"The marriage should be the priority. If the couple doesn't work on their marriage, nothing the stepmother does will work. A united front—the husband and wife—must come first before relationships can be built with the rest of the family. When couples have the support and love of one another, they can function at the most favorable levels to help the rest of the stepfamily members."
Children need to be a priority but not the ONLY priority!
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
You know as I read this, I made a mental tick mark next to the ones that I could relate to the most. My step-parenting is pretty over, now that the boys are grown, but my role remains the same. And the myth that really hit home for me was about the instant bonding.
My DH thought that was going to happen and it didn't. Fortunately he already knew about the "marriage comes first" rule and we got through the dynamics of the boys in our lives. Even today, after 11 years the bonding between me and the boys is fragile to say the least.
As I write this, DH is with 25 yo, the truly troubled one, running errands. He knows I don't like this SS so much, b/c of his actions towards us, but nonetheless I honor their relationship. DH asked as he walked out the door to pick up his son, if there would be plenty of dinner if SS ate with us. Of course, I said. He gave me a heads up that SS would be there tonight. I had the option to say no, and I know DH would have honored that, but I'm just so glad after all these years we have figured out how to respect each other's needs without feeling like we're sacrificing our own. It's become a wonderful give and take.
Comments
I think
the most profound idea is:
"The marriage should be the priority. If the couple doesn't work on their marriage, nothing the stepmother does will work. A united front—the husband and wife—must come first before relationships can be built with the rest of the family. When couples have the support and love of one another, they can function at the most favorable levels to help the rest of the stepfamily members."
Children need to be a priority but not the ONLY priority!
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
You know as I read this, I
You know as I read this, I made a mental tick mark next to the ones that I could relate to the most. My step-parenting is pretty over, now that the boys are grown, but my role remains the same. And the myth that really hit home for me was about the instant bonding.
My DH thought that was going to happen and it didn't. Fortunately he already knew about the "marriage comes first" rule and we got through the dynamics of the boys in our lives. Even today, after 11 years the bonding between me and the boys is fragile to say the least.
As I write this, DH is with 25 yo, the truly troubled one, running errands. He knows I don't like this SS so much, b/c of his actions towards us, but nonetheless I honor their relationship. DH asked as he walked out the door to pick up his son, if there would be plenty of dinner if SS ate with us. Of course, I said. He gave me a heads up that SS would be there tonight. I had the option to say no, and I know DH would have honored that, but I'm just so glad after all these years we have figured out how to respect each other's needs without feeling like we're sacrificing our own. It's become a wonderful give and take.
Phew, did I ever digress.