Privacy...having one hell of a time
The SKIDS came over this weekend. It was a disaster...yet again. again, I am taking one post at a time.
This time the issue is PRIVACY. My husband has 5 children (9 yrs old and under) who are all born within 5 years with the youngest two being twins that are 5.
I tend to try to at least "hide out" in my room because the children are feral. They CONSTANTLY ask me where there dad is. Which is fine, except its in rotation...which 5 of them. I finally decided to just stop responding.
The problem is that I hide out in my room but the oldest three all have phones... and are constantly making videos and recording. I come out of my room - one of them is recording me. I never know when I am being recorded. These are phones that my husbands gives them when they are here because there is no way to manage 5 screaming children for his attention and god forbid they want to ask me for anything.
I took one of the phones of the oldest kid to go through it because i noticed he was getting notification from someone and they were half naked girls. So i decided for the first time to go through the phones. My husband sees me and acts all pissed off and is like "Why are you going through their phones?" and I was like because they are in my house and I have a right to my privacy also they are getting weird things sent to them. He was like "oh okay, so everytime your kid goes to his dad I will go through his phone first" I told him sure, thats fine. Hes 8. Go through his phone. duh.
anyway, I feel like I am prisoner in my own home everytime they come here. I have no idea what to do. also there mom send sthe oldest two with watch phones that auto answer. FML.
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Comments
What are you getting from
What are you getting from this relationship that makes you stay?
Lots of people have 5 kids and manage them fine. The problem is that he isn't parenting them. He should be taking away phones for screaming for attention rather than handing them over as babysitting devices.
Yep. Agree with Tog.
Yep. Agree with Tog.
I'm the oldest of 6 (admittedly not born quite that close together) and my parents routinely got compliments on our behavior when we went out to restaurants. Our home operated like a well-oiled machine. I mean...we even had different colored hangers for our clothes (I was blue) so we could quickly see what belonged to us and take it upstairs to put away.
You're fighting an uphill battle with split custody and a disengaged dad...and those kids are right at some of the neediest ages. But kids wanting to interact with their dad aren't "clamoring" for his attention. They're bring kids. He could head it off at the pass by being proactive, setting some rules and expectations for the home, planning some activities...even some small chores.
Kids don't have to be fawned over or made the center of your world (we were very much aware that it was our parents' world and we were along for the ride...and still felt very much loved) but they also shouldn't be handed a phone and shoved off into some corner.
I do really feel for you. I "only" had three stepkids coming over for visitation and it still usually felt like too much. I also feel for the kids in this situation and don't much feel for the dad...it's time for him to step up and parent his kids and quit expecting Google and YouTube to do it.
I might need some advice on
I might need some advice on that! Mostly I just watch nanny 911. Lol. My kid is very well behaved he's just bored so I thought I was doing the right thing by getting involved with someone with 5 kids so he would have someone to play with without me having to adopt or have anymore myself. I would never had kids with this guy even if I wanted more.
Yep. Agree with Tog.
*dup
We found out after my SS left
We found out after my SS left that he voice recorded a conversation that DH and I were having with him to take back to his mom. When/if he comes to us again he will not be allowed his phone.
I agree with the other posters though- your husband isn't parenting, he isn't respectful of your space, he tries to play tit for tat- Why are you staying? These kids are young. You haven't even hit teenage years yet. It will only get worse.
It would be one thing if he tried, if you were a team working together but he works against you just as much as the kids do!
He needs to be on board
The phone thing is crazy, he's all out admitted they can have phones and do what they please on them? That's a big no. He should be checking the content of them all the time. In terms of recording you for any reason without your permission? The phone would have a hammer through it if ss did that here, no matter whether dad or mum bought it. He is totally undermining your right to privacy. If he won't accept that you're better off somewhere else
Nope. Dealbreaker. Being
Nope. Dealbreaker. Being recorded in my home just once, and I'd be out for good.
These kids should not be allowed electronic recording devices in your house.
RUN!!!
cliche but it is soooooo not worth it. How quickly lust turns to hate.
Thanks
Coming out of an abusive relationship I'm always wondering if I am over reacting. I value my privacy....this is really hard. The girls googled to watch a woman give birth. They are to young for that.
Electronics add a whole new
Electronics add a whole new dimension of hell to the blended experience. My SO can, at any time, even when we are driving in the car or on a date, or when he is sitting on the toilet, be contacted by BM1, her mother, BM2, and her mother. The kids can have Facetime open giving BM a front row seat to our lives. Before these devices, people didn't have to deal with this BS. And your DH, and my SO, are the "stars" of this shitshow and have 100% ability to control it. They are not "just caught in the middle" and are not powerless. If it goes on it's because they either don't want it to stop or they lack the courage to stop it.