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We have facial hair and are the same height

ITB2012's picture

In an attempt to slow-walk DH into a way to connect with OSS I casually asked in a conversation what were some things DH thought he and OSS had in common. Facial hair and height were all he could come up with, even after I waited and finally asked if he had anything more. (We were not talking about physical traits so it wasn't just part of an existing topic.)

It took pulling to get anything else and asking if there wer hobbies and interests. And there ain't much. I just don't think DH knows how to create a relationship or make the effort to create it.

 

Comments

tog redux's picture

Well, his relationship with OSS is his responsibility, not yours - if he wants a postive relationship, he'll figure out how to build one.

GrudgingSM's picture

Attempting to fix what I didn't break. And like, this is true for lots of people. You know what I don't care about? Video games. But do I listen every time DS or SS talk about them? ABSOLUTELY.  It doesn't have to be a common interest, you just have to ask questions and listen. But I agree with comments above: that's DH's job. I can't seem to stop from commenting on stuff like that, but I do my best to say "hey I see this dynamic or this thing" and then let him address it or not. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Does your DH have difficulty expressing emotion and engaging with others? I have one of those.

From what you've recently shared, it seems as if he prefers to not get too deep on any topic. This makes me wonder about childhood trauma, abuse, or emotional neglect. Any of these might hinder your DH in forming and maintaining healthy relationships.

ITB2012's picture

He can express he feels bad about something someone else did to him if he thinks he's completely in the right but if it might be him having to experience bad emotions he won't do it. 

I wasn't trying to fix, but yes I was trying to help just give him a base to start. Wasn't gonna hold the conversation for him or make it happen. Without his own insight or the help of a therapist we are getting close to me needing to tell him that OSS as a topic is off limits because I don't need to listen to the same worry over and over with no introspection or effort from either of them.