Things got bad, and I told someone.
Things have been very strange around my house. Over the weekend, my husband became very angry with me. I was not doing the work he wanted me to do. (I did a lot of work in the garden and inside the house, but he wanted me to do things from his list, and to get directions from him before doing those things.) One night, he began shouting at me, saying he cannot live with me anymore, and that I am horrible, and he has no idea how I have lived this long being as horrible as I am. I told him he is welcome to leave if that is what he wants. He said I need to sell my house and give him half the money. I told him I will not sell my house, that my kids and I live there and he can move out, but this is where we will stay. It is mine. I am the only one who pays for it. I am the only one whose name is on the documents for it, so I will not sell it.
He says it is not my choice, I have to support him financially, and that means I have to sell my house and give him half the money so he can leave me and not be homeless. I said he can get another job and support himself the same as most people do. Then he said if I do not sell my house and give him the money he wants, he will send nude photos of me to everyone I work with, and to the professional licensing board that I need to appear before very soon for a certain license I require for my work here. He said he will destroy me if I do not give him what he wants.
I was very afraid, and I hid in my son's room and texted my friend from work whose lab is next to mine. He was supportive and helped me figure out who to tell at work. He went with me on Monday to building security and we let them know my husband's description and his car description so he will not be allowed in. The IT department has made a block against his email server, and made a note of his threat, so if he does what he said he will do, they will handle it.
My friend asked me how things got to this point, and I told him everything about how poorly my husband has treated me for a long time. He said I was so strong to deal with that and come to work each day and do such good things here, and that my life is going to be so much better if I can get out of this relationship. He said my kids and I can stay with him while I legally evict my husband from my house, that he has room for us at his house. I have not moved there yet, but I will. My husband does not know this. He does not know I told my friend, or any of these things.
It feels much more real now that I told someone who is part of my life every day. It was scary because I did not want him to think I am stupid for being with someone who treats me as poorly as my husband does, but he proved there are some people in the world we can trust.
I might not be a stepmother much longer! It is going to be a hard battle, but I think I can do this.
- icanteven's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Good for you. The best thing
Good for you. The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is to get this jerk out of your lives.
My advice on leaving in this
My advice on leaving in this situation is to go to the magistrate and get an emergency Restraining Order. This is good for 3 days. Then you go to court for a temp. RO. This is good for 2 weeks. Next step is the final. With the RO your husband can not enter your home. Him making threats like that will be all you need. Go take care of yourself and don't leave the house empty for him to destroy. Get him out fast.
I am so sorry you are going through this!!
This!
This!
Do NOT move out! Moving out will not make eviction easier because, depending on the state where you live, you cannot evict a spouse from their marital home. Eviction covers landlord-tenant situations, not husband-wife.
Please get legal advice before making any important decisions.
Protect your home and protect yourself.
If you move out, that may
If you move out, that may make the eviction process sticky. Please consult a lawyer before you do anything. Stay strong!
Wow, that is terrible! He
Wow, that is terrible! He sounds like a truly awful person. You have to sell YOUR house and give him half? In your dreams buddy.
Definitely pay attention to what Justmakingthebest said, and don't just move out automatically. He sounds like the kind of person who would trash your house, especially when he realizes he will not be getting half. Definitely a restraining order.
I'm sorry you are going through this, but good for you for walking away from a clearly poisonous situation.
I also agree that you should
I also agree that you should seek legal counsel before you make any moves. Of course, you want to remain SAFE...and your children as well.. but ensure that you make moves in the most deliberate fashion to protect your own interests.
I would try to document all the bad stuff you can recall... any physical violence.. if you have proof in texts or emails or voicemails.. preserve them.
And.. for what it's worth, blackmail is also illegal. Maybe the police would be able to help with that issue. I would for certain try to remove all pictures from electronic devices that you are aware of as well. Now, it may be an empty threat... maybe not. But, in the end, you came into this world naked and honestly... HE is the one that would be looked down upon for releasing pictures like that. At some point, you have to accept that if the pictures are out there..they could get out. and guess what? It's not illegal to be undressed in the privacy of your own home. I doubt your professional board would deny you for the acts of a deranged ex. At worst, your family might be dissapointed you let yourself be photographed in compromising positions (if the pics were taken without your knowledge.. then that lets you off THAT hook).
It sounds like this guy is a class A disaster of a mate. Please protect yourself and your interests and get him the heck out of your life!
By the way, I had an abusive EX BF. Finally, after he had moved in with his GF he came back and tried to take items that didn't belong to him.. when I told him he couldn't... he got physical with me.. I called the cops. They came and there wasn't enough evidence to prove he had hurt me.. and my BF was being all smug showing them a letter he got at my address proving he had a right to be there... even though I told them he had moved out the week before and it was my home that he had never made even so much as a dollar pmt to me for rent. Well, they could see through his smugness and told him that even though he had a suspended license.. they were going to let him drive away... and if they had to come back and I had a mark on me anywhere.. they would haul him directly to jail. They told him they didn't see his side as right and if he knew what was good for him he would leave...and stay gone. So he left and never came back at that point... I finally got the police involved and the coward wouldn't press his luck. I heard that he later beat up another woman and she pressed charges.. he spent a good amount of time in jail for that.
do what ESMOD says....
call the police and report the blackmail and get a RO
I’m so sorry you’re goinf
I’m so sorry you’re goinf through this. I’m glad you’re seeking help.
Do not leave your house. It
Do not leave your house. It will give him a stance although very small to be allowed to stay thirty days or however long the eviction process will take. I am sorry you are going through this, it sounds like you are dating someone's stepchild with all that entitlement with your money happening. I hate to be a raincloud on a overcast day but be careful with this friend. You should not move in with him. Your soon-to-be ex seems extreme so moving into another man's house will not go well for you in court during divorce settlements. You do not want to have to divide your house simply because your ex puts it out there that you already had someone and somewhere else lined up before moving out. It was a nice gesture but I wouldn't take it up. For now, he can be your vent friend while you get the eviction process started.
Go to a lawer
Do not leave your house. You have to file league paperwork to get him out. Go to police about blackmailing you. You have to put him on notice. If pictures get out he will be arrested and out of the house for good. File a RO for abuse, This is your out. Take it now.
my gosh what a worthless
my gosh what a worthless excuse of a man, please get him out of your house, he is not even ashamed of himself. A man who wants to live off a woman instead of pulling up his socks and providing for himself like a real man does, he just might poison you or kill you while you are sleeping then he can inherit everything, move in with your friend as soon as possible and report his threat to the police and apply for a restraining order.
I would not move in with that
I would not move in with that male coworker. That will likely exacerbate the situation and may bring disaster on that man.
Get legal advice. If you can't afford it, there are groups that will help you make smart decisions without charging you. Look up domestic violence shelters -- they usually have free legal advice.
As much as possible, make peace with this guy and stop talking about anything that will rile him while you make your plan to get out. You want him calm and thinking this has blown over so you can figure this out safely.
kick him to the curb!
In most locations, if your name is on the mortgage and your house is your house, you can just have the cops escort him out. Check the laws where you live, or you can also ask the police department how to handle it. do not leave any evidence of your plans at your house where he might be able to see it. Do not leave your house to stay with the other friend. And get a lawyer asap.
I'm sorry this just isn't
I'm sorry this just isn't true. If he has been living there as a resident even without paying any rent or without a lease... he may well have tenant rights and ultimately she may have to move against him for an eviction. Obviously there can be extenuating circumstances involved.. like if she gets a RO against him or she can prove he has moved out willingly on his own. I had a situation with just a boyfriend and the police did say that with proof he had mail coming to the address... he could be there. They just STRONGLY suggested that he move on because he would be in trouble if anything at all happened to me.
This is also what happened to
This is also what happened to me when I tried to call the police to remove him. There is a legal procedure for it here. There are forms to fill out, notice must be given, and then after that, they can remove him. My choices are, during that time, stay in the house and deal with him being awful to me and my kids, or stay with my coworker (my husband does not know where he lives, or who he is). I looked for temporary apartments near me, but have not found any available for now. I am still looking at options. I will have to follow a procedure for removing him. That is what the police told me.
Does he ever threaten you,
Does he ever threaten you, physically? If so, that may be different.
Good for you for talking to
Good for you for talking to your building security and IT department! Now stay strong! You have good friends IRL and on here who are rooting for you!
I have to agree with not
I have to agree with not moving out of your home. Let the police know that he is threatening you and blackmailing you, and you want him escorted out.
Consult a lawyer ASAP and DO
Consult a lawyer ASAP and DO NOT move out
Have a locksmith ready
The minute you have an RO, get the locks to the house changed.
I love how these guys proclaim they don’t want to be with you anymore, and then when you say that they can go, they stick to you like blood sucking ticks.
If you see an attorney who advises you to let him stay in the house, find another one. Sometimes if you call a women’s shelter, they will give you a list of attorneys familiar with domestic abuse situations.
And also get security cameras
And also get security cameras set up...
What a horrible person he is.
What a horrible person he is. I am sorry for you. Amazing the depths people will plunge to in order to get what they want. I hope this gets sorted out soon and you can divorce and move on. Good news is that you won't be an SM any more.
Do no move
1. Go to police and make report( ypu can ask they do nothing at this point also)
2. Get a restraining order
3. If you have kids have them stay at someone else's house.
4. Change the locks
5. Consult a lawyer.
6. Take all valuables and pit them in safety deposit box.
Do not move...consult a lawyer....
You are such a strong woman.
You are such a strong woman. You don't deserve to be with such a horrible man. IMO you shouldn't move out. Keep calm while you get the RO and follow the process to chuck him out. He shouldn't know your plans. This will keep him unprepared for the storm he will be facing soon. Stay strong. The best is yet to come!