretty spot-on with her assessments.