Had my first session with my old therapist (about a decade and a half have passed!). It was interesting that while I was bitching about things (which I warned her was what I needed to do since I don't have anyone IRL I can do that with), that I started crying when I said this: "I wish I had a better relationship with my skids." Not about my frustrations with DH, not about foibles and lack of parenting. I'm more upset about my lack of relationship with the skids than my crappy relationship with DH.

After getting re-messaged when actually asked to say something to getting hassled about not talking to them, to getting told that he will take care of parenting them and I'm not to say anything, it's been hellacious. In disengaging I've also become mute since I barely know when they'll even be around, what they are doing, and because there's always something wrong with what I say (or don't say).

That, in fact, came up this morning. Remember when I said that me not saying a word about Netflix would come back to bite me? Yup. According to DH, OSS is hurt I didn't talk to him or look at him when he came to ask. And DH is upset that I didn't stay for the conversation and that OSS's feelings are hurt. Hells bells. I told DH that I've learned (and I gave examples) that I'm damned if I do talk and damned if I don't and there's less damning if I stay mute, so I did. I don't even care if OSS has it on his phone. He's a good kid, he gets decent grades, doesn't get in trouble. But I've been told things aren't my call, so what the #(*@&$, why be upset I step out?

And yet I like my skids. Things are pretty calm when DH isn't around. They are enjoyable to talk to and know some interesting stuff.