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The difference

Jcksjj's picture

One of my coworkers from a previous job fairly recently started dating a guy with 3 kids and she posts pictures of them all the time. At first I rolled my eyes at them like I usually do at stepfamily things. But taking a closer look - the kids look happy and like NICE kids. And even more - her boyfriends mom commented how thankful the kids are to have her in their life! I'd probably fall over dead from shock if my MIL ever commented something like that. In contrast, MIL passive aggressively excluded us (DS9 and me) from the beginning. The first picture ever posted of myself, my now DH and the kids she commented "MWAH Hi SD granny loves and misses you!" At the time I thought it was weird and kind of rude and since then I've come to realize that yes, she was trying to be intentionally rude because when BM was sending her pics of SD for awhile she told us she ignored BM by responding with "Hi SD, granny misses you!" So basically the same comment. 

In addition, theres no way SD would ever want to take a picture with me, let alone be thankful for me. When we did do family pics once, SD was so pouty and told the photographer "that's not my mom!" with such a nasty attitude that the photographer just stared at her dumbfounded and didnt know what to say. 

Seeing that makes it hit home that some of the things I've gotten used to arent normal or okay. Theres a reason some step situations seem to work, and in my jadedness I always assume its BS. But there are actually some nice kids and nice MILs.

Comments

ESMOD's picture

You missed a golden opportunity.. when your SD said that you weren't her mom.

"Yeah.. thank goodness... right?"

Simpleton21's picture

LOL, right, now anytime anyone mistakes SD for being mine I immediately reply before she even has a chance, "oh no, she isn't my daughter, she is my step daughter".  People probably think I am a b!0tch but I don't care.  Once they see her behavior I don't want them thinking I had anything to do with that upbringing!

Jcksjj's picture

Oh I actually appreciate her making it known that she isnt mine! What I don't like is the attitude of "my mom is sooo much better" that goes with it. 

 

beebeel's picture

Well I don't think someone who only recently started dating should be plastering their bf's kids all over their social media. That doesn't sound healthy, either. A snapshot can't capture the entire picture.

That said, having a jerk for a MIL is a big hurdle to a happy relationship.

Jcksjj's picture

Oh I totally agree. I have no idea what the backstory is either, could be trying to stick it to BM or something too. But either way the fact that she doesnt appear to be being treated like the mortal enemy right off the bat is a big contrast.

And yes, I never realized how much of an issue a MIL could be, I thought it was more of a sitcom joke type thing and that someone outside the relationship couldn't cause that much trouble. 

SeeYouNever's picture

 Ugh your MIL sucks. I don't post pics with my SD but I have a friend who posts pictures all the time of her and her husband and her kids. Whenever she does her in laws will always comment "where is SD??" 

The SD is 10 years older than her kids, lives across the country and sees them maybe twice a year. My friend gets constantly shamed for not including her!

Jcksjj's picture

I dont post pics of mine anymore and MIL has gotten mad at DH about it. I'm at the point where they can all go F themselves, I tried and theres no way to win.

SeeYouNever's picture

 Ugh your MIL sucks. I don't post pics with my SD but I have a friend who posts pictures all the time of her and her husband and her kids. Whenever she does her in laws will always comment "where is SD??" 

The SD is 10 years older than her kids, lives across the country and sees them maybe twice a year. My friend gets constantly shamed for not including her!

tog redux's picture

My friend's ex-H remarried a nice woman who treats my friend's son very well. They have family pictures on Facebook and even named their new daughter with the same initials as my friend's son.  Friend's son likes his stepmother very much. My friend likes her too, and has no objections to how they treat her son. 

The difference? All 3 of the adults in their scenario are sane people. 

Siemprematahari's picture

What a difference when you have sane and secure people in these type of dynamics. I am glad that your friend is having a good experience with step life. It's not always horrible situations and you do have positive ones out there.

thinkthrice's picture

of my estranged (emphasis on STRANGE) skids.  It would probably break the internet.

Jcksjj's picture

DH was showing someone our wedding pics once (some of the very few pics of SD I have on my Facebook) and she was saying how cute his nieces were. DH went back to a pic of SD and paused, waiting expectantly for her to compliment SD also. Finally she realized he was waiting for that and she said "oh that's a cute dress shes wearing" and DHs face fell. Shes that not cute that it's hard to fake it for politeness lol. I'm surprised all the pics of her MIL has posted havent broken the internet either lol.

thinkthrice's picture

Chef's oldest half bro (in his upper 70s now) told me the other day that he ran into a woman who has peripheral dealings at best with the Girhippo clan.  She went on about what a "nice boy" the Houseshitter (YSS stb 17) is.  Even Seasoned Citizen remained silent whilst she went on as he knows the truth

CLove's picture

I too did all those "happy family" postings.

And after a few years - it was minus 1 (feral forger), and one obnoxious cousin did the "arent you missing 1?"

I did a private message to her, explained things. She stopped, finally.

I am hoping to do a christmas family photo card this year.

Jcksjj's picture

Photo card with or without feral forger? I can't stomach seeing my two littlest that are still completely innocent (20 months and 5 months) grouped together with her so I just dont do xmas cards. 

I also did a couple pics of SD and ODS together and we did "family" photos once towards the beginning. I think I'm in the minority that I didnt like my SD from the beginning, but foolishly thought I would grow to like her over time because she was only 4 at the time. 

Iamwoman's picture

Hey Jcksll, Don't believe social media photos. Research shows that well over 80% of people with super positive social media pages are not even remotely as happy as they'd like everyone to think.

That being said, I posted lots of skid photos in my first few years with DH. We were not as happy as the photos would appear.

I mainly posted them because the Maggot Queen was majorly pissing me off and I knew it annoyed her to see the photos and think her kids were (gasp) actually having fun with DH and I! Lol

Jcksjj's picture

That was actually my first thought was "oh, I bet shes trying to piss the BM off." Lol. And then I was like, maybe I'm just too jaded/bitter about steplife. I did look to see if the photos were public and they're not, so idk. Maybe the BF has BM on his still.

Either way, SD would never have happily posed for a picture with me, even in the beginning. And MIL would never in a million years comment something positive towards me on it. 

Eta: alright, curiosity got the better of me now and I creeped a bit. It appears theres 2 BMs, and the coworker is friends with the first one, not the second one, and BM1 does not like or comment on any of the posts despite obviously being able to see them. Yep, I bet its already tons of drama.

Simpleton21's picture

I thought dealing with one BM was bad enough...I couldn't imagine 2 to deal with...eff that!!!!

Jcksjj's picture

Right? I cringe hard enough when I see people on here have more than one skid; 2 skids AND 2 BMs? Nightmare.

Jcksjj's picture

Update: the person this post was about just announced that shes pregnant. 

All I can think is this girl doesnt know what lies ahead.