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Friend's new baby

Ineedadoover's picture

Today, my best friend had her new baby boy. I was there the whole time, witnessed the delivery, cried at his birth, sang to him, took pictures, the whole nine. He is perfect, and tiny and amazing. I kind of want to go back to the hospital just to cuddle with him.

Then there's this little tiny part of me that is jealous. DH and I are infertile (undiagnosed, we haven't seen a doctor for it) and I want it to be our turn. I want the big belly and the food cravings. I want the shopping and preparations. I want the labor and delivery and nurses catering to me. I want a sweet little baby to hold and cuddle. I want to see the look in DH's eyes, especially since he wasn't there to see SS born (BM is an idiotic twat who didn't call DH to tell him she was in labor -he was at work- even though they lived together and he was supporting her fully) and didn't get the full experience of doctor's appointments, ultrasounds, and birth the first time around.

I think we need to stop dancing around the subject and see a doctor. I think he's afraid to find out bad news even though we both want another child. I'm going to, as gently as possible, tell him that it's time to get serious. I want a new baby!


Flying.Purple.Step.Monster's picture

Well you can always start with you... you can go get yourself checked out without needing input from him. This can start with just your regular OB/Gyn.

Are you having regular cycles? If not then there are a few relatively simple things that can start with.

Justme54's picture

Endometriosis is very common. Many times women have no side effects and there is no way to test for it. If your DH's sperm count is good. I would go to an infertility specialist. My sister had it. After she had laser surgery. she had a baby 14 months later. Then she gave birth to 2 more babies over the next 4 years.

I also had it. I did not know I had it until I got my tubes tied. My doctor told me, I can not believe you are NOT in pain. It was so bad my uterus was tilted and I had attachment to my bowels.

I never had children. I stayed single too before I remarried. I did not want children. However, I later had a lot of pain over time. I had laser surgery. Then, I was pain free.

z3girl's picture

Like the others wrote, go see a doctor. There's no need to wait. I battled infertility for 4 years. 99% of the time I handled all the doctors and appointments myself. I have slight PCOS, but the main factor was that DH has a low count. (no problems conceiving SD...go figure)

I'm due with our third boy in a couple weeks. My DH has NEVER been involved in my pregnancies. Never went to doctor appointments and does the bare minimum to prepare. He wanted this baby badly (and our others)...just shows it oddly. He has no interest in birth, or even the care for a newborn. He enjoys the kids once they're like a year old and really have personalities. It's not what I hoped for in a partner, but I never would have known this in advance.

I started taking Inositol for my PCOS about a month before I became pregnant this time around. (I've previously had IVF.) I'm not sure it worked or not, but here I am, ready to pop. I think I first heard about it here on this board!

BTW, I think it's awesome that you could be so supportive of your friend who just had the baby. When I had infertility, I found it difficult to be around pregnant women, even though I was very happy for them. Your friend is lucky to have you.

simifan's picture

I too have endometriosis & it took 2 1/2 years, a fertility specialist and laproscopy but have DS. Don't give up ope & best of luck to you.

Just a side note, with endometriosis and bad cramping my GYN suggested 1000 mg magnesium citrate daily. I can get through a period without pain medication for the first time in my life.

Ineedadoover's picture

Thanks for all of the responses and for not clowning me about my baby-envy!!!

Okay, time for a confession. I put it in the original post then took it out but I think it's important.

I think the problem is DH. SS12 is his only child. I have 2 sons. I have had regular periods for years though for the last 3 months they were weird then normal again. While I definitely believe that I should be checked out, I don't believe I am the primary problem. There is some question as to whether SS is DH's biological child. When she first got pregnant, BM told DH he was the father, then told him he wasn't, then told him he was, all within the space of a few weeks and while still pregnant. He was a virgin when they had sex and she got him and his friends drunk and had sex with him. She is a few years older but they were "best friends". I have reason to believe that she knew that she was already pregnant and needed a "nice guy" to pin the baby on. He chose to believe her. He never had a test even when he thought about it (I've seen papers from years ago about paternity testing options) and his family encouraged him to. After SS was born, DH grew really attached. Over the years, he has considered getting a test because she made comments when SS was 2, during a fight, telling DH he wasn't the father anyway. He refused to walk away.

Then when the custody battle ensued with DH vs her parents (she signed over her rights to her parents years ago DH was never put on the birth certificate), they tried to push for a paternity test, but since SS was about 11 already, and DH didn't want one, the court didn't force him to have one. DH had consistently been in his life the whole time, and it wasn't until SS said that his grandparents were physically abusing him (which turned out to be a lie, but that's a story for another day) and DH confronted them about it that DH had any trouble spending time with SS, so he decided to take them to court. Before DH's rights were established, when DH and BM's parents were fighting, the first words out of their mouths were "let's get a paternity test" so I think she told her parents something/the truth. Anyway, there is a good chance that SS is not DH's biologically, and we may never know as he has no intention of getting a test at this point.

DH has been in long term relationships and admitted that in some of them, there was regular intercourse with no protection, and no other woman has ever gotten pregnant. EVER. We have been not trying but not preventing for about 3 years. I mean really, really frequent intercourse, every single month, for 3 years, and no pregnancy. I honestly believe that he is afraid of fertility testing because he is afraid to find out that he is infertile and that SS is not biologically his. Maybe I am reaching. A few months ago, he agreed to see a doctor with me, but we didn't proceed immediately because we were both changing careers. Well, now we are both in our new jobs and doing fine, so I'm ready to move forward. I think I'm going to have an open and honest talk with him this weekend. We have waited long enough.