Withdrawing big time
This is my first blog..
So my partner and I both have 4 year old sons. His son has been nasty to my son from the beginning...enough so that we had to start almost completely separating them because I was feeling very protective of my own son. This behavior completely ruined a family trip we all took together about 4 months ago. Since then I haven't seen much improvement even though my partner swears hes "working with him ". I haven't been receptive to putting the kids together since because I dont feel it's fair to use my son as a Guinea pig to correct the discipline of his son. About a month ago we were celebrating his sons birthday just at home and his son was being completely nasty to my son the entire night. I had enough. My partner yelled at his son and put him in time out but it was just awful and I felt so bad for my son he was totally confused and thought he had done something wrong.
Everytime my partner and I talk about this it ends up with me as the bad guy and he makes me feel like I'm heartless because I dont want to be around his son. I've told him I dont think its fair that I put any work into a relationship with his son if I'm not seeing any effort on my partners part to fix the situation for all of us. I feel like a prisoner in my own house when his son is here like I have to hide because I dont feel safe being with them, since time has told me I am the enemy.
I'm feeling really lost. I'm not sure what to do or how to get passed this unless hes actually showing some results. Its hurting our relationship. I spent a long time displacing my anger at his son but now I'm realizing I'm really mad at my partner for not addressing this for so long that now I've gotten to the point that I dont feel comfortable in my own house when his son is here and I dont want to be around them at all.
We have very difficult ex-spouses, but In my eyes my son has had the exact same struggle as his with this separation and I've put a ton of work and time into making him feel safe and to not act out at others or at least when he does to discuss it with him so he understands why. And noones helped me with all that I did it on my own even while we were together. So for me I see no excuses to letting this get so bad. Help...