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O/T and On Topic Ranting

ITB2012's picture

Off-topic: I'm really steamed at my coworkers. With the WFH mandate now they can ignore me and put stuff off even more easily and readily. I can give dates and deadlines and still no one pays attention until the last minute. And they just drop offline and I cannot get a hold of them to complete something. It stems from my boss, too. Ugh. She had something for days and didn't look at it until the night before it was supposed to be submitted to an outside agency and then held a meeting to go over the changes that morning, still wanted more changes, and imported it into and did edits in a tool I explicitly asked her not to use as it screws the formatting on the way back out and I have to turn in the source file to the agency, too. F- me. But when it's other deadlines I'm supposed to just suck it up and be on call basically 24/7 to get their shit done. And, I'm sorry, but I think the fact my stuff is for compliance to regulations that it's more important in the grand scheme of things. I have all the responsibility and none of the authority.

On a related note I was telling DH about this since it just occurred yesterday. I get that he may not want to listen to it but I really needed to vent and I told him so. He kept telling me it was late and he wanted to go to bed (but we'd stayed up other nights watching movies, hm). Then DS came home. DS had gone out to do one thing with one friend following the social distancing parameters but he was gone longer than we expected. And now DH wanted me to stay up and talk to DS about that and why it was a problem for x, y, and z reasons. I told DH that those are his issues and he can address them with DS and now that there's something he, DH, wants done it's okay to stay up when seconds ago he just wanted to go to bed? Screw that noise. You want me to have all the responsibility here, too? You don't want to be the bad guy. I get that DS is my kid but he's an adult and this is DHs house, too, and it seems to be affecting DH so he can say something (which I've always encouraged but it's never been that way for me and the skids per DHs "rules"). I made some of my own statements to DS and told both of them that I cannot be the only one in the house responsible for monitoring and maintaining the rules for this quarantine. (DS definitely understands I'd let him be homeless if he plays fast and loose with the pandemic rules.) They are both adults, they know what to do, and they can talk together about if if there's a problem. I cannot also be responsible for all three people here. I walked away. DH tried to follow. I told him to get his ass back in there and have the discussion he wants to have with DS. It's not my job and he doesn't get to think that what I said is his way out of this.

And speaking of skids. This morning DH said that he and DS talked. One of the points was whether DS could go to his dads (XH has been sick with pneumonia and DS hasn't seen him in at least three weeks). And DH said that he and DS discussed a rotating schedule (like a few weeks a piece at each place) to keep infection rates down, but that DH is okay with that since he knows XH is taking things seriously and DS is a very clean person. Unlike his sons. I nearly fell over. DH said that, not me. DH asked me if I agreed. I nodded. He said that given what slobs they are and how bad they are at hygiene he thinks they could have it and that they'd likely transfer it to us, that having two extra people around would be difficult, and that he doesn't think he could get them to be clean enough. That face it, his kids are unclean. I just kept hmmmm-ing. But I couldn't stop my smile. DH asked why I was smiling. I said I'm surprised to hear him be so realistic about his own children and I cannot help but remind him that these are all things I said for a long time and he got upset with me and excused them and it's something they could have been taught/forced to do so it became habit and now look at the repercussions. DH agreed. Again I nearly fell over.

A little bit of self-centered preservation on DHs part is bringing out some truths. Go figure.


futurobrillante99's picture

All good news except the part about your son going to his dad's house as his dad is recovering from pneumonia. That's very risky. Your son could give him the virus and it would do your XH in. He should stay with you guys and I wouldn't trust him to hang out with his friends "following the guidelines." These young people have been notoriously thumbing their noses at the guidelines and you can't account for where his friends have been and what they've been doing. I'll bet some of them have siblings who have just gotten home from spring break, too.

ITB2012's picture

DS left a while ago while XH was in the middle of it. XH has been better for over a week.

XH and I have DS on notice that he will be homeless if he thwarts the rules, and I taught DS from an early age that I never threaten, what I say is a promise. I have never made a statement I cannot implement. The point about his friends is valid and I have thoroughly vetted the situation and seriousness with which the other two families are taking this crisis. They do not get together except outside, they do not ride together, they stay apart the recommended distance, etc. And we are taking the changes in the rules in our city/county/state/country into account and modifying what he's allowed to do.

We have a check-in with neighbors at an appointed time each day and we all stand apart from each other but we gather. Frankly I'm more worried about that than what DS is doing. (Several older neighbors we like to make sure we get eyeballs on and one neighbor in the medical profession, so people who I'm worried about carrying or dying from it.)

Iamwoman's picture

ITB2012, your first paragraph could have been written by my husband. His coworkers are trying to get away with less work during this pandemic as well. He also finds it incredibly stressful to deal with lazy remote coworkers.

I've worked virtually/remotely since 2008 on and off (8 years total). I love it and am more productive remotely. However, a few coworkers who tried remote work (several years ago) and quit to back to a brick and mortar job, told me that they simply cannot motivate themselves to stay on task and do work unless they are forced to leave their house and work in an office under the watchful eye of a supervisor.

This type of mentality is too bad, because these types are making it impossible for some of us to advocate for more remote days. So I definitely feel your stress too.

I'd glad you're DH is being reasonable and realistic with the threat of germs.

I hope when this is all over, more of us can work remotely more often.

I truly love it, and because so many are struggling with being around their children and spouses for such a long period time, I haven't mentioned this either, but... DH and I very much love all of our extra time together. We are office buddies now, and enjoying this time with each other and DD17 too. It sounds like your situation is similar.

It just saddens me that so many people are finding out they are actually quite unhappy being around their families.

ITB2012's picture

is which HR department do we call if we have a workplace romance or we feel that our office mate is being creepy. It's been fine, actually. DH and I are in separate rooms, we both focus during the day on our jobs. The only pressure is after work is over. I still have a class to complete and a side contract to work on that means more sitting at the computer. DH is ready to do stuff and wants someone to do it with. And my mom is going stir crazy and wants me to teach 3-4 workout classes a week for her and family. It sounds silly in this situation but I don't have time!

Sometimes I wish that rather than send DS to XHs, that XH comes here and I get three weeks to myself at his place. I'd be perfectly fine all alone. Ooh, then I have my mom come here and I stay at her place. Hm. I could get a month and a half alone if I work this correctly.

ITB2012's picture

DH likes that DS cooks. DS eats a ton of food (I swear he's gonna grow again in his 20s) and makes a lot of dirty dishes. BUT. He does wash dishes. And there have been nights when we are done working and DS has dinner all ready to go. And it's not just "I ordered pizza" or burgers or spaghetti, but stuff like homemade ratatouille and fish with barley risotto. I'm guessing DH doesn't want to give that up because he knows I just don't need a cooked meal. I would live on cookies and fruit if it was just me.