I cant hear "poor SD" another time
ODS had his school play today and I wasnt able to go, so my mom went and recorded it for me. Afterwards, she called me to tell me how it went. After a little bit she asked if SD had her play today also. And then asked if DH went. And then a little later in the convo "oh well I sure hope BM went." And I kind of spazzed on her. I told her I just dont want to talk about SD, she causes me nothing but drama and stress and I just dont want to talk about her. My mom said she understood. Seriously, I'm so sick of hearing constantly "poor SD" in some form or another I'm literally holding myself back from screaming at this point. I mean, I just got done telling my mom that it sucks because I can't even go to ODS school events without having to deal with BM and SD and she responds with "oh well I sure hope BM went to hers." BM has never not went to any of her school events, so idk why anyone would worry about that, let alone my family.
DHs family favors SD hard and is strangely obsessed with her, even for being grandparents. Half the convos ive ever had with MIL I have are her mining me for info about SD. Then we have my family that overcompensates and tries to extra hard to be nice to SD and show that they arent discriminating so it almost ends up looking like favoritism there also (its not, but it can look like it). Then we have BM and SD who constantly cause drama and have a drive to be the center of attention that I've rarely ever seen in other people. Plus by total coincidence one of my BFFs is from the same small town as BM, so she has an "in" to my life there also. All of that combined makes it feel like my entire life is revolved around this spoiled brat kid who has hated me from day one and I have no bond with. I've disengaged and things at home and with DH have improved dramatically. But it makes it so much worse when I feel like I cant get away from it anywhere else either. Honestly, I dont think my own kids even get brought up as much by others as BM and SD.
Two things from this: first of all, I was surprised by how emotional (like teary) I got saying out loud I just dont want to talk about her. So obviously its bothering me more than I realize.
Second, I obviously need to be more upfront about my feelings. I've tried just giving a neutral response when SD is mentioned. To my mom in particular, I feel I've made my feelings pretty clear. But until I flat out said i don't want to talk about her it wasnt effective.