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Missing the party...too bad so sad...

imthewife's picture

A few weeks ago I posted that SD19 will be missing her grandparents 50th wedding anniversary party because she will have just gone back to college out of state...we will drive her out there the week before and she will be one week into school...

We had a major party for their 40th in which the grandkids were not invited. We will spend the entire week with them (including SD) at a family beach house the week before this party...right before SD goes back to college. So she WILL see them...

The issue is that I told DH FLAT OUT we will NOT be flying stepdaughter home for this party...and everyone is upset...well...here is another reason why I refuse to do so.....

DH and I were not fully consulted on about this party by my two SIL's (DH's sister and DH's brother's wife). Ten years ago they pulled the same shit...planned a HUGE, expensive party for FIL without consulting us and handed us a HUGE bill for "our portion"...

AGAIN...these two broads are off hiring caterers, ordering flower arrangements, an expensive cake, and a full bar set up...and AGAIN...are expected US to foot this bill with them...and we have had ZERO input onthe arrangements...so far, I believe we owe at least $500.00 for this party.

After my FIL's party 10 years ago...we sat down and explicitly explained that IF we were to be expected to pay for a party...we WOULD be in on the planning and have a say in final costs...

So back to SD not being flown home...WTF is the problem...?????

Yes...it is a milestone...BUT our family is ALWAYS together...we always have huge holidays and birthdays together...we will have just spent a week at a beach house and we are expected to fork out for tuition for this kids, get her back to school and pay for this party (on top of all other monthly expenses and two other kids...)...so really...also pay to fly her home... I think not.

Would you agree to pay for this party?

Comments

imthewife's picture

And...let me just add that the original plan for their anniversary was to go a restaurant as a family and all pay our own way...then it got changed to this huge blow out that they didn't even consult us on the date of the party NOR pay attention to what dates SD would be home to attend...

icecubenow's picture

Add her plane ticket into the total cost of the party. Since everyone is so upset, they can all pitch in to have her there!

imthewife's picture

HA! I really should...but really, the bottom line is...it is JUST a party...it is so absolutely not worth it to fly her home...it takes a 3 hour shuttle just to get her to the nearest airport in AZ...she will have homework and there is NO way I feel like giving into this ridiculous entitlement crap from this group!

Again...she is spending a whole week at a glorious beach house in California with her grandparents...that should be enough!

smdh's picture

The idea of it is absurd. I personally refuse to pay for any events in which I have no input in planning. I would come up with an amount with which you're comfortable as a "gift" and donate it whether it meets your split cost or not.

imthewife's picture

Well...I often see the subject of separate finances on here...and I can understand that...but...

We have been together for almost 16 years. We are a family...to separate finances to me now would be like we are separate. We are not. We have a life and kids together...

The fact that DH has some kid from a fly by night marriage does not mean I should have to sit in the background and watch my sister in laws or SD control MY husband's finances...that's why I won't separate them. Because he is the type that would just say "UHHHHH...duh.....OK....HERE YOU GO...." and supply whatever $$$ they wanted...and since I have to work to help with everything...I clearly get a say.

To me...my DH's income is my income...mine is his.

And yes...I am really thinking that I will think of an amount I am comfortable with and donate.

It is just frustrating...BTW...my DH's sister doesn't work...hasn't in YEARS...and gets to sit on her ass (that grows larger each year) planning on how to spend all of our hard earned money...so really...she can have all the fun she wants...hope her hubby enjoys all HIS money going down the drain...teehee...

stepmonster_2011's picture

Regarding the party planning and you and your DH expected to pay - Figure out how much you are comfortable with contributing, then hand them a check for that amount and tell them you are done with paying for parties you don't get to have a say in planning.

End of discussion.

And to me - it is fine that your SD misses the party. As you point out - it isn't like she hasn't see the G-rents lately.