Update to different in talking to kids vs skids
When I got home I talked with DS and he definitely is feeling picked on and mentioned a time I hadn't even thought was a time he was singled out. It was lack of inclusion but it stung, apparently.
My personal opinion is that DH does get upset when he looks at DS because DS is very similar to how DH was in HS, and his own kids are not and I think that stings. However, that's no reason to be pissy.
I decided to ask DH if he had thought about what I said this morning. He asked if anyone had noticed (of course, not enough for me to notice), and I said yes and to remember that even if it's just DS telling me that all three kids talk and so they compare notes. (They are pretty tight, which is nice.) I also reminded DH of when there was an issue with OSS and something was supposed to happen but it went a bit wrong and I apologized to OSS (did not mention that I basically was apologizing for DH, but whatever). And that DH does not ever apologize to DS, possibly to the skids but never to DS.
DH asked if I thought he needed to apologize to DS. I said, well, you know I'm the one who's tougher on the kids so if I think it warrants an apology, it's probably way past what I would do.
He actually apologized to DS while I was in the room. We shall see if that helps anything. I think DS does want to have a good relationship with DH but can't because of how DH reacts to things with his own kids and his own feelings about things.
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So DS is not DHs bio? I
So DS is not DHs bio? I thought from the last post DH was the bio dad to the skids(obvs) and DS.
Sorry BS and DS are confusing
I was using BS and someone thought I meant he was a bio of me and DH, so I started using DS. DS is mine only, the oldest (by months).
It's funny.. when my YSD was
It's funny.. when my YSD was younger she told us that "It's ok when your parents fuss at you because that's how you know they care and love you" Because she understood that the fussing was trying to teach them to do the right thing.
And.. sometimes the better kids actually get fussed at MORE than the ones that are not so great. I know for a fact that we were probably a little harder and spent more time "correcting and guiding" my YSD than we did on her "Knows it all" older sister. The reason was that YSD really has potential to go far in life. Not small town, small job, small family but big time. Not that there is anything wrong with someone who WANTS a "small simple life" but she wants to travel the world.. explore and experience and wants to learn and grow. So... we would be harder on YSD because derailment for HER was a bigger risk.. because she has bigger dreams at stake.
Her older sister got pregnant at 22.. now married in a semi-miserable way.. working a low level county job. But she knew it all.. she went so CC out of HS got pell grants and proceeded to not attend class and spend the money on clothes...Her dad tried to encourage her.. but she "knew better". Oh well.. she is living the life she created.
YSD? Well.. she graduated early.. went to work and has been also taking college courses online every semester. Just got a promotion and will make over 50K a year...she just turned 21. But she learned to work hard.. show up on time.. be reliable and responsible. Is she perfect? no.. but she is still on track to do great things. So.. we may have been a little harder on her.. but we knew she was capable of more... and weren't going to let her cheat herself.
Do you think that could factor in? your DH expects more from SS because SS has more potential in his eyes?
I think it's jealousy
Jealousy and competition. DH is very competitive and seems to be fairly insecure so anything and everything is a challenge against him.
I think he is jealous my son is doing things that he, DH, did in HS and that his kids are not. I think he is competitive when he asks questions of the skids in front of DS where DS would come out looking worst out of them all.
They are very different so other than complying with basic hygiene and house rules it's hard to (meaning: that we shouldn't) compare them to each other.
And if fussing is key then DS would tell you his mom is setting him on the path to be wildy successful.