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I feel myself starting to check out.

Imhereagain's picture

(Context) I'm in ultrasound school, graduating in December. We are at the hard part, prerequisites over. 2 tests a week, studying for hours a day. I'm also studying for my first licensing exam (there are 2 we need in order to work and be "certified "). 

my fiancé has a terrible co parenting relationship. Right now, the mother is keeping the children (9 & 6) out of school because 1.) she doesn't have any gas to take them there 2.) they actually are registered to ride the bus from her mothers home but she no longer wants the children in her house so simply riding the bus is not an option apparently 3.) she hasn't "allowed" my fiancé to see the kids in about 2 or 3 weeks now, & will not let up even to get them to school. She has him blocked still . The sister communicated this school issue to my fiancé. At 10 a.m after the kids have already missed school today. 


As he's telling me about it, it's not that I don't care, but it's like I'm feeling distant from the situation. I feel like I'm checking out. I'm trying to keep my sanity & not have my world rocked by the ups & downs of their coparenting relationship. But I don't know if I'm going about this the right way. I don't even know what to say to him about it. I have no control over the situation. It's almost like I feel like "yeah ok, so how's the weather. " I have a lot I'm trying to stay grounded & focused on (school like I said above). I also have a toddler 


notarelative's picture

There is no reason BM can't change the bus pick up to her house (unless her house is not actually in the same district as her mom's house and they are not legally registered).

Not your problem (unless dad ends up with the kids,...and that's still not your problem, but something you would have to deal with). BM can't keep them out of school indefinitely. School will send someone to check on them after a certain number of days. BM will figure it out.

The sister (whether it is BM's or his) communicating that BM doesn't have gas money seems like a ploy to get more money from fiance.

Siemprematahari's picture

Instead of your fiancee complaining about it to you, what is HE going to do about it? He can contact CPS, call their school and see what steps he can take in regard to the kids not attending school, file for custody, file a report that the kids are missing school, etc.....

Your plate is full and have to focus on YOUR life. You shouldn't be burdened with this and he needs to get it together and handle his. What is he actively doing to remedy this ImHereAgain? If he's not doing much and just complaining I'd really consider marrying a man that doesn't step up to the plate. 

Imhereagain's picture

Well apparently I'm the problem & she's doing all this because she doesn't like me. Or like us being together. On Christmas she had him blocked. He didn't know it until he tried to text her and realized he couldn't. So he reached her through the sister and she was asking him "well who's going to be there?". I guess that was her way of saying am I going to be there. After arguing him down for no reason about the kids being around me, he eventually picked them up anyway. They have verbal agreements, on child support etc. The days he has the kids. He says she's done this before but not like to this extent & She usually relaxes if he gives her extra money, on top of what they agreed to. But now that I'm in the picture, she's doing this extra so we're looking at going the legal route now. 

Sparkl3s's picture

Ohhhh noooo.... She is the problem and it doesn't matter who he is with, she will continue to be the problem until your SO sets boundaries. 

The BM my husband deals with is a narc, so I removed myself from the whole situation. All I ask my hubby is to check with me in regards to spontaneous visitation. If they have a formal visitation agreement he needs to file contempt of court. If you search on here a few ppl do it without a lawyer, they just call the non emergency line and file a police report. 

He can either do something about it or continue to whine. Don't let him make you feel guilty, if that was my kid I'd exhaust every option to see them. 


Monkeysee's picture

I think considering you’re in school & are in a hard part, your DH should lay off about his issues & support you any way he can.

I get it, what BM is doing isn’t right & it must be stressful for him, but you’re working towards something, have a child of your own, and need support too. You can’t be his emotional crutch all the time. There’s only so much a person can take, it makes sense you’re feeling checked out right now

Sparkl3s's picture

Focus on yourself and be honest as necessary with your partner. If he is going to shut down if you tell him you are tired of hearing about BM and her crap bc he isn't willing to actually do anything but complain find a different way. I'd say I'm just overwhelmed with school sorry if I'm not being as supportive as you need me to be. 

Harry's picture

Not your problem   If the two bio parents can’t figure it out. That’s on them. If you get involved it will be your fault in the end

you don’t want two SK living with you because DH doesn’t do anything now

ndc's picture

It sounds like you're taking a nice big step toward disengagement.  With a BM who doesn't like you and is playing games, that's probably your best bet.  Let your fiance deal with his kids' truancy and don't give it another thought - you have enough going on.  Your fiance most definitely needs to get a court order - his verbal agreements clearly aren't working for him.