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The revisionist does it with things this small and this petty

ITB2012's picture

After a previous post about my DH revising history to make it better for himself and the skids, I'm thinking I might have to nickname him The Revisionist.

I realize the next two scenarios are small and petty. No one is upset about them. And we are not playing tit-for-tat. It's just an example of the pervasiveness of his revisionism and denial.


YSS gets up from the table and takes his dishes.

I get up from the table and take my dishes. I rinse my dishes and put them in the dishwasher.

The Revisionist gets up from the table and takes his dishes. He opens the dishwasher and sees a plate with globs of food. He pulls it out to rinse it.

[Back story: The Revisionist has a history of being annoyed if dishes went un-rinsed when all three boys were around and usually pinned it on DS ---not always unfairly as DS also did not do it consistently.]

Me (blandly): Looks like YSS isn't rinsing his dishes again. [Assuming incorrectly that The Revisionist is still unhappy about unrinsed dishes.]

The Revisionist: I don't know whose it is, I just want to make sure the dishes are rinsed.

Me: Really? You heard me running water and you know I'm a neat freak, the boys all have a history of not rinsing, but you are unsure who put an unrinsed plate in the dishwasher? [And when it's just me and The Revisionist dishes are rinsed.]

The Revisionist: Well, I didn't see you.

Me: [giving up and walking away, but wondering if karma has time for something this silly]



Later that night The Revisionist said YSS had already had dessert, but he's gonna have some and did I want some, too? Sure. The Revisionist eats his dessert at the counter near the dishwasher. We chat while eating. I finish first and he watches as I rinse my dish. I open the dishwasher and put my bowl in, then I pull out a bowl with big globs of dessert in it and without saying a word about it I set it next to him. I walk away.

Amazingly I hear The Revisionist go get YSS to have him rinse it properly.



advice.only2's picture

Ahh the good ol tried and true "Well I didn't see..." tactic. A surefire way for DPs (Disney Parents) to play ignorant of their precious snowflakes, because unless and until they actually see the behaviour it doesn't exist. That is until the kid does it right in front of them and then they face plant into the ground in an attempt to Ostrich from their child's actions.

ITB2012's picture

totally negating what SM said and has shown bioparent as hard, cold fact/evidence.

Oh, and don't think that they see it even when it's done right in front of them. The Revisionist would say he didn't see it then, either. Anything to make sure there's an excuse.

ntm's picture

Because they don’t want to see or hear, because then they’ll actually have to parent instead of leaving it to the wicked SM. 

Aniki's picture

The Revisionist: I don't know whose it is, I just want to make sure the dishes are rinsed.

The Revisionist is being deliberately obtuse. I'm beeyotch enough that I would buy some paper plates. For MYSELF. Then The Revisionist would get it through his fat head that any glob-ridden dishes in the dishwasher are the result of the poltergeist you obviously have in your home...

MurphysLaw's picture

You’re way nicer than me Aniki, cause I would never rinse another plate, cup or saucer ever again.

Id throw the plate in with a half eaten ham sandwich & dill pickle still sticking to the plate.

Aniki's picture

I like the way you think, Murph! I neglected to say that I would not be partaking of any meals with skids and The Reprehensiblist er, Revisionist until he got over his idiotic Non-Pop phase.

Lollybobs's picture

That phrase is like red rag to a bull for me! Whether it's being applied to skids or SM, either way it means SM must be a liar. How stupid are some of these daddies...

ntm's picture

I didn’t see it, I didn’t hear it and I believe FREAKING TEENAGERS are FREAKING telling the truth over MY WIFE. Step marriage is death by a thousand paper cuts. 

oneoffour's picture

I have thought about this long and hard and have come to this conclusion. When you see the same thing over and over again it becomes part of your experience. Let's take the rinsed dishes thing. You always rinse. His sons don't. So Capt O. sees you rinse but he does not see his sons rinse because that is normal. It is almost like it is invisible. And what worked between your 2 situations? Taking the bowl out and leaving it beside him on the bench. No words. When you did say something you got a snippy response. When you said nothing he noticed.

This worked in the Sock Cold War in our hose back in the day. Socks were everywhere. I complained, DH told SSs, they did nothing. Rinse and repeat. When my son came to live with us at 15 yrs old He did the same thing, DH was quick to point out he didn't pick up his socks. DH had DS Sock Blindness but not SS Sock Blindness. I talked to him but "I didn't see their socks." was a common end to the converstation. So I got after my son in private to pick up his socks. DH did nothing about his boys socks. So I picked them up and put them in a plastic shopping bag. When the bag was full I placed it on the passenger seat in DHs car with this note... If your sons are looking for socks these just need washing. I found them in the living room, bathroom and kitchen and hallway. I have not gone into their room to collect them. As you can see they need washing. I do not wash anything not in a hamper in the laundry.. Have a great day ... OOF" OK it was a hot summer day and I MAY have left the stinky bag on the back seat. So by the time he got out of work it was rather smelly. But it proved my point. If he had Sock Blindness in the house then he would not have Sock Blindness in the car. He ended up huffing and puffing and washing them himself. And then matched them. Not my job.

In the end he got after his sons for leaving them lying around and things quietened down for a while.

Right now your DH has SS Bowl Blindness. It is curable. Less wordsm more in-yer-face action. The *insert item* Blindness Syndrome is reversable by sneaky means. Like taking the dirty bowl out of the dishwasher while talking and put it right next to DH. If he EVER suggests you wash it out just eye ball him and say "You want me to clean up after a fully functioning near adult? Not happening unless he is disabled." And walk away.

Take pride in your position at top of the heap, let DH tink he reigns but let's be honest, it really is us.

ITB2012's picture

I've done some similar things. It's exhausting though because there are so many, many times/ways these situations occur.