Nailed it with OSS15
So last autumn, I deduced that OSS15 has been passive aggressively waiting around for me to attempt an in-depth conversation with him about ANYTHING so that he could turn it around on, play victim, and gaslight me.
Months went by where OSS15 would "lurk" around DH anytime I was also around, and where he would look at me like I'm nuts whenever I said the most simple of things, like "dinner is ready."
I was starting to suspect that maybe I had unfairly misjudged him or made unfairly negative speculations about him. In other words, I began to doubt my instincts.
OSS15 lurked and zombied around like this for a little under a year... not really do anything "bad," but certainly not doing anything admirable or extraordinary, and making both DH and I extremely uncomfortable around him in one of those vague ways we "just couldn't put our finger on."
Well, fast forward to this Father's Day.
I called my father for a light-hearted, pleasant, Father's Day conversation. My always-caring dad inquired about us.
DH was upset, because the Maggot had told the boys that it was DH's role to "take his kids to breakfast on Father's Day."
So I guess some people operate like this, but in my family, it's up to the children to make cards, make a meal for parents, or whatever else they want to do to show appreciation for the father on Father's Day, and same for mother on Mother's Day. The father and mother get to relax and are not obligated to be servants to, or otherwise turn the holiday into "Children's Day."
So I relayed this drama to my father. He is my dad, and he is on my side, and there for me. My perogative to discuss my environment with him.
I also told my dad that YSS11 and OSS15 each gave DH a Father's Day card. This is monumental in our home, because neither boy has EVER even SAID "Happy Father's Day" let alone SHOW their love/appreciation for their dad.
So I told my dad that it was heartwarming (I didn't mention that the Maggot forced them to give DH those cards since she just served DH with paperwork and is taking him back to court with ANOTHER petition to move). I was very positive about skids.
But... OSS15 was eavesdropping on my conversation!!
Not only was he eavesdropping, but in his own mind, he decided that I was telling my dad "OSS15 didn't do enough for DH for Father's Day today."
So OSS15 makes a big show of running outside and sitting in the driveway to cry and sob.
DH goes out to see why he is crying, and OSS15 tells him that I said he "didn't do enough for Father's Day."
DH had a good talk with OSS15 about how eavesdropping is wrong, about seeking clarification instead of assuming things, and went even further to discuss how OSS15 never talks about his life with him or us, and that these emotional outbursts are always shocking for us because we never know what kind of day/weekend it's going to be, but that we are exhausted by it all and have been for years now.
Now... I don't like seeing kids cry. I am a softie for a crying kid. So I also told OSS15 that I'm sorry his feelings were hurt, but that I never said what he thought I said, and that if he is going to eavesdrop, he should at least get the whole story before he takes it personally and assumes that I am a bad person who is out to hurt him.
...but then the rest of the day I was in a whirlwind of emotions, and basically zombied out for the day. I couldn't stand the fact that I have sympathy to this boy who has negatively impacted my own daughters childhood, and probably owes DD17, me, and DH more apologies than anyone else I know, other than Maggot.
I just should have left for the day, but I never even got the chance before the drama hit, because I had JUST finished my morning yoga and was enjoying my coffee, and it was 7freaking30 in the morning... mmmk...
so after all that crap, and also since my state is seeing the highest daily rate of COVID cases ever, I didn't/couldn't even bring myself to go anywhere.
I spent the day feeling like I was hit by a tractor trailer...
and DH spent the day pissed that OSS15 made Father's Day all about himself... ugh.
TOTALLY NAILED IT though with my instinct that OSS15 has been WAITING for ANY chance to play victim and try to gaslight me!
Never again will I doubt my instincts or question my feelings about a person.