BM admitted to me she doesn't want her kid full time...but wants to complain about what DSO allows her to do
I got drug into a BM/SD13 argument last nite.
It started with this innocent question to SD on facebook chat: Is BM getting you at school for braces appt? Gson11 is going at same time and it will take 2 or 3 hours. Let me know what BM is doing. That is all I said. Period. End of Question.
For those of you that don't know me...DSO full time custody for 4.5 years. I am disengaged but DSO doesn't get vacation time so he misses work, we miss money so I do handle daytime appts, but I try and keep BM in the loop and give her a chance to be a Mother....that won't happen again though.
Then I have BM accusing me of not letting SD go to her house after appt and SD accusing me of making her go to BMs instead of home to our house. Then I have BM complaining that DSO lets SD live with the BFF twins and SD is refusing to visit BM at all any more.
I told BM that while I don't agree with DSO allowing it, I have no say in it. I just organize things.
BM if you don't like what DSO is allowing, then you should go to court.
BM started asking me why go to court, what brought on her getting full custody....she just thinks SD should live with us and not BFF twins.
It escalated somewhat from there. I told BM I accept I'm raising someone elses child and BM gets offended I said that. Wait a minute BM...you don't want your kid full time but get offended other people bring up they are raising her for you?
BM then asked me who told me that shit that she didn't want her full time....I said you just said that when I said go to court to change the CO. That turned into, why can't SD live in my house any more, am I kicking her out like the SS'? I told BM no, but I'm under no obligation to keep kids in MY house, DSO is free to do what he wants if he doesn't like it.
BM must have been telling SD things like I didn't want SD to live there anymore and other shit, bc SD says she is never coming home again. But, I did tell SD that she is being selfish and there was no reason she couldn't just deal for 1 nite and spend time with her Mother.
I did txt and smooth it over with SD this morning. She knows how her Mother is, and I told her she is trying to cause a problem so I will kick you out...but you and I are good in my eyes.
This is why DSO doesn't interact with crazy BM and I know better, but she is always trashing us to everyone she knows that we don't allow SD to visit her or that we do this or that to keep SD away.
I was at my limit at that moment.
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Comments
1. Yes, I know to not talk to
1. Yes, I know to not talk to her. I never talk to her, have her blocked everywhere but cell bc my carrier charges to block txting. I was in a mood and needed to blow off steam so my bad for sure.
2. DSO can not make phone calls at work. He can take off and lose money. He worked 20hrs/week for 2 years and it cost me having to cover his share of the bills. I would rather be the driver than the sugar momma.
How did this poor kid get
How did this poor kid get stuck with two useless parents?
Exactly! What are these
Exactly! What are these parents going to do if she turns from the 4.0 good kid, into the rebellious teen.
DSO already knows my rules....no pregnant teens and once the stealing and BS starts, she is out the door with or without him.
You aren't 12... stay out of
You aren't 12... stay out of it.
And did you really think telling the bio mother that she "doesn't want her kids and you accept raising them" was not a highly inflammatory and crushing thing to say? True or not, that was a hit below the belt. You played dirty, so don't claim innocence now.
Not claiming innocence.
Not claiming innocence. Yes ma'am, I play dirty with low life people that want to have kids and then want no responsibility for them.
How can you stand to be with
How can you stand to be with a man who won't parent his kid? Her friends'parents must think all of you are nuts. To be honest, I'm surprised no one has called CPS yet.
How can I be with him? Well,
How can I be with him? Well, I guess it comes down to I don't need him for a Daddy. I don't like how my DS and DIL parent either, but that doesn't mean I would get rid of them.
Why would CPS be called? She isn't neglected or in danger.
"Why would CPS be
"Why would CPS be called?"
Based on the amount of time she spends with the other her family. If she's pretty much living there instead of at home, it MAY be viewed as neglect. That could land the kid in foster care.
BM has never been told no to
BM has never been told no to access. SD used to spend every day out of school with her, so something has happened to cause a major problem with them. SD won't talk. I also cut contact with BM a year ago, I just lost my cool.
I should also say that BM punched SD in the face and that is how she lost custody, so do you force SD to go, knowing she will have an attitude, possibily getting into an argument which could lead to a physical altercation.
I agree with the forcing SD
I agree with the forcing SD to go. She will be 14 in 2 months, so the judge will listen to her. Throw in the abuse/neglect charge and it really is up to BM to get her act together and be the adult and work on it. I tried telling BM this a long time ago, but she knows how to be a Mother
I have told SD that she needs to talk. I honestly have tried everything I could think of bc I think a young girl needs her Mother, even if its only 2 days a week. I see by cell logs, that BM will go days and not contact SD. If it were me? I would text every day, I would try and do everything in my power to build my rship with my girl...except bullying her.
Really, me just doing what needs handled is the only way I can keep my sanity in this situation.
The courts really wanted to
The courts really wanted to take BMs rights away when they placed skids with DSO permanently. DSO didn't want to do that to their Mother.
That is why the SS' don't live in my house. YSS was busting windows and holes in the walls and after 2 years of him destroying my home, I said that he either lived with BM or DSO could get his own place. Within 6 months, BM called the cops on YSS so much, they had to take him and place him in custody of state.
SD is about having a life. BM recently got disability of 600/month, before that had no income and lived like a homeless person, living with her stepdad. BM never let skids play sports or do extras. BM never had money to take them to a movie, just go to a mall, go do anything. SD doesn't even have her own bedroom at BMs, shares a bed with BM, so SD has nowhere to go and get away from her to just calm down.
WE aren't rich but at our house SD has her own room with a TV (old console model), she has an android tablet, a crappy cell phone, clothes that she picks out but not all brand name, DSO got her clarinet for band and she played softball. SD just wants to be a normal kid, not a poor, white trash hoodrat.
First off.....my former name
First off.....my former name is Bearcub25. I feel like a few long time posters are giving me the Freshman Hazing course. BTDT and refuse to put up with crap from a woman that pushes a has kids, then expects someone else to raise and support her kid(s). There used to be 3 of them but the SS' went to juvie and out of my home.
Thank you Ditzy. I was blindsided by the 'where is she going and BM getting pissy.' Then I was floored she admitted she didn't want SD full time, only when it was convenient for her.
I am raising someone else's kid and I accept that. A true statement and sentiment. I'm sorry if BM can't handle hearing the truth but what else do you call it?
I heart you.
I heart you.
I have zero problem letting
I have zero problem letting BM know I am rasing her kid. Are we supposed to pretend we aren't???? If the parenting shoe fits, wear it BM.