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Jcksjj's picture

SD was gone for 10 days. It was amazing. The weather was crap, all 3 kids and then myself all got sick, and it was still amazing. 

So anyway, alot of the issues that were happening when I first posted have gotten better. To be clear, SD herself is the same, but much less of a problem to me personally because of the advice I've gotten on here and it actually working over time. DH has gotten much better. Hes not 100 percent, but it's gotten better.

So my question now is how do I get all of the crap out of my head. Dealing with the drama with SD, BM and MIL on such a constant basis before took up alot of headspace, and now it's like its stuck that way (probably what the narcissists are going for). I'd like that space back for more positive things. How do I let go of the past crap and the things that are pretty much stuck the way they are?


Monkeysee's picture

I’m not sure but I’m interested to see what people say. There’s plenty of stuff I’d love to be able to let go of. Every time I think I’ve let it go it tears it’s ugly head again. Ugh. 

futurobrillante99's picture

I found journaling helped me a lot. And posting here.

However, I have also found that reading here and on other sites I joined about narcissists has sometimes fed my anxiety and kept my frustrations alive from fresh outrage at what other people are experiencing.

If you can put your own life in proper context and come here less and mostly when you need validation, you might get into a better headspace.

Maybe post blogs here but don't read what others are going through or it might trigger old feelings.

ESMOD's picture

I would try an exercise where you 

First.. acknowledge the memory..idea.  Yes BM is intrusive/vindictive/crazy etc..

Then.. make an affirmation about it.. "But thank goodness my husband now draws boundaries.. or SD doesn't come over as much.. etc  Or .. I am thankful that I have disengaged... so I don't have to put any effort in about it.

Then intentionally redirect your thoughts.. "I have wasted enough time and energy thinking about SD/BM.. I am going to think about happier things.. like.. planning my vacation.. thinking about how much fun it will be to do that girls weekend.. or some other pleasant mental topic like how much you like the new Jonas Bros

I don't think we can stop negative thoughts from seeping in.. but we don't have to let them take up permanent residence.

tog redux's picture

Honestly, I found it very hard to let go until it just wasn't affecting me anymore. I think it's normal to be preoccupied with a problem that's as big as the ones people deal with on here on a daily basis.


bananaseedo's picture

This is true.  I somewhat disengaged but until it stopped affecting me daily I still struggled with the intrusive thoughts, anxiety, insomnia, etc...

shellpell's picture

Google EFT tapping, Helps disrupt the neural pathways these obsessive thoughts create.

Chmmy's picture

I let BM and skids behavior take up too much headspace also.  Even when they are not home, their stuff annoys me.  It's just a remender of the entitlement and lies.  I see a towel and it remends me that SS12 lied about taking a shower when he didnt because he wanted to look a screen.  It's really taken from my happiness because these issues are constantly unresolved.