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Impulsive 8 year old step daughter?

Jahki_1993's picture

I needed a place to vent without being judged and came across this site. Well let me first start off by saying once upon a time I was once my step daughter's favorite person and once she began to live with her bio mother she has switched up on me and barely speaks to me anymore. 


I am pregnant with my first child and she recently came here to Ohio (she lives in Indiana with her mother) to visit for her summer break, she's 8 years old and still baby talks which I find very abnormal, she was here for three weeks and only took a shower 5 times out of the three weeks she was here because she doesn't like to bathe (her father thinks that it's normal), she wastes 80% of every dinner and her father still rewards her with dessert after she cries about it, and not to mention the night before she went back home she completely DESTROYED my baby's nursery she got slime and paint all in the carpet and on the my baby no longer has a nursery. I am pissed about that because it wasn't even her room to begin with. Not to mention she got the baby sitter in trouble with loss prevention for stealing a pack of fucking balloons, the babysitter repeatedly told her several times not to touch anything and I guess she turned her back for one sec and that's when she put the balloons in her pocket. 


There's a lot of things I'm leaving out about her but long story short she's very evil...I am afraid to even have her around my baby because she's the type who will pinch her when no one is I'm definitely going to be monitoring EVERY second she spends with this baby when she arrives. 


Just the thought of her puts me in a very bad mood and I'm not allowed to even discipline her because her mother told me that as long as she's alive, I shouldn't act like her mother since she already has one. What a bitch! So I do exactly just that. 




Kes's picture

You certainly ARE allowed to discipline in your own home, it doesn't matter what BM says. Where is your "wonderful" partner in all this?  He should be providing discipline and proper parenting, not reinforcing this child's anti social tendencies.  

Jahki_1993's picture

Thank you! And I agree, he should. He hates when I complain about her because he thinks always thinks I'm overreacting. So it's hard to even talk to him about her. 

Disneyfan's picture

Your bio says  that you are married  to a wonderful  man.  Wonderful  men do not allow their children  to behave  in the manner that you described. 

Your SD acts like this because  your "wonderful" is a useless  father.  Regardless  of what is allowed  to occur  in mom's home, dad should have made it crystal  clear what the expectations  are in his home.

If your wonderful  guy doesn't  man up and check his kid now, you will have hell on your hands when that girl hits her teens.

Winterglow's picture

Just WHY is your husband not parenting his daughter? Does he realize the damage he is doing to her by allowing her to run feral?

notarelative's picture

 the night before she went back home she completely DESTROYED my baby's nursery she got slime and paint all in the carpet and on the walls

This is NOT the action of an impulsive child. This is deliberate. Dad needs to clean and paint until the nursery is restored. 

Some counseling for dad is in order before SD returns. He is allowing his oldest to be feral, he is allowing BM to dictate what happens in his house, and he is destroying his current marriage.

 I shouldn't act like her mother since she already has one

Yes, you are not mother. You wouldn't allow your child to behave this way.  But, you are an adult in the house and just like the camp counselor, the bus driver, the teacher she needs to listen and be respectful  when you are supervising her. Her dad needs to reinforce that or he needs to find someone he will allow to be in charge while he is at work. 



Jahki_1993's picture

His BM calls herself "a dominant alpha woman" so she has a very bossy like personality. She lets being a general manager at Pizza Hut go to her head. But anyway I think she bullies him and he's afraid of her so he lets her think she runs the show. Other than that I do think he's a good person but if he continues to let her walk over him then I don't know how much longer I can do this. 

Disneyfan's picture

None of that matters.  He's using mom - a woman living in another state- to justify his CHOICE not to parent.  

You are blaming SD and BM for SD's behavior while giving dad a free pass.

STaround's picture

She is angry and likely jealous.   I think counseling is in order, for the girl, and a parenting class for your DH

Jahki_1993's picture

That's the thing. They think the kid is normal and they let her behavior slide because she does good in school. That's so fucking stupid to me (excuse the language) but I honestly believe they both need counseling. I'm pregnant right now with a baby girl and I will never raise my daughter into thinking this kind of behavior is okay. I plan on raising her completely different than how they're raising their daughter. 

STaround's picture

Many kids behave better at school, they feel home is safe, but I do think parenting class and counseling can help.

Any time I hear a parent of an infant say I will raise my kid differently, I roll my eyes.  You cannot tell the future.  


Harry's picture

Did the damage before she went back so nothing was done to her.  Hate to say this,  But your DH is a bad father. He does not parent his DD, lets her do what she wants.  There is your problem.  Unless DH changes and starts parenting his DD your life is only going to get worst.

Hope he does better with your child. 

ESMOD's picture

I'm also on the "your DH is a Lazy/Bad/Permissive parent".  He absolutely should be doing a better job with her.

It sounds like she is acting out also maybe a bit because she is jealous about the new baby coming.  Insecure possibly?

Some of the stuff you describe isn't totally abnormal for a child that age.. even the baby talk and stealing balloons.  Not saying they are the correct things for her to be doing..but saying that she wouldn't be the first child her age to do them..

I do think you are wrong by saying she is "EVIL".  She is a kid, most of what you describe is a kid acting out for attention with poor supervision and poor parenting. 

She is a young child dealing with jealousy, anxiety, lack of boundaries and insecurity.  Left unchecked and unparented.. her actions can escalate beyond just "bad" to reallly reallly bad and dangerous.

Of course, you should absolutely monitor your baby and her interraction.. but you also need to read your DH the riot act about parenting HIS child.