And no one is surprised...
...DH went with YSS to do an outdoor activity with the equipment this weekend and he never mentioned once going with me all weekend. (To catch up people who didn't see my last post on this, I came home to DH getting some outdoor equipment ready and asked if it was for he and YSS to do something this weekend and he said no, it was for he and I to do it.) I had three things scheduled for the weekend. None of which prevented me from doing the outdoor activity.
You will say I could have mentioned it. Yes, I could have. BUT, he is the one who said it was for us to do. He is the one who initiated it by saying that it was something he was setting up for us to do. And, it is like all things: if I don't make it happen, it doesn't happen--but he always has his "good intentions" to fall back on. I even made a deal with him lately because of this sort of behavior where the person who says "hey let's do X at Y time" is the one who has to keep track and make it happen, because he doesn't follow through or keep track and when I finally say something (or don't say anything at all and it doesn't happen), he's always got the excuse that I seemed busy and he didn't want to bother me. Which is total BS. He ALWAYS has a reason (excuse) that he's the nice guy. Actually to really make me the bad guy he could have asked and let me say no, then I really would have been the one to rain on the parade.
What I want to do is yell at him. WTF?! Why lie? Why make shit up when I guessed/said the actual intention you had without any animosity? It doesn't feel good to be strung along, even when I know that's what is happening. Then I'm just insulted that it's assumed I'm that gullible and stupid.
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Do say that to him. Just don
Do say that to him. Just don’t yell.
Why lie? Why make shit up
Why lie? Why make shit up when I guessed/said the actual intention you had without any animosity? It doesn't feel good to be strung along, even when I know that's what is happening. Then I'm just insulted that it's assumed I'm that gullible and stupid.
He strings you along because you allow him too. He lies to you time and time again and you don't call him out on it until after the fact. You're not stupid but you allow him to get away with sh!t and don't make a big enough deal for him to understand that you are done with his constant gaslighting.
Do you think that perhaps SS
Do you think that perhaps SS was the one who prompted the activity because he saw it was set up? Maybe your DH does need someone to be the impetus?
Over the years
if I ask DH to do something he drags his heels. If the skids ask he jumps to it. It could be that he needs the impetus but it’s mostly his own. He will jump for others, then DS sometimes, then rarely me.
I appreciate the advice to tell him
But if he is a narcissist then no amount of loudly or quietly telling him how I feel is gonna do a damn thing. And it doesn’t matter if I do it in the moment or try to have a rational discussion afterward. He cannot take “being wrong” and the whole conversation spirals and meanders.
Im tired. I posted about it here because I want to vent but it’s not worth saying anything to him about it.
Big question I have is
You know your DH does not respect you, you know your HD does what he wants with out telling you anything
you know your DH does not hear you if he does not want to, Once again there no respect to you.
SO why are you think anything different will happen ? Why do you seek out normal thing out of DH ? The writhing is on the wall for you to see. DH will do what he wants, he will tell you anything to get you to back away from him when he wants, if he wants to do something with his DS without you, he will do what he wants with out think of you.
You have to decide if this is the way you want go live ? If you do then just except it. Don’t vent about it. Because it was lol not change. If not make planes not to live that way. Make your own plans for the weekend with out DH
Start making plans with your
Start making plans with your male friends or coworkers. That'll get his attention. You'd be surprised at how Jealousy can work wonders on a relationship.
Or try counseling. He may be more likely to listen to a counselor than you. Blows my mind that these men won't listen to us women but will listen to and follow the advice if it comes from a counselor, even if we've been telling them the exact same thing the counselor is saying for MONTHS.