You are here


IslandGal's picture

Well. After going back and forth like a yoyo in my relationship, I have decided to finally just end it. I feel relieved, sad and a little anxious – but also happy. I’ve realised that SO just isn’t the man for me. It took 5 years for me to finally get it.

The dramas that we went through during the first couple of years, was something I thought I could handle, as long as we had eachothers back. After counselling and believing that we were on the same page, I hoped that he would learn to cherish me the way I did him.

I didn’t count on the gaslighting (learnt that term here) and the manipulations. I didn’t count on the passive aggressiveness that he became so good at, that I thought I was losing my mind at one stage. He became so damn good at pushing my buttons until he got the reaction he wanted. Me absolutely furious and going off at him. He would then stare at me with wide eyes asking what on earth was WRONG with me.

This man has been damaged by his ex. He has told me that he doesn’t trust me with our future and will never trust me with finances. Even though I have never given him reason not to. This is all due to his ex who took him for everything and left him with an enormous debt. Therefore, in his eye, all women are tainted and never to be trusted. My love for him will never be enough for him to have faith in me.

I learnt that he has his priorities and responsibilities backwards and have now accepted this. His #1 priority will always be his kids, then his mother, then .. I can’t remember the last time he took me out on a date or was even romantic with me. He treated me like the child and his Son like his partner. This was clear when I asked him what we were doing this Valentines Day and his answer was “do I have SS14?”.

Last Valentines Day we spent together was in 2015 when I shouted him to a comedy show with dinner. It was his turn in 2016 but I lost my niece on Valentines Day and had to fly to her funeral overseas. I got stuck in a cat-5 cyclone and my return trip home was delayed by 3 days. I caught a cab home from the airport. I rang the doorbell and he opened the door and called out “Moms home” to my Son, without giving me a welcome hug home, until I went up to him. That still hurts me today.

The constant bickering and nit picking. The smart ass comments and hurtful barbs. The fact that I was beginning to feel that I couldn’t do anything right.

I realised I had enough. I am an independent woman who have never needed to be supported by anyone. Why was I putting up with this? What was I worried about? I would rather live my life single and happy, then be in a relationship where I was constantly tense and stressed out. I am 52 – not 92 and am STRONG. Why the hell am I still putting up with all this crap?

I'm going to be starting from scratch and it's a scary feeling but I will make it work. I have a full-time job and will sleep on a mattress on the floor until I can furnish our home - but rather that than live like this.

So, I’m not going to anymore. I’m going to move out and start a new adventure. I’m going to re-discover myself and explore different things that I’ve never thought about doing before.

I choose FREEDOM!


NeedaFunDay's picture

Good. Glad you're taking care of you for a change. That man obviously doesn't see you as a priority and never will. Time to move on! You go, girl!

BethAnne's picture

You're going to rediscover how to have fun and have an amazing adventure that you are choosing for yourself. I wish you the best of luck. You've got this!

Acratopotes's picture

oh no... does this mean you are saying good bey to us as well???

Hon as long as you and the kid are happy, no one really cares about furniture, it will be like camping out and allot of fun, and yes it might hurt now for a while, but it's not because of the man you have lost, it's because of the years you wasted on this man.... you are an awesome lady and you will get through this...

enjoy your adventure...

zerostepdrama's picture

Congratulations on being strong and doing what is best to make you happy and to have the best life!

Best of luck to you while you go through this. We will be here for you!

Gimlet's picture

I'm happy for you Island Gal. It takes a lot of strength to make the decision you are making.

I do hope you stick around. I think it can be really beneficial to get opinions from the other side.

I can't wait to hear about your new adventures! I know this hurts, but it's going to keep getting smaller and smaller in your rear view mirror.

hereiam's picture

This is great news. Not that your SO is a jerk but that you are not putting up with it anymore.

Tuff Noogies's picture

that's a good question. it's quite possible he's always been this way.

but, meh, it's neither here nor there as OP has chosen to no longer live this way. good luck, OP. i made that decision to walk away from my verbally and emotionally abusive ex, with hardly anything to take with me. best decision of my life.

Aniki's picture

I'm happy for you IslandGal!! Taking those steps is not easy. I'm certain your next adventure will be wonderful. I hope you plan to stick around! {{{hugs}}}

CLove's picture

A heartfelt congratulations to you for striking out on your own. When someone disrespects you, they are taking pieces of you away, and you deserve to be appreciated and with someone who will be supportive and build you up instead of tearing you down!!

Great job, and good luck - please keep us posted!

IslandGal's picture

You guys rock!! Seriously! Im forging ahead with my plans. He's trying to talk now he sees I'm serious but I'm not backing down. Im getting more and more excited about doing new things. I know I'm worth more and I hate being here..and you can bet I'll still be here on STalk..the support and encouragement from everyone is too valuable to me to just leave..not to mention the many times comments on here has made me cry from laughing.

I cant wait to be boss of my life! Yayyyy!!!