Over indulged SD....I have no voice
I'm hoping someone can help me figure out how I should handle my spoiled SD. My DH does not see the way she manipulates him and always gets what she wants from him and her BM. I have been married to my DH for 3 years, I love him very much and he is wonderful to me and my BC (I have a daughter and a son from a previous marriage). Together we have 4 children, SD (15), SS (14), BD (13) and BS (10). My husband works very hard and provides a very comfortable life for us all, including BM. But we are completely maxed out financially. Much because we give too much. Over the past year I have seen my SD turn into nothing less than a spoiled brat. She is kind and usually respectfully to me personally, so I'm very fortunate in that. She treats everyone else in the family like crap, especially DH, who does EVERYTHING for her. She shows him zero respect and expects him to jump when she needs or wants something. If he tries to disipline her, she throws a fit, berates him or turns on the tears for sympathy...he always gives in. She tells him what she's going to do and expects us to all accomodate her schedule or else she is a terror to deal with. She is lazy and doesn't lift a finger to help around the house in any way. She is a slob, doesn't take care of anything we buy for her....clothes, jewerly, electronics, etc. She doesn't respect anyone else's belongings either, taking anything she wants and if it's lost or broken by her she takes no responsibility whatsoever for doing so. She is failing miserably in school (this is her freshman year of high school). I have not seen her crack a book or put forth any effort into her grades, just lazy. She has always done well in school until now, I suspect because it has been fairly easy up until now. Which leads me to the biggest challenge I have faced so far as a SM. SHE has decided she needs to go to a private school, to help her get into college and succeed. My DH and BM feel she is "struggling" at her current public high school (which is wonderful BTW) and sending her to this private school will help her get her act together. I DO NOT agree with them AT ALL! This school has a price tag of about $20K/yr. All our other children go to the public school and my DH said he would find a way to send all of them to the private school if they want to go. He claims he desperately wants to help her and he thinks this is the solution. I have told him how I feel about it. I think she needs a swift kick in the ass and some very clear expectations, not another gift of private school we cannot afford. He listens to me and is respectful of my opinion, but says he knows his child better than I do and he needs to do what he feels is right for her. He wants my support on his decision, I just can't do it. It is tearing me up inside, because I know deep down this is not the solution. Please help me!!!!